Wednesday, 17 November 2010
-
"Hey...Hey....HEY! Pay Attention to me!"
Everyone enjoys attention. It's natural to want to be in the spotlight now and then.
Even if someone just compliments you or says something nice to you, you can't help but feel good about it.
However, I feel that the issue of "attention" is sometimes given new meaning in relationships. When people start paying attention ONLY to their SO, then there might be a problem.
Is too much attention....bad attention?
Obviously, if you are dating, hooking up with, or going out with a person, you try to give them a lot of your focus. You hang out with them when you can. You plan special dates or occasions, and you might try to text or call them a few times a day, at least.
There's nothing wrong with that. As long as each party is happy and enjoying their time together, there's no issue.
But what happens when one person is extra needy?
They text you non-stop and interrogate you when you don't answer. They constantly demand that you spend every second of your free time with them. They get jealous when you hang out with another friend or family member.
I've noticed many couples in relationships like these. "Ball and chain" isn't even the appropriate word anymore.
When questioned about their behavior, the answer is usually the same: "Why is it so wrong to always want to be around the one you love?"
It's not. And I, myself hang out with my boyfriend almost everyday. However, we always try to give each other alone time during the day.
And I do agree that everyone hangs out with their SO differently. Maybe you see or talk to yours once a week, or everyday.
However, is spending your attention on your SO every second of every day really that healthy?
It's one thing to hang out a lot... It's another if the other person is literally demanding your attention for all 86,400 seconds of the day via text, face-to-face, phone calls, e-mails, smoke signals, you get the drift here.
I think people need their own space sometimes, just to be their own person. If you are focusing your attention on someone else ALL the time, I think that you lose sight of who YOU are.
But what do you guys think? Is giving your SO too much attention a bad thing?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Manny
- Name: Manny
- About Me: I'm just your average 21 year old college girl who overly analyzes love, relationships, and sex.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 46 Views: 0 173874 Comments: 0 1752 View all posts by Manny
Comments (18)
We kinda go through clingy phases where we'd rather spend as much time as we can with each other. Not like every second of every day, but you know, close. I don't know how common that is, lol, but it happens. Whatever, it works for us.
Where do the ishes get all these hundreds of random photos? The ones of people, doing nothing in particularly that doesn't relate to the article in any way?
lol I understand what you are saying... When me and my husband were only dateing we did everything together. If we hung out with friends we would do it together unless it was a girls night together or guys night together.
Even then at the end of the night he would stop by to just spend five minutes together.
We had conversations about clingyness lol and we were mutual on the matter although we both liked it and wanted to be with each other we would take time away because we felt you do need to balance your relationships with friends and family as well.
We did text each other or call to see how each other was doing on days we were together but if we were out to eat or at the movies we would let each other know we are a little busy or to call if it's an emergency. We did it out of respect for the people we were with.
Although I think it is perfectly normal to want to be with your SO as much as possible it must be a mutual thing and even if it is you still need to balance it out for the sake of your friend ships and family relationships if you care about them.
Now if one significant other says back off a bit I'm smothered then there is a issue that need's a talking. All in all it's a relationship thing, that just the two of the people in the relationship need to deal with. Ousiders can always say what they say but, it isn't up to them to try and convince their friend, that their SO is stepping on their toes if they never even seen it as a problem to begin with.
I hope that was clear.. lol i tend to just ramble and hope for understanding of what I meant lol.
~Alex
Now say your friend doesn't mind that their SO is always calling them round the clock but you offended at the fact that they are being rude. Don't try to convince them that their relationship is unhealthy just tell them you feel they are being rude and need to balance their friendships and relationships. If they value you they'll get what your talking about.
I'm the type of person that needs her space. If a dude gets too clingy, I offer up suggestions like, "Why not have a boys' night this weekend?"
Or sometimes, I retreat to the world of Xboxlive. I have my own hobbies, and my own things that I like to do; I expect him to have the same.
@NikBv@xanga - Google.
Yes. Too much attention is bad attention. It's a deal breaker for me if my significant other becomes too clingy. I need my space. My time alone. Even now that we're married, we give each other our own space when we live in the same household. It's great to be together but not all the time.
Not necessarily a bad thing. I use my own relationship as an example. My man and I met at work, we had an instant connection, we worked together everyday, spent time together after work, hung out on the weekends, etc... Fast forward 1.5 years later, we moved across the country together, started our own business and still work together everyday and go home together after work. I can't remember one time in our relationship when I needed to have space and the same goes for him. We've had our fair share of arguments, what couple hasn't, but we always work it out. We never run out of things to talk about, and he still makes me laugh and gives me butterflies in my tummy. I love him more everyday! It's been almost 2 years since we've been together and we are not planning on separating, we will be spending the rest of our lives together. For some people, it just works, for others it doesn't. I guess I just got super lucky
It's definitely a bad thing. I'm definitely a person who likes, actually, a lot of time by myself. If somebody kept trying to push into that, it would not be good at all.
Besides that, I'm not really the type to shower someone with attention. If I were with someone who demanded that kind of energy out of me, it'd get into a bad cycle very fast.Too much of anything is a bad thing. It's pretty much common sense, though I know a lot of people don't have it. And moderation is the key to life, remember that. In life, relationships, or whatever.
I actually like being joined at the hip, breast, face, and thigh, of my Significant Other.
Women, get at me!!!
I think it's fine if both people want to be around each other all the time. I think clingy people end up getting clingy if they notice their so spending lots of attention on other people, but not them. Best friends hang around each other more than most of their other friends. Why shouldn't boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives act the same way? Are they not supposed to be best friends?
LOOK AT MEEE!!!!!
I think spending too much time with an SO can be really bad. The whole "Edward & Bella" type of relationship is very unhealthy. You can't rely on one person to fulfill you, which is what too clingy types are looking for. Other friends and activities still need to be a part of life for someone to be happy and have a healthy relationship.
I'm married and I know that for my husband and I to be at our best, we need time away and we don't expect the other person to a l w a y s be around if they're not working...especially with kids, we need to get away from the situation to rejuvenate sometimes. Long term relationships are more enjoyable when both partners understand the importance of having "me time" whether it's alone or with other friends having fun.
@Hinase@xanga - Well said!
Of course it's a bad thing. It's unhealthy to focus all your time and effort onto one person.
@Transformations2010@xanga - lol XD. Thought that was funny.
On the post, mannnn, I read this because I have this issue. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and we were both always obsessive and paranoid; we always wanted to know where the other was and with whom. We didn't trust each other's friends, so we stopped talking to them. Now, we are in a comfortable place where we both only see each other (a lot) and only talk to each other (a lot). We only occasionally and only briefly speak to other friends. I feel like it's not healthy and that he's going to get tired of me and I'm going to be left with nothing; I feel like I might be putting all my eggs in one basket, and eventually that basket is going to fail. But I love it. I'm happy. I'm just worried this can't last. So I've been giving him space, trying to pick up my hobbies again, trying to find a job, trying to make some new good friends. Even if we both make some friends to hang out with together, it'll be an improvement. We need to reintegrate.
But it's hard :(. I like this, and I know he does, too. No worries. Lol, how sick.
I agree. There is definitely a such thing as too much time together.