Thursday, 25 November 2010
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To Break Up or Not To Break Up
Should I break up with the man I love or should I wait it out? I'm happy, but then again I'm unhappy. I don't know what to do to make him happy. He blames it on the whole not having money thing... Well, maybe he'd have more money if he hadn't spent ridiculous amounts of money on things whenever he got angry and he did have some money.
I don't know, maybe I'm being too harsh on that point. Ok. Here we go.
1. He doesn't like physical affection.
He doesn't like to cuddle. He doesn't really like to hug me. He doesn't want to hold hands, like ever. He doesn't like much of anything that has to do with me touching him. I mean, come one... How does he expect a relationship to stay alive if there's no physical affection. How does he expect it to stay alive if he doesn't even want me to kiss him really. I mean, he says "aww" when I kiss him at random on the cheek or forehead depending on where we are and how we're positioned. He doesn't ever kiss me randomly. He doesn't hug me randomly. He doesn't do anything.
2. He doesn't say "I Love You" as much as he should.
I know there is no set number of times a person should say I love you, but it'd be nice to hear it at random. Maybe then I'd feel like he actually meant it. He usually says it everyday only right before bed when we do our usual "Good night, I love you, Have sweet dreams" routine. Even then he doesn't even put any sort of feeling or anything behind it. Every now and then I can hear the change, I can hear the feeling put into it. I guess I can't expect much from him though, he doesn't usually change his tone of voice for anything... Maybe I should be used to not being told "I love you". Just as I should be used to not getting physical affection but then again I shouldn't have to be used to it...
3. He isn't willing to at least try to change a little bit.
He says he's tried... But I haven't seen it... Oh... It must have been when I wasn't around. -rolls eyes- Anytime I talk to him about the things he needs to change he says, "ha. Yeah, I doubt that's going to change. That's just me." I'm sorry, but anyone can change... Especially if they actually want to stay in the relationship. I'm willing to change for him but he isn't willing to change for me. It's not like I'm asking him to forget his fetishes or to do a crash diet cause I want him skinny or even really trying to change his personality. I just wish he would at least let me know he loves me. Somehow. Be it just hugging me randomly or holding my hand sometimes... Or just saying "I love you" without me saying it first. That would be nice.
4. He doesn't like sex or big breasts.
I have DD breasts and I'm quite the nympho... I of course had to find the only guy around that doesn't like large breasts and doesn't like sex. Can we really call him a man at this point? Ok... He says all the time that he doesn't really like sex and that most of the time he isn't even really in the mood... Which makes me feel like shit because hey... What the hell? You're having sex with me but you don't really want to... How do you think that makes me fucking feel? Eh? At least he knows what to do in bed.... Get this though... He actually said this one night, "Hurry up and cum"...
Maybe if I had gotten a little foreplay or something and you actually made me feel like you wanted to have sex with me I'd be done quicker... Well, after that comment I just pulled my clothes back on and laid down in bed and had a couple of tears fall without his knowing and I fell asleep angry and unsatisfied. I'd like a little something in return every now and then without complaining later on.
5. I can't make him happy.
It seems nothing I do makes him happy. That's simple and it should just stay that way.
6. Random Notes (Mainly Good Things).
- He remembers the little things.
- He buys me little things here and there that I've been wanting for a long time when he has the money to.
- He rubs my back at random sometimes (very rare occasion).
- He lets me sleep cuddled up with him when I'm freezing and he's on fire (normally he would say no, he's too hot).
- He can tell when I'm upset while others can't.
- He knows I love him and he tells me this when I feel that he doubts my feelings.
Side notes.
- I cheated once and I have said once before to him that I wanted to kill myself for that. It broke me down more than he'd ever imagine.
- I hate two of his ex's which is apparently a bad thing?
- I have a bad memory which he hates.
I can't really say much more. I can't think of much more. If anyone has any advice for me, please do tell me!
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Comments (76)
haha.
ohh man.
half or more of these problems are what has been wrong in my relationship.
I'm seriously on the verge of dumping mine right now, too.
if physical, and emotional affection is what you need, it's only going to get worse.
and nine times out of ten, you're thinking "should I?" and it means that you most likely should.
I know that for me, if a person can't be physical and deal with my feelings, and give me what I want-
it can't last.
ps..
my bf told me to "shut the fuck up" during sex once.
that was the deal breaker-
he also said "I just want you to make me come." ever SO selfishly.
what does THAT tell you.
I suggest talking to him, and if you go nowhere, weigh your options. Weigh the cons to the pros. Is this a deal breaker for you or not? But you obviously cheated so I think perhaps that this relationship is over. I think it was over once you did that. I think you guys aren't compatible too much and it might be better for you guys to break up whether than stay together. It's better to find someone that's a lot more compatible and gives you what you need.
Are you happy? Cuz if you really are, this post would be nonexistent. Once you answer that, then make a decision.
To me, 3 out of the 5 problems you listed don't bother me. But this is all up to you and if you check again, you've listed more complains than the good things.
It seems like you should break up.
I think that if you're writing a detailed and extravagant list of the cons about the relationship, you should break up with him.
okay. this sounds all too familiar to me. And I left him.
I am much happier than I ever been now than when I was staying.It does sounds to me he has some issues but it is only because you point it out obviously. I was about to ask for the "positive" side of this relationship.Even you wrote down small list, it sounds like the bad weight out the good more. it is your choice. we cannot tell you what to do. however, you are asking for advice. sadly, my advice is this. it is going to be same thing over and over and over, nothing wil change. you make the change, by doing something about it. he cant change for you. you have to just accept that or get out of it. do it before you get hurt or too deep with this. good luck.you're obviously not meant for each other.
You need to voice how you feel to him, let him read this if you want. Nothing will change if you complain to the internet, tell him.
You need to sit him down and tell him your needs. Just because you love him doesn't mean that you should stay with him if you aren't getting what you want from your relationship.
That sounds like suckishness. I would leave.
I've always realized that when I'm between the idea of breaking up and not breaking up, that breaking up was usually the best decision. I was usually just too worried about being lonely to do it and I'm not saying that's going to be your case, but it sounds like you have more then enough reasons to break up with him. He shouldn't have to change to fit how you want him and you shouldn't have to change for him. In all honesty, when you find the right person neither of you has to change. It just sounds like you guys are on two different levels of the relationship. Maybe you guys can even just take a break just to evaluate how you both feel about the relationship.
this guy sounds wack. you need to decide, you said you talked to him, he said he won't change, so you have to make a decision.
How long have you been together?
The intimacy and physical attraction aren't there on his part, which is horrible, awful, miserable thing to deal with (been there, still trying to work it out)I think it really depends on how much you have invested in the relationship. Do you live together? Do you share a bank account? I think too often us girls who are "dating" or "seriously dating" get too caught up in the relationship. He can be a loving person but he's not loving towards you. If you aren't married or engaged I think these are a lot of issues that need to be resolved for you to even think it would be worth your time. You say you can't "make" him happy. No one can "make anyone happy". but is he a happy person? Does he express it? These are a lot of issues that he needs to work on. Because honestly, if he doesn't change and he doesn't want to, you're sacrificing a lot to be in this relationship. Don't let it interfere with your life, and your self-esteem.@Hinase@xanga - I talk. He listens. Says he can't change. It's really a waste of a talk in the end. :/
@lagnolalia@xanga - Neither of us are happy anymore.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas@xanga - Thank you.
@fried_ryce@xanga - Thanks.
@Momma2babies34@xanga - I've been dating him for almost two years. We've put a lot into this relationship and I just wish we could make things better somehow.
@callist0@xanga - I've told him so many times that things just aren't right. That I don't seem happy because I'm not because he's not happy.
@Camouflaged_by_night@xanga - I think you're right.
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - Thank you. It sucks but I just might break up with him today... Be it for good or just a "break".
@betty_boop - I live with him. We've been together for almost 2 years, 2 years in December. I'm probably going to end up breaking up with him soon. It breaks ny heart even thinking about it but I gotta do what I gotta do. :/
soooo, why are you with him again? i think there's better for you out there. just sayin!
If you're even making this post I think its time to break it off. Once you start thinking about breaking up thats mostlikely a sign that you should. Good luck <3
It sounds like you guys are not right for eachother. If you have to question whether or not you should break up, then break up.
If I were you, the cons outweight the pros.
Some of these things are personal preferences. That was my mind set at first, until I got to the sex part, where he was basically saying 'hurry up and cum'. It's one thing to not really like sex, but it's quite another to be wholly insensitive to how saying that could hurt someone you profess to love.
That problem aside, you two seem incompatible. You like sex and physical affection, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm the same way. I'd never make it in a relationship without hugs and kisses and cuddly moments. He doesn't care about those things. And that's okay, too. There are women out there who are the same way and would get on better with him.
Trust me when I say that sometimes, love is not enough. You may love him, and he may love you, but if this continues, you will make each other more miserable than you already are making each other. End it.
You can't make him happy? I feel like that's a pretty big reason you two shouldn't be together.
It seems you're spending a lot of time weighing up the good and bad. I know that its not always a straightforward decision and its often wise to look at it from all angles... but essentially... if you're so unsure, then the relationship isn't secure. And if a relationship isn't secure, then its best just to let it go and make a clean break.
I think if you really wanted the relationship to work then you wouldn't be questioning it so much... call it "blinkered love" if you want but from my personal experiences when I'm really enthusiastic about my love for someone then sometimes I become ignorant to any underlying problems and deny their existence...its not necessarily a healthy thing, but nonetheless it helps me measure how much somebody means to me.
Hope you end up making the decision that fits you best
I believe this is the second post by you Ive seen about him.
That in itself says enough.. as hard as it is, its just time to go your separate ways. Theres someone better out there for you.get out now....it doesn't seem like either of you are making eachother happy....and the good points well they aren't even that good. you can find someone that loves you, that will do all the things that he doesn't I know it!!! There is definitely a better person for you out there and imagine how happy you will be when you find him....it will be worth however long it takes.
Do you have anything in common with him? This doesn't sound like a happy relationship. I would break up with him (that's just me, though). I'm a person that needs quite a bit of affection. It would drive me nuts if my boyfriend didn't hug me or hold my hand or kiss me. And what kind of guy doesn't like sex? That sounds horrible, especially because you DO. I don't see how this relationship has worked at all, but obviously there must be some good in it. I would break it off.
You have more bad, than good. So I would probably break up with him. My husband doesn't show that much affection, but I think it's because he was raised by his Dad, and seriously. He didn't receive any affection from him. But everything else, he does amazingly. I never doubt his love for me. It seems to me you are more unhappy, then happy. I'd leave him. A relationship isn't a job.