Wednesday, 24 November 2010
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Tips for Meeting the Family
With the holiday season here, many people will be meeting their SO’s family for the first time and for men and women, meeting the spouse's family can be a traumatic time.
First impressions can make or break the relationship, and that is a lot of strain to place on anyone's shoulders. Any numbers of seemingly small errors could destroy any hope of having a positive relationship with the would-be in-laws. Well, never fear, because I have some hints to look good when meeting your spouse's family for the first time.
1. Don't even consider meeting your SO’s family unless you are on the verge of making this relationship a lifelong thing, i.e. marriage. Many families still operate under the "old school" thought that meeting the parents is tantamount to announcing an engagement. Make sure that both you and your SO understand this before setting any dates.
2. Don't be afraid to ask your SO about the family. Finding out some of their interests beforehand gives you time to do a little research and come up with something to say. You look better when you don't come off as so radically different that there isn't any common ground for the family to build upon.
3. Be respectful, but don't be stiff. You have to show respect and courtesy toward your SO's family, but that doesn't mean that you have to be cold. Feel free to make witty statements when necessary/possible. Being sociable is important.
4. Have something positive to say about your future. Your SO’s family wants to be sure that you have something to offer their child. Being an unemployed, pot smoking felon is probably news that is best saved for a later meeting. Now, that interview that you have lined up or that book that you just published...those are always good things to talk about.
If you take the above advice, I guarantee that your relationship will survive this holiday season. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Do you have any tips for meeting the family for the first time?
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- From: WhenAManLoves@xanga
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Comments (9)
I've met my past bfs family way before we thought about marriage, I don't think you need to wait that long to meet the family. Maybe i'm a little odd though, so who knows? Parents seem to love me so I never have a problem.
Things are changing, my family invited my boyfriends family to our thanksgiving last year and we had only been together for like three months. They meshed nicely which did lead to serious issues and our breaking up.
good advice.
the family ALWAYS love me. :)
Unfortunately I date guys with bad FAMILIES and even worse still bad mothers..Oh the joy.
TALK. that's the most important. i'm really shy when i meet new people, and i tend to close myself off, which made my husband's family think i didn't like them. which wasn't the case at all, i was just overwhelmed and nervous at first. a few years later, and we all get along great because i'm not shy around them anymore.
I might give thanks on Thanksgiving if this post helps me out earlier that day.
I disagree with number one. I always let my SO meet my family fairly early on. I want the people in my life to know each other. And no one expects it's an engagement announcement. My family is just close like that. And I always want to meet his family!
I think rule #1 is really outdated. I truly believe that the best, most lasting relationships are based firmly on a foundation of friendship, and while I can understand not necessarily getting introduced to the whole family after the first or second date, waiting until you're pretty much engaged is a little ridiculous. The fact is that our families are a huge part of us, and our partners deserve to see and share in that part of our lives, ring or not. Plus, it helps to understand your SO better to know where they're coming from with their family.
And plus, knowing that his parents don't like you/you don't like them is NOT something you want out as you're planning your future. There's no reason to delay it if you're comfortable with the idea. But lots of couples stay together for a long time before getting engaged, and I'm pretty sure most parents I know would feel offended if you didn't want to meet them for however many years before your engagement. I know his family would be really sketched if I dated him for seven years and barely had said more to hello to them before springing, "SURPRISE! WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!" on them. So lame.
I had no idea we were still in the 1950's. But apparently we are.
The true key to getting along with someone's family? Be yourself. Trust me, they will either love you or not. If you're yourself, genuinely, and you express interest in being a part of their family and show them respect, they will understand over time why your SO loves you so much. To be rehearsed and researched and anything other than your lovely self both deceives them and puts pressure on you. It's a waste to do anything else but ask questions, be interested, and loosen up. Just be the person your SO loves so much, and it should be apparent to his family, who will follow suit.
dress accordingly