Thursday, 25 November 2010
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What Men ACTUALLY Find Attractive
I have to say I'm getting tired of hearing about what bodies men are supposed to find attractive. At first, it was interesting information, but now that we have ruminated on it for a good 6 months, it's time for a little backlash from the devil's advocate here.
I understand that the idea of the "sexy cave-woman" seems to be a spin-off of the "Real Women Have Curves" movement, which I found to be a positive change as well as long-overdue. But this branch of so-called body acceptance has crossed the line into something a little more dangerous.
Firstly, what offends me about this quest to define femininity is that it reduces both men and women to purely instinctual animals. I'm no feminist, but to think that a man should only be attracted to a woman's appearance based on how much she looks like an effective childbearing machine is ridiculous and offensive to both sexes.
You do NOT have to have the perfect waist-hip ratio to be attractive. You do not have to have long, blond flowing hair, child-bearing hips, big breasts or a high voice to be feminine. Although I'm not a fan of the pixie cut, Audrey Hepburn is still one of the most delicate, feminine-looking women I've ever seen and she had none of those traits (except the voice perhaps). Also, though it's never good to promote obesity, the amount of men out there who LOVE fat women would indicate that not all men prefer a thin waist. Plus, the amount of variance in cultural standards of beauty vary so much that it is ludicrous to pinpoint physical perfection.
I know that such studies on human attraction are interesting, but remember that there is no way to put human sexual attraction in the same box as animals' sexual attraction. We are higher thinking, abstract creatures and what is beautiful to one may not be to another. In the real world, not all guys like what you've read they are supposed to like. I've seen women of all shapes (cone, ruler, hourglass, pear) and sizes and voices and lengths of hair, and let me tell you that based on the PDA (I know, yuck) I see around campus, those men find their girlfriends pretty darn sexy even though most of them do not have, by definition, cave-womanly bodies.
In short, do what you want. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and have a brutally honest way of talking straight to each other about physical preferences. Yet, among the brutality ( :D ) he has openly admitted that he prefers my sleeker shorter hair (a Posh bob) to when my hair was longer. He likes subtle sexiness rather than the pornstar look. He's more interested in my legs than in my chest, and finds intelligence to be extremely sexy.
On the flip side, I find his shorter, thinner stature to be much hotter than the muscular physique of your average "stud." Most of all---I love him for his unique personality. It's all about what YOU find to be sexy. If you are attracted to only one type of body, you will miss out on meeting some fantastic people! And let's face it---when you're in your later years, you're going to HAVE to learn to look beyond the outward appearance and see into the heart.
Lastly... We as a society are the first ones to harangue the media for portraying an impossible body type as the definition of attractive. But is not this blond, long-haired, thin-waisted, large breasted and high voiced "model" even more impossible for many of us? Hopefully some of you girls will muster up the courage to say "Excuse me, but I am beautiful with the body God gave me."
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About the Author
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- From: outlanddish@xanga
- Name: outlanddish
- About Me: I'm 18. I make surveys. I take surveys (but always give credit to the author). I make icons sometimes. I make quotes. Some days I treat is as a journal. I'm not making an introduction to this site, no rhyme or reason. It's just my way to relax and hopefully it's a place you'll want to visit.
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Comments (60)
Agreed a billion and one percent. I mean, yea we're all attracted to different body types but what really matters is the heart and personality of you're partner. I'd rather be with a really good guy and have him have a less typical muscular body then some jock who doesn't have a clue.
Secondly, being a plus size girl I definitely had to learn how to love my curves and to ignore those air brushed plastic dolls that grace the covers of mags. The thought that girls have to be uber skinny starts from a very young age when they looks up to celebs. Its sad, really. Keep strong ladies, REAL men out there will love you just the way you are.
finally, a good opinion about this whole debacle
boobs
I loved your post very much. So many ladies out there, including myself unfortunately, are so concerned with looking a particular way just because
we believe that it's what society considers "beautiful." But, as you
implied, beauty is more than just physical attributes; if one wants
large breasts and a small waist, then I'm sure she could find a doctor who
could give that to her - simple and done. It's the soul that cannot be
altered, and it's the soul that exudes one's TRUE beauty... and only
good men are able to realize that.
Happy Thanksgiving to you! :)
personality goes a long way for me (my guy friends think i'm weird when i say a girl's cute based on her personality). that being said, people please, don't be fat.
"to think that a man should only be attracted to a woman's appearance based on how much she looks like an effective childbearing machine is ridiculous"
Actually, it is just science. It is also historically accurate. I'm not saying that it is fair, but it most definitely is not "ridiculous."Besides that, I mostly agree with this post. Men are attracted to women for many reasons and no woman needs a specific body type to be attractive.
Happy Thanksgiving!
And there's men that don't even find any women attractive at all. They're called HOMOSEXUALS.
Hhere are two coins for your brilliance.
Beauty shines inside to out, so if you're soul is beautiful and you're confident, the outside may just complement. So light up the world with a smile =)
I agree. It seems people have not heard of preference and variance in more areas than just this. Everything does not have to be so black and white.
you will be attracted to your body type. i like blond or blonde males. Since females are status symbols, it is now what is worth the most.
The research you refer to about what men like is only statistically significant, it doesn't represent all men's conscious thought processes. The cognitive mind is pretty powerful, and can over ride instinctual behaviours. Hell, there are a lot of variables. Also, what if we are instinctual animals? Who cares? You're arguing a argumentum ad consequentiam. Just because the truth doesn't fit your liking, doesn't mean its not the truth. I have no issue being an animal myself
.
I have tried to say something like this, and all I get was misunderstood, especially from a few in the Lovelyish camp.
Good post. Forget the studies. Beauty, sparkle, intelligence, emotion cannot be measured with check boxes. I could use a thousand words to describe my taste in women and still come up short. There might be a "typical" taste but if someone is trying to become that she has to consider she is going to attract the "typical" guy.
You lost me at "I'm not a feminist, but..."
Feminist = fan of equality.
david beckham is still hot as hell.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
@katberg@xanga - Agreed so much because I've felt like I have to be a certain way or else I'm not beautiful to everyone.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Agreed
Looks are only secondary and personality is forever.
@hopethatitglows@xanga - That was exactly what I was thinking. Feminists have way more of a negative connotation then they should.
"I've seen women of all shapes (cone, ruler, hourglass, pear) and sizes and voices and lengths of hair " I like how that rhymed. But anyway. It's about time I get to read something so logical from this site. Thanks.
Brilliant! I really love your last quote.
Kudos to you
Some people click and some people don't. Beautiful women can still have a hard time finding guys who are really into them, and average or unattractive women can find a guy who is driven crazy by how sexy he thinks they are. Love is a personal thing, and when you find someone meaningful, you'll know and you won't have to wonder whether he thinks your hair is too short/long or your boobs are too small/big or your hips are too wide/narrow. Hopefully, you'll both be having too much fun with each other to stop and think about it for too long.
There is such a thing as having a preference, but that's not to say that your preferences won't change over time, or that someone won't come along who you dig so much that you can't help but make them the new preference. I've liked guys with all kinds of body types and facial features. My "preference" is constantly changing, usually based on who I'm into at the moment. When I feel a strong romantic connection with someone, I go with it. A guy becomes completely beautiful to me when the conversation is exciting and never boring, he's intelligent, funny, and fun to be around, and when he has that certain spark that I can't ignore. I'm picky in that I don't just go for every cute or nice guy that walks by me, but I'm also realistic. Many of the guys I've liked/loved have NOT been classically beautiful types, but the connection we had made them gorgeous to me at the time. It takes more than JUST looks or JUST a sense of humor to make me fall for a guy. I can't describe it--I just know what I like when I see it.
I'm assuming most guys are the same way--at least, most intelligent guys. When you really, really connect with someone and are feeling totally attracted to them, it really doesn't matter what they actually look like. Just as long as they're sexy as hell in your mind, that's all that matters.
A lot of women look good at 22, but what men find attractive is when a women is attractive in her 40s and 50s. To me that is a big turn on. Also I read an article once about what men look for as far as adult theme sites, what topped the poll was everyday soccer moms, with the vans rather than the fake boob 22 year old bimbos we see at strip clubs. I think it's due to the fact the soccer mom is not supposed to act in or be looked at in that way, but can live a different life on the weekends when the kids are with the sitter.
I'm a dude who doesn't want kids, and the (stereo-)typical childbearing-capable qualities of women aren't of particular interest to me. I generally take notice of smaller-bust gals with little/no hips, who are bluntly opinionated. I would not be opposed to dating a gal who has to shop in the kids section, just as long as she's not one and doesn't plan on having any. I don't plan on lots of rumpy-pumpy in the first place..
=]] This post was amazing.