Rape Fantasy (RF) is a form of sexual role playing where both parties consent to intercourse but partake in an illusion that coercion or forced intimacy is taking place.
The RF is dangerous territory because the line between consensual and non-consensual is very blurry.The risky side of the date rape fantasy is knowing when to draw the boundary in a situation where the boundary is supposed to be crossed. If your partner is saying "No! Please Stop! Don't!", then it's difficult to know if s/he's just going along with the RF or if s/he really wants you to stop.
Let's set a scenario shall we?
You've had a few too many drinks and the hottie with the body across the room is eyeing you all evening. S/he offers you a ride home. You take it.
Suddenly, things get way too hot and heavy too quickly and you really want to leave.
You try saying "Stop, Seriously, Stop!" and your beau, who is probably under the influence as well, continues up the one way role play in a simulated date rape fantasy.The rough play becomes increasingly more intense but your verbal cue to cease and desist is falling on deaf ears. And to make matters worse, the persistence and coercion is actually arousing you...
At this point, the line between RF and date rape is hard to distinguish.
In your mind, you really don't want to continue. But your beau is fulfilling the role that you always fantasize about--the dominator.Fast Forward: The night continues and you wake up the next morning feeling foggy.
Was it just another simulated rape fantasy or was it date rape and why?
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Comments (88)
That's what safety words are for.
@BingleBot@xanga - Ditto.
Um, I do see the controversy from the victim's perspective it's rape. From the perpetrator's the victim did not say "seriously, no joke, stop!"
@BingleBot@xanga - yes!
and also bdsm or anything of that nature should never be done under the influence of alcohol. safe sane and consensual. :)
just rape me so that i can say i was raped. that way, i can be the victim wih even more problems. let's get a camera and film me trying to squirm away. i got my brain circumcised. i'm wondering what sex would be like.
definatly not date rape, going home with someone you just met someone is like an invitation for sex.
if that's not what you intended to happen, do not put yourself in those situations
people can only blame themselves in situations like this
Safe words...
@BingleBot@xanga - yup.
Safety words were made for a reason. If they ignore it, then thats date rape. Never drink while playing that shit. It makes everything so much more difficult than it needs to be.
@summerdreams505Aa@xanga - @BingleBot@xanga - agreed to both
People have already mentioned it but yes, normally fantasies and role plays are carried out
1. with consent given PRIOR to the action
2. with a saftey word set when its gone too far and
3. with a healthy or loving respect between both people inacting the fantasy
And in some cases partners who have been together for a while or who have a good emotional or spiritual connection, can pick up on their partners moods or know there body language enough to know if something isn't right...
however there are people who indulge in fantasies "last minute" or as a fling. In that case i could see some danger.
blurry blurry, but that kind of thing shouldn't be carried out while drunk.
And this is why safe words are used in any Sub/Dom fetish play. Solves the problem. Also if you're not that sure about doing it, then don't try it in the first place. It is hardcore shit. If you can't take it, then don't fucking do it. It is abosolutely not for everyone.
I'll only roleplay fantasies and carry them out with someone I'm in a relationship with. meeting a random guy at the bar to have that fantasy, then not sure if it was date rape or roleplay, is just a dumb thing to do.
I think that (as with any situation) it's easy to judge what you think something might be like if you've never experienced it for yourself. @butterflykisses0x@xanga - I agree. If you go home with someone you've just met and then suddenly you don't know why the person is making advances toward you, well.. that's your fault. @BingleBot@xanga - yep yep
@lilblucherrygrl@xanga - very much agreed
It's not my type of thing really..and luckily not my bf's either. Glad for that as well.
Surely it's not role-play unless both parties have agreed to it being role-play?
Too bad if the safety word was something like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, or the extremely long name of a Welsh town (and such). Would be hard to understand if you're wearing a gag or something as well. Protip: Keep it simple, or just settle for plain old rough sex. Rape fantasy to me suggests "Go see a shrink!"
@BingleBot@xanga - exactly this.
ANY type of role playing fantasy that takes control, even slightly, away from one participating party should have a safe word discussed and decided on before hand. It should be something that would not normally be used in a sexual situation (Something like dishwater, something you cannot ever see yourself using in a sexual context).
In a situation like this, the lines are extremely blurred. Technically, by the very basest definition of the word (Non consensual sexual intercourse) she was raped. BUT the guy she was with didn't have rape on his mind. He thought he was fulfilling a fantasy. THIS is a prime example of why situations like this need to have things like safety words, and plenty of discussion beforehand. It would not be out of the question for the friends of the hypothetical female to insist she was raped and have her file a report, which will cause a lot of heartache for both of them, and possibly ruin a man's life when he really didn't do anything wrong.
@individually_surveys@xanga - That's the thing...in this specific scenario, they DID both agree to the role play. One party changed their minds halfway through, but neither of them had thought of a way to end the role play. When you're involved in a rape fantasy, the point of it is to have control taken away. It's an act. However, just like a director yells 'cut' when something is going wrong when filming a movie, people involved in a role play sex act need to have a way to end the act.
@MistressCraze@xanga - Ah, okay. They should have organised a safe word :)
@Mirandasheart@xanga - YES.
This post confuses the whole thing. A rape FANTASY is a shared thing, so you can do it with consent. If it's not done with consent, then it just sounds like two people with different ideas of what's going to go down, and that's not a rape fantasy to say nothing of the fact that it involves no consent. The poster obviously has no idea what a proper rape FANTASY is and how it's organized.
The post gives us a date-rapish situation which is perhaps turning on the to-be-date-rapee. That in itself is a blurry situation, but it's not a rape fantasy in any respect except that maybe the date rapist has one, but the poster hasn't clearly indicated that, so again, this isn't about rape fantasy, it's about date rape ambiguities, about which we've already had I don't know how many posts here.
@butterflykisses0x@xanga - Taking a ride home from someone and "Going home with someone" are two completely different things. So anytime you take a ride home from someone in an inebriated state it's implied that your'e going to sleep with him or her? I feel severely uncomfortable with this line of thinking....
@BingleBot@xanga - @TequilaKisses@xanga - @butterflykisses0x@xanga - @individually_surveys@xanga - @xpialadocious@xanga - @MistressCraze@xanga - The difference between "organized" (I can think of no better word) and impromptu situations is that one is planned and one is spontaneous. In this scenario, the person was not planning on sleeping with the other individual, was drunk, and they had no safe word because they weren't in a relationship and weren't planning on having sex. You're missing the point entirely. This is a scenario where someone had to much to drink...was offered a ride...took the ride...started kissing...things got frisky...wanted to stop...other person didn't stop...but the resistance of the other person was like that of a RF. She didn't want to have sex. She was struggling for the other person to stop. Other person did not stop (again not a planned date rate fantasy). RF occurs under controlled safe sane and sober circumstances as another commenter mentioned. The element of spontanaeity leaves it up for grabs. Mas claro everyone?
@EBailey@revelife - oh. uh, well then that's just plain rape. why would he even think that he was fulfilling a fantasy?