Saturday, 13 November 2010
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How Can I Believe In Love Again After Being Hurt So Badly?
I don't want to be bitter about love. I don't want to lose faith in love.
But I have moments where I just want to stab love, throw it in the middle of the street, and run it over with my car.
Okay fine, that was a bit dramatic... anyway....
It's been about two weeks since I last saw Mister. About two weeks since he told me he was no longer in love with me. About 2 weeks since he broke my heart into pieces and shattered the dreams we built together. About two weeks since I felt his arms around me. About two weeks since I felt his lips on mine for the last time.
I miss him. I miss him more than I can describe.
When I first met him, I wasn't looking for anything serious. I was a college freshman, ready to experience the college life and the hot college guys. But Mister came along. He made me smile and laugh and happy. I wasn't looking for anything serious, but I found it. I found love.
I fell for Mister fast and hard. I honestly truly fell in love for the first time in my life and it was the most amazing feeling ever.
Never before that had I felt that way about anyone. I had dated other guys, but it was different this time around. I really fell in love with him. And being the believer that I was, I didn't think to grab a life jacket before I dove in. It never once entered my mind that our love would end. I jumped without a safety net. I handed him my heart without a second thought.
We were together for three and a half years. And then two weeks ago, everything changed.
Now I have moments where I hate myself for being so stupid and believing that we were going to last forever. I have moments where I hate myself for believing he was the one. I hate myself for letting myself dream of the future, of our future that will no longer happen. Why was I such a stupid naive idiot? How could I have believed in forever?
I don't want to be bitter about love, but right now I am.
How does anyone not lose faith in love when loving someone has resulted in your heart being shattered into pieces? When loving someone has brought so much pain that you feel you can't breathe? How are you ever supposed to trust someone that much again when you've felt this much pain?
I don't want to be bitter about love. I don't want to put walls up and guard my heart. I don't want to wall myself off from love.
I hope it's true that time heals all wounds because I really don't want to hate love.
I'm not asking you how to get over him. I'm not asking you if I will ever be happy again. What I ask you is this -- Was it hard to believe in love again after someone shattered your heart?
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- From: Riinaaa@xanga
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Comments (31)
I'm sorry. I know how this feels. You felt you could trust someone because you have all these "love" feeling for them, you show them your love, you give them everything, and show your affection, just for it to end. It will be hard to go on, but remember you broke up 2 weeks ago, you can't expect to heal fast. You can't rush healing, it takes time. It does help to talk to people and focusing on yourslef. You will hate yourself for falling in love at times, other times you will hate the ex, and there will be times you think you did something wrong or should've done something differently, and of course there will be times where you will blame the ex for things or say how he is a douche. It may seem difficult to remember or even understand at this time in your situation but if he broke up with you he has issues, not you. He may have commitment issues or some self-esteem insecurities, and you deserve a lot better. You will eventually find someone to love. And all of this is coming from a girl who's last 2 relationships were short and was dumped twice from thos 2 relationships. I hope this helps!
I'm bitter about love, all because I've had my heart broken terribly by someone I was in love with. Plus, all I hear about are people cheating on each other, getting bored with each other, and people breaking up over the stupidest shit. It's so pointless to even risk it when it's most likely gonna end and be a huge waste of your time.
People always tell me "You'll find someone eventually, I promise" but it's all just fairytale bullshit.
i could go on forever about this.
but i know how you feel.
<3
dont call him, delete him from your life for a while. trust me youll regret doing the opposite
yes, it's true that love can be a source of heartbreak.
however, it is with love that we get to see the purpose in life.
I have been hurt by people I love before, but I just tell myself, "My true love exists. I just haven't found him yet"
Just be patient. He'll come around some day.
You're not the only one to deal with this... in fact, start listening to music & you'll hear people singing about exactly how you feel! Unfortunately, as we all go through it, you just have to deal. Put one foot in front of the other, smile through it, and you'll wake up one day realizing it wasn't as hard as it has been. Pain fades over time. You'll meet someone else and fall in love again. If you're LUCKY- you won't get hurt again. But I'll warn you that it's doubtful the next guy will be "the one" who treats you right forever. The fun is in the 1st kisses. Meeting someone for the first time. Meeting their friends. Exploring new adventures with them. You'll find all of that & more- I promise. take the time to heal & don't get back together with him or into a new relationship right away. You'll be fine, promise.
Someone deeply hurt me two years ago, and I honestly thought that I could never trust any guy again. So yes, it is true that one stupid person can make you lose faith in love, because it happened to me. I didn't know what I would do without him, and I hated him for making me feel this way. He made me fall so deeply in love with him and then threw me to the curb. It happens. You just need time and you will begin to believe in love again. Just make sure to keep your heart open and accept the fact that there are people like this, but there are also people who just want to love you back. You will find that guy.
oh i feel you, believe me i do. =/ *hugs*
I was in almost this exact same position a few months ago. I'm not going to repeat what people above me have said, but I want to address your question. My ex broke up with me right after my birthday and told me he just didn't love me. I gave him everything I had and was left feeling empty and completely hollow. Now I've made a new start for myself in a new place and I've met some one with whom I could see myself with. I don't see myself EVER loving like I did before, blindly, fully, passionately, loyally, but I can see myself building a relationship and a strong mutual caring sort of love.
I am taking things slow this time. There were things that my ex did that made me feel like shit that I excused or tried to just be understanding about, but I am not taking any of that bullshit anymore and never will again.
I still believe in love, but I will always have a part of my heart and soul that belong to my ex. That part of me will belong to what we had. However, I can see something new starting and lasting.
I still do believe in love, and trust me I had one of those horrific I can't breathe anymore sort of breakups, but I have learned more what a true and lasting love should be. I am no longer as naive or willfully innocent about how painful it can be. There are times when even about 6 months later, even though I am seeing some one wonderful, that I feel on the brink of tears and my ribs ache and my heart feels empty. I still have moments when I feel like I belong to him, but I know that I deserve better from my love.
Keep believing.
Everyone has at least gone through this before..just be strong? It's hard to believe in love right now..but the best thing you can do now is delete him from your life and try to move on.
@Pysia - Thanks for sharing your story. I guess I feel the same way - in the sense that I can't see myself ever loving anyone the same way. With him, I jumped in blindly. And after having him hurt me, I can't see myself ever loving anyone else with the same innocence. (If that makes sense?)
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - Thanks for the advice. Right now, like you said, I'm just trying to move forward. I'm having a tough time for now, but with time, hopefully I'll see love as the wonderful thing it is again.
@Hinase@xanga - as michelle said, just be strong.
though, for me, i never tend to shun people from my life no matter how much they've done to me. It's hard to explain how to get up from it, but I've nver been bitter towards love because I just constantly realize that not everyone's the same and not everyone will be the same. also, i expect to be hurt when i put myself in those situations
You can't expect to be okay after two weeks. You are going to be bitter about love when it's only been two weeks. After two weeks, the wounds are still fresh and the feelings are still there. You might always have feelings towards him. If there's anything I learned from my first love was that even after three years, I still love every part of him, but I've learned to let that go to rest because I found someone that fulfills part of the love that I never had with Ken. When the second guy and I broke up, I was literally heartbroken and I was bitter for months, but then one day I was fine. You might be bitter for a long time, but one day you'll realize that the world still goes round and that there is still someone there who is better for you and someone that returns your feelings and they won't fall out of love with you.
Though it can be hard to do in an emotional state, which people find themselves in during a harrowing breakup, the best thing you can try to do is be rational and objective, and realise that sometimes you're given a bad card in life, but the next card may be a wild. There's always a chance, and that's what is great about life.
and this is exactly why I'm so scared to be in love. I honestly believe I won't have any faith in love either if my S/O ever leaves me. I'm sorry :-/ Only time makes it softer. Lots and lots of time. take care.
aaah... i'm biter about love as well right now. i don't wanna lose faith in it either but right now, i'm BLAH and whatever when it comes to love. don't believe anymore.. BUT, that was my 3rd relationship.. there is always that light in the end of the tunnel.. after my 2nd relationship end, i was devastated, i was bitter and angry when i see couples in the train.. but time heals wounds.. so this too shall pass. it's hard, but you'll find happiness again
I'm in your shoes at this very moment. However, despite the pain I'm feeling now, I am optimistic that I will find love again.
Get off facebook and hit the gym!
when you figure it out, could you please let me know? -__-
I know how you feel, I've gone through it. I was bitter about love for a while. It has been a year and yes I have dated other guys, but I have never fallen in love. I don't think I'm bitter about it anymore, just more cautious. Being too cautious is bad though, but I can't help it.
@StarlessArtemis@xanga - I love your optimism. =)
@pasaway4eva@xanga - "This too shall pass." Simple words that make so much sense!
The good news is you don't WANT to be bitter. That's a good sign that your heart will heal and you will be able to move on. I've been there. You can make it girl. You never think you're going to get over it...until you are.
i've been there. literally almost killed me being there. my psychiatrist helped me out of that phase.
i never thought i would make it out. everyone said that i would have my life back soon and no longer hurt. i didn't believe them then, but they were right. i did make it.
yes, i am still emotionally scarred. i'm insecure and have extremely low self esteem ever since near the end of our relationship, and i'm working on that. with the anger and heartache out of the way, though, it's easier to rebuild myself.
it'll all be okay. i promise :)
I believe strongly that TIME heals all wounds. Even a shattered heart that has been beaten down for days gone end. Think of this logically. This is your time to reflect on things that was good and bad about Love. The emotion is unexplainable and it is seriously a drug which stimulates our brains toward happiness. The blaming game only cause more trouble with your head and your heart. As you can see through these posts that you are not alone. Take heart and I know honestly that Love will come along. Use this time to reflect your life. It is a good refresher to organize your priorities.
I am honestly guilty to have to put someone that I strongly liked in your shoes. She said to me "I might not find Love or even Trust again." I was devastated when I heard this. I have vowed myself to never to do this act ever again to hurt another. I even thought to become single forever. Life is always twists and turns...
Right now, I have someone of interest and I am doing the best to be cautious to see where this might be heading. So far, it is going pretty well. In the end I am hoping for the best and not dwell one the worst. =D
Take heart and mind child and do great things!
i'm going through the EXACT same thing. except it's been like 9 months. give it time, babe. i know it's hard and cliche to hear this, but time really does heal everything. don't expect to fall in love again anytime soon. give it time, and you'll come to realize that there is someone out there MORE special, someone better for you. and that someone will find you one day when you least expect it. trust me.
6 months ago, I decided to call it quits with the only man I have ever been "in love" with. I was engaged to a man for 4 years, married to another for 12, and in a 2 year rebound with another. But THIS was the first time I didn't just love a man, I was in love with him.
How do I know the difference? Because I was willing to forgive him almost anything. I controlled my temper when I did get angry and waited to approach him respectfully about things that bothered me. I never held back, but I did it calmly. And I forgave him the things that bothered me, overlooked/accepted the things that annoyed me. Loved him when he was sick, upset me, was good to me. You name it. Love that forgives everything, accepts everything....you know the saying. He was a person I respected, found attractive, knew we looked good together, we treated each other well and, I knew KNEW that we had all the makings to be one of "those couples". You know the ones with 50th anniverseries?
But there was one thing that I couldn't keep doing (not with 2 kids from my marriage) and I finally had to say "I love you" but if you can't stop, I have to go. The issue was something he (we) struggled with and he couldn't/wouldn't over come it. And it broke my heart so many times I think it finally shattered. But what happened next made it all the worse.
Within a week of us breaking up, he was with another woman. (While he was still LIVING with me!). I finally said, you have to go, cause I can't handle this. Especially since I got to see him every day at the community pool laughing and talking to her and, eventually holding and kissing her. Everyone kept saying, that's just the way it is. You'll find yours. It will be fine, just start dating. Its just a matter of time! Whatever. I don't think they understood. I was still in love with him.
Then, he started "looking down" on me and then just looking right through me. Here's the crazy thing, this time, this relationship I KNOW I did just about everything right. Crazy? Maybe, but I'd had alot of experience in other relationships to do this right. The only reason I called it quits was because of one problem of his.
Ok, I'm meandering. So, here's the thing. I'm almost past the heartache, but what I CAN'T get past, is how do I ever believe in love - real love - again? Especially when something that was what I thought so strong and so right for 3 years is all but done and gone as if it never was? I'm not bitter. Just it makes no sense. None. If I was "in love" and now I'm not and we were good together, but we're no longer. And I gave it everything I had and then reached down to find more but it still went away? How do you ever believe (or want to) in doing it again?