Tuesday, 16 November 2010
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You Think Your LDR is Hard? Try Dating Between Hong Kong and Holland
As one of my previous posts stated, I am originally from Hong Kong and grew up there then moved to the U.S. three years ago.
Since Hong Kong is an international city that many people from different countries live there so interracial relationships are pretty common there. But when a foreigner needs to live, what's the other half does? waiting, praying that things will work out, moving with their another half or break up?
Here is what my friend is dealing with his long distance relationship with her girlfriend: my friend, Alan is a local Hong Konger, met his dutch girlfriend, Kim in college. Kim was an exchange student from Holland in Hong Kong last semester. They became friends and started dating the month before she went back to Holland.
Before she left, he made this video for her. The video background is Hong Kong. It is about how he misses her but she has to leave soon.
In the summer he flew over to Holland to visit her. She will come to Hong Kong to visit him in Christmas break. Regardless how much time and money they need to spend on flying back and forth from Holland to Hong Kong, they only see each other a couple times a year.
Does it work? Alan said they Skype every day to keep each other updated. They have been dating for like six months, so I guess it's working for them so far.
Another case is my friend from Ukraine is dating this guy from India. They both went to school in the U.S. but my friend already graduated this May and went back to Ukraine and the guy is still here.
I asked her "So is it gonna work out?" She said "I don't know. I will see." They Skype each other, too.
What if I fall in love with an American guy but need to go back to Hong Kong? What should I do?
I am not a U.S. permanent resident or a citizen here. So after I graduate in 2012, I will need to leave in three months if I don't get a job. It's an immigration law.
Honestly, I wouldn't want to get married at a young age. I want to have a boyfriend here and am attracted to American guys. At the same time, I am afraid to fall in love here.
Have you experienced something like this? What would you do if you fell in love with a foreigner?
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- From: lotte810
- Name: lotte810
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Comments (32)
I pretty much refrain from falling in love with foreigners. I don't believe in LDR's, I don't believe they truley work. And even if they do, I know it's not something for me. I'm the type that needs a lot of attention. I really don't understand the kids in my classes that start dating the Japanese exchange students and actually keep it up through facebook. I think they're weird.
Falling in love is a choice. You choose to fall in love with someone you'll eventually have to leave. Don't want to end up in that situation? When you feel yourself falling for someone simply limit your time around them and fall back out of it.
Umm... It's hard but it can be harder. Lot's of tears but it's love. I just deal with it, I choose it and I know I'm doing what is best for me.
I have friends that started dating long distance. He was in Australia and she was in Mexico. But it worked out and they got married and she moved all the way with him to Australia. =) I'm quite happy for them.
I'm in USA, he's in Turkey. We've been together for 3 years now.
I don't like the title. Ever met someone in a LDR with miltary? That's harder considering that they can't talk to the person whenever they want.
@xSimpleFaithx@xanga - Fortunately, that's the title made by the editors..I checked the source on it. I never usually like the titles they give to my posts or anyone's posts on the ish sites.
@Hinase@xanga - Well that makes me feel a little better.
I was in a long distance relationship. We now live in the same state and are engaged. Mine was only an 8 hour distance, mind you - but I believe if two people really love each other and want to be with each other, they will. It might take awhile, but ultimately, they'll be together. I guess you just have to decide if it's worth it.
@xSimpleFaithx@xanga - Glad to be of help to you =) Like I said..I think these titles are very misleading and sometimes rude at times...they need to work on better titles, that I can agree to.
seriously? who cares? if you feel you're incapable of long-distance, don't hook up with some dude and get attached. do your homework and go home. how hard is that?
or you COULD just find some guy, so you can match everyone else on xanga whining about their LDRs all the time. then post about how HARD it is to be faithful, then another about how you cheated (but it's not like it was your fault or anything). then a little more sob story time about how mean he was when you broke up. then post about how he was THE ONE even though you dated for three months.
peer pressure says follow paragraph two.
common sense says go with paragraph one.
I think the title is a little rude. Who can say some LDR is more difficult than another? That isn't very fair.
you cant REFRAIN from falling in love. when you do, you just DO, and it sweeps you off your feet ;P haha
i met my boyfriend in texas when he came from hong kong for school. upon graduation, he moved back home, leaving me here, still in school. it's definitely tough, we've been apart for over 4 months now and i'm going to visit during xmas! :D
it just takes time and alot of trust, if you believe you found the right guy, just go with it! dont stop yourself just because he might move away. there's always the possibility of a break up with anyone you date.
@OfficerPandy - I didn't make the title. Datingish made it for me.
@xSimpleFaithx@xanga - I was thinking the same when I read the title and the blog itself.
I also agree that military relationships are hard just as much or harder (if I might say). You can't communicate or skype with em when you want or feel the need to see their face and hear their voice.
Anyways, to the OP, if you want to get into a relationship, you need to get off your high horse and stop whining. Stop worrying before hand. Do what you gotta do when you're in a relationship. If you're willing to make it work, it will work.
@xSimpleFaithx@xanga - Dude...so agreed.
@xSimpleFaithx@xanga - Thank you!
Try it military style. No one ones the hardships of an LDR like a military couple.
I haven't and I won't.
i definitely support ldr and yes, it can work if both people are willing to make it work. my last relationship was a ldr and while we were together, it worked. we spent a lot of time on the phone, over msn, text and a lot of flights back and forth to each others places. in any relationship, it takes work because when one stops working towards the relationship, it was fall.
I went abroad last semester (beginning January 2010), Edinburgh, Scotland to be exact. Within my first three weeks there, I met a guy who goes to the University of Edinburgh (where I was studying for the semester) and who is originally from Newcastle in England. We hit it off really well, and hung out a few more times afterwards and one thing led to another and by the beginning of February I had myself a legitimate boyfriend. Granted, from the very beginning we had agreed that once I flew back home to the US (which would be June 2010). But since when do things go as planned? We ended up getting very close throughout my time there and we both fell in love with each other. Still we made sure to keep it in the back of our minds that I'd be going back to the states in a couple of months time. Eventually the date of my departure was ever approaching and we were avoiding actually having a conversation of whether or not we were actually going to end things or what we were gonna do? I was totally against the idea of trying the whole long distance thing out, but one day he sat me down and basically talked me into give a LDR a shot. It's now November 2010 and we're still together. We Skype every now and then, or give each other a call. He's in Edinburgh at the moment, and I'm in New York. So far we've been holding together, there are of course moments where neither of us can bare it, but it is what it is. Dunno whats going to happen tomorrow or next week or next month, but as of right now, we're together!
Hopefully I'll be going to visit him over winter holidays next month and into January!
I used to be in an LDR. It was very long-term and very, very serious. We broke it off, not because of distance, but because with nothing to do but talk, we realized that we wanted very different things. Things can work.
I grew up in the Philippines and moved here to America 7 years ago. I DID have a relationship when I left, but come on, I was 14, so that barely counted. But I guess it's a universal thing for LDR's to be extremely complicated. That's pretty self-explanatory.
Here's the thing though. The relationship will actually last as long as they're apart, but once they get back together, that's when things get shaky. I'm a Psychology major studying Interpersonal Relationships, and we are learning about this. The couple starts to idealize each other, hanging on to the very best part of their loved one. It's not a conscious thought. (If anything, it's sort of a coping mechanism). This means that the relationship is actually pretty good when they're far from each other, but when they're finally reunited, that's when conflicts arise.
So from experience (sort of) and from science's point of view, LDR's are generally not a good idea. Heartbreaking, I know. :/
I have been in a similar situation, though not as extreme (though there was a 5 hour difference). And if you fall, you fall.
LDR are more than possible, they can be amazing. But it's a different type of communicating, and functioning, that both people need to adapt and be willing to work on at the same level. Some people don't like that, some need physicalities, making it much more difficult to adapt. If you are don't have those difficulties, and go in a LDR willing to communicate as much as possible, then there's little fear to have, imo. That is based soley on yourself, and noone can tell you otherwize.
@PrincessPatriotII@xanga - Wow, kudos. :)
@xSimpleFaithx@xanga - totally agree.
i went to high school with a guy, liked him ever since 9th grade but we never dated then. he joined the navy. we never had a relationship, but even a friendship with someone in the military is difficult because you can't always be there for each other. i have friends in other states that i can text or call anytime i want. but, my military friends are out of touch the majority of the time. especially the ones in Afghanistan and Iraq. i couldn't imagine being in a relationship with any of them and not being able to have the closeness you can with someone local or even someone that you can text/call anytime you want. and knowing that their lives are on the line doesn't help. i'm not saying i wouldn't ever do it, i most definitely would if i liked/loved the guy, but i think military relationships are probably the hardest.
@animechrisy@xanga - Thanks. You comment explains it perfectly. Everyday in a LDR is a choice you make. If you really want to see it through, you can.
Yeah I'm a bit confused about the title too. I would imagine that dating between Hong Kong and Holland IS LDR.
@DuDe_Im_RyT_HiR@xanga - Holy smokes, I hope that doesn't happen.
To the author: As a few have mentioned, military relationships are one of the hardest. I myself am the military, in Singapore. My girlfriend's actually in Hong Kong, too. She's also graduating next year. Cool~
Skype saves lives.