Thursday, 18 November 2010
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Should You Call It Off For College?
Just recently, last night actually my boyfriend of over a year and I had the "Are we going to break up when you go to college?" talk.
See, he isn't going to school at the moment, and the college I'm thinking about going to is around six hours away. We both know long distance isn't going to work for us since we like to see each other a lot. We talked about if we should just break up now to save each other from being even more attached and it being worse but I just don't know.
What would you guys do in this situation?
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- From: ikilledvoldy@xanga
- About Me: If I fail in life I will move to L.A. to get drunk and spend all my money on drugs.
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Comments (30)
If you're asking us, you already know the answer.
This situation is extremely difficult. I'd say, if you're strong enough, to hold on. It makes sense to do so only if you two have very strong feelings for each other.
The romantic in me says to stay together, but I know that reality isn't quite like that.
Breaking up before leaving for college would help you both to save yourselves some heartbreak, though. When you transition into an LDR, things tend to go sour. If you want to remember the relationship only in a happy light, breaking up is the better option.
I dated my then-boyfriend for 9 months before I went to college, and we decided to stay together because we really loved each other and we were doing so well in the relationship that we didn't want to be without each other. We lasted for three years of my college career and broke up because his emotional turmoil and non-accepting views of my friend were really interfering with my happiness. We broke up because of something entirely independent of the distance. If you really want to make it work, you will. We saw each other every day before I left, so it really sucked not having him around, but we made it work.
If you're already asking each other that question, and you DO stay together, you'll probably break up by Thanksgiving. Most of my friends that went to school with boyfriends are breaking up with them around now, with the exception of a few, but they are all within an hour radius of their boyfriends so it's easier to see them. Believe me - you'll also want to be single. I'm not saying you should break up with him or not (because ultimately this decision should just be what you two decide) but like the first comment, if you're asking here...you already have your answer.
Yeah, if it's a matter of question, I'd say break up. If you're meant to be together you'd end up together someday. But for now, you should have some single fun at college.
love is about sacrifices and selflessness. sex too.
I called it off.. and we gave "living for ourselves and not someone else" a try. After about five months, we decided we would rather be together even though we don't go to the same school. We are stronger than ever because we know how it could be without each other, and know, without a doubt, that we would rather be together.
you just answered your own question with this statement "We both know long distance isn't going to work for us since we like to see each other a lot".
if yous really like each other you can work through the distance, yea it's going to suck but life isn't exactly all peaches and cream. how do you think men and women feel about their significant other who is in the military and gone for an extended period of time? or relationships where one is constantly away for business? it's just something you have to work through if you really want it.
It takes work, but it's definitely worth it. I live on the east coast, and my boyfriend goes to college in california.
But do try to hold on. A long distance relationship has the same chances of working out as a normal one. Plus you get more time to think things over. :DIt can be done successfully. It can also be a huge failure. Make sure you both make time for one another, but understand that there will be times when you just won't be able to talk on the phone, skype, whatever. Also allow one another to have a social life outside of your relationship. I don't know if following those pieces of advice will guarantee you get the most out of the situation, but those are the reasons my LDR turned out to be an unsatisfying experience.
My boyfriend and I broke up right before I went to college because he didn't want to interfere with my college experience. I did not want to break up at all. We ended up talking again after the first semester and getting back together. It's been two years now :). Two happy incredible years. We are in a long distance relationship. I go to a college 20-40 minutes from where I grew up and I'm living at home right now to save my money, but he lives in Texas and I live in California. To be honest, it doesn't really take any work. We talk everyday and text throughout the day, but I never feel like we have to put work towards our relationship because we're happy and we fulfill each other's needs. We make sure to visit and we make sure that we're talking and keeping in touch with each other's lives. If it's something you want to do then you should do it, but I was also kind of relieved to be single my first semester of college. It was an interesting experience. I didn't really hook up and I never drank like crazy and I still don't. We didn't talk at all during this time though. Long distance just takes patience and it does take some work. If it's not for you then you should probably try taking a break and seeing how it goes.
go with the flow. If breaking up will make you really sad, then don't. If staying together is too difficult, then break it up when it becomes obvious it's not going to work
If you're already thinking along the lines of "Hey, should we just break up because this is going to get, like, really hard?" you probably didn't even need to pose the question to other people. Sounds more like a convenience than a relationship.
When you're feeling negative and doubting yourself, it's probably best if you break it off now. You already answered your own question, so why hold onto a dead end relationship? It don't make any sense to me unless you change your mind and both of you give it a shot and try to make it work.
I hate college. I wish it didn't exist.
When my SO (ex SO?) went to college, everything went downhill for us. We continued dating until December before it got to be too much. We had dated for two and a half years prior. We still talk, of course. And we're trying to work things out, but it's hard.I mean, I say give it a shot. But if you're already having doubts then the answer is pretty much already there...
To be honest with you, I would say that about 80% (maybe more) of all high school relationships do NOT work out in the long run. Many people change a LOT when they go off to college. Plus, you meet so many different kinds of people. In high school, you have a lack of options. But if you really love this guy, by all means, try to make it work. But just don't be surprised if it doesn't work. Good luck you to!
Few things:
College changes people alot, both outside and inside.Depends on what you study, it may be necessary to be care free.
Starting long distance and starting studying in new place and see new people, often results a bad ending of relationship. (Likely but subject to individual)
Long distance often ends because of accumulated lacking of caring and attention.(Example: forgetting to call once and keeps forgetting / Not contacting each other because of some exceptional events and eventually grow apart because of more of those events (or excuses?)
Having a soft break up may actually end up better. Say be apart for some time and if both of you are still single after years, it is rather romantic to be together again. Or if you dont turn out to be together again, it will still be better that you had a sad but romantic goodbye, than an abusive long distance break up call.
My ex boyfriend and I dated for about 8 months before I went to college; we stayed together for about 2 more years before breaking up.
It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship together when you're not around each other 24/7 (or close to 24/7) anymore. Â You have to take into account that he won't know everything that goes on in your life, just as you won't know everything that goes on in his. Â Things will change a lot - both of you are going to continue to grow and develop as individuals, and there's no telling how it's going to impact your relationship. Â Both of you are going to have to maintain a conscious effort to keep the lines of communication open. Â But it's not impossible to keep a relationship going. Â Plenty of people do it, and are happy and successful in doing so. Â
But if you're unsure about what you want, it might be best to break up now, rather than stay together and end up resenting him for "holding you back" a few months or a year down the line. Â One of the biggest complaints people have about entering college in established relationships is that they didn't have a chance to get the "full college experience." Â If you want to be able to go out and experience a life of drunken dorm hook-ups, it's easier to do it single.Â
only you two can answer this question. if you guys did stay together you guys could always text, talk on the phone, even things like skype now. it would still be really difficult. i went through this same situation but we chose to break up. and it turns out we're not on good terms. but if you did put enough effort into it then it should work out. and the more time you spend apart then the time you actually get to see each other will be that much more special.
bottom line is that your the one that's going to have to live with your decision. so make the choice you want to.
Do not call it off unless the relationship is really frustrating to keep, such as one person isn't agreeing to communicate through phone/email/iM. Like they won't return your calls, or they are away most of the time and cannot get in touch with them.
I'm in an LDR which has lasted 2.5 years so far. We see each other at least twice a month (weekends). I wish he came to my school though. We both are a 1 hr drive away, we do not have cars, so its a 5hr bus+train ride. Sometimes we get frustrated at each other, but we work through it. Mostly, because he is reasonable and keeps his composure.
There are pros and cons on being together. Cons would be that you can't focus academically or you restrict yourself from fun things such as make new friends. Pros are just being with an amazing person, who understands you and will hold onto you at your worst or sad times.
Sorry, but this sounds a little immature and lazy to me. However, I know how you feel. I used to have an incredibly immature view about long-distance relationships. For some reason, everyone always says they never work. But that's just not true. Long-distance relationships succeed all the time. Just look at the people whose significant others are fighting overseas right now. And they have it even harder than most people because they don't have the privilege of talking on the phone or skyping every day.
My freshman year of college went something like this:
Me: No long-distance relationships EVER. No matter what!My roommate: I have this incredible boy back home and we're gonna make it work. No matter what!
So, how did it all play out? Well, my roommate ended up cheating on her "incredible boy" a month into the school year. But I also ended up eating my words. I realized that the boy I'd been seeing the Summer before school was better than anyone else I'd met at college (or ever). We danced around it for a while, but eventually officially entered a long-distance relationship. Two years later, things are better than ever. We're even talking about getting married after I graduate.
Don't get me wrong. Long-distance relationships aren't for the weak. It's hard not having the other person with you all the time. But you can make it work. We talk every day, and text throughout, and set up sexy skype dates every week. All relationships take work, and LDRs are no different.
When my school lets out for winter and summer breaks, we live together. It's tough going from always being together to never being together, but I really think it makes us appreciate and look forward to our time together much more.
So, maybe try it out for a while. If you meet someone else, though, please break up with the boy back home. My roommate had the misfortune of awkwardly dating two boys for several weeks, and so much of her turmoil could have been avoided if she'd just cut the other one loose. Don't allow Boy Back Home to hold you back in your pursuit of new things at school, but maybe don't write him off just yet.
Wow, the formatting I did in this comment did NOT translate after I submitted it. Sorry for the jumbled paragraphs!
"We both know long distance isn't going to work for us since we like to see each other a lot." I feel like that isn't any different from any other person's situation. Don't all couples like to see each other a lot?
I don't think people should break up because of college- I think if you like or love somebody there's no point in going through that "just in case" you don't make it. Because you could have made it, and what then? I feel that relationships should be given a fair chance, even in difficult circumstances. There's always a risk involved. It's not always easy. But love is worth the risk and worth the hard work.
But it also depends on your goals in life. Personally, I think dating should occur with the expectation of finding a life partner. So I don't see the point in dating if you don't want to stay together, or at least see it as a possibility. But that's just me.
My boyfriend and I broke up before going to college because his school was six hours away from mine, and I thought it would make the whole transition harder. We hadn't been dating that long, and we thought it was the more logical thing to do at the time. But in the end we got back together after being broken up for a month, during which we still talked and neither of our feelings changed. We're still together now and although I miss him a lot it's not a "hard" relationship and we both realized that it would be worth it in the end to at least try the long distance thing. As long as you love and trust each other enough, it won't be too hard, but then again every situation is different. I would give it a couple months and see how it goes, and if you don't think it's working, then talk about breaking up.