Wednesday, 10 November 2010
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What Is a Fairytale Romance to YOU?
My friends and I often have discussions/debates on a lot of things where we invite other friends to join in the conversation.
Awhile ago there was this particular woman that was the total opposite from my usual “type” that really just drew me in. When I first met her and spent time with her (because we had a mutual friend), I found her to be extremely loud, rude, foul mouthed and inconsiderate.
In addition to that, she blasted graphic rap music (I don’t like rap music), didn’t know how to talk to people, and didn’t present herself like a lady at all. Yet there was still something about her that intrigued me and I didn’t know why.
Well our mutual friend invited her one evening and I was quite intrigued with her responses to our topics of conversation. For the record, we were discussing dating and relationships and for the first time, I saw something in her I’d never seen before: her vulnerable side.
She shared with us that she would like to experience a fairytale romance. When she said that, I thought to myself “Fairytales aren’t real,” but when she went on to explain what she meant, I was completely taken off guard.
To her, a fairytale romance (something I deemed unrealistic) was based off a mutual respect.
It was honesty, faithfulness, and a love that was not only given but was reciprocated. It was small gestures like greeting cards and intimate conversations. It was grand gestures like planning a date and showing true feelings through actions instead of words.
It’s what you and I would deem as normal; so, I wondered why she saw this as being a fairytale. After all, a fairytale is implausible and I didn’t understand why she felt that what she described was so.
It wasn’t until she started talking about her previous relationship experiences, that it all started making sense to me. She had been in multiple relationships that had failed. She had been cheated on several times, lied to several times and because of those experiences, she even went on to say that she started giving up hope. Our mutual friend went on to tell her that she should never give up hope and to see those experiences as lessons of what to avoid the next time around, something I happened to agree with.
What is a fairytale romance to you? Has your past shaped how big you dream when it comes to true love?
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- From: WhenAManLoves@xanga
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Comments (32)
I completely understand. I have had relationships like hers and I finally got my fairytale romance with my new bf.
none, I don't want to mate. I don't want to have sex.
One that enters with a good surprise. As the magic continues, everything fits like a puzzle and after the trials and tests, they live happily ever after. No heartache, no breakups, no death or sadness.
That's the fairy tale. Being happily together forever.@Colorsofthenight@xanga - Love doesn't have to equal sex. I know people who don't want sex at all (like, ever. Asexual), but still long for affection and stability from that one special person.
@Mangonese@xanga - I have to move. I don't think they're budding, so they arent' asexual.
@Colorsofthenight@xanga - If you don't mind me asking....why not?
@Mangonese@xanga - REALLY?! there are people who don't want ever? I thought all people had natural urges... guys to spread their seed everywhere and reproduce and girls to be express her love.
I understand the girl's feelings because I've been in bad relationships and am in a much better one now, but my gosh it's sad that she deems a normal and healthy relationship as a fairytale. I really hope she finds someone who makes happy and fulfills her fantasies to every degree.
@lttlegel@lovelyish - - because I'm too old for it. There won't be anything. Plus, we live in a society where monetary rules. I would be a disappointment. You all have self-esteem of deserving and no definitions. Thus, I would be abused--and rightly so, and I don't even care, which makes it worse. Things get complicated. I tried to mate and I was destroyed for going into a bar. Fuck it. Civilization has pissed me off for the final time.
My favorite thing is when they take a want of mine and punish me because I need a reality check. And then, I'm the ultimate evil when I'm on the fringe of civilization because I don't give anything, but when I try to give, it's the same as everyone else, and I need to shut up and mind myself but don't focus on myself when I'm told that I'm the problem.
It's impossible for me to do anything, so I'm going to keep asking Putin for help because that's almost logical in my reality of void.
yes, my past relationships definitely shape how big i dream of true love. i just want mutual love (obviously), trust, and respect. it seems like not alot but i've had a hard time finding all of those things. definitely trust though.
My fairytale romance involves one where we are equal. I want a boy that will always want to make me happy, and will go out of his way to do so. I want someone to just stay up late at night and watch movies or listen to music with me for hours on end. Someone that I can just joke around with and be serious with. I want to be completely comfortable in my skin around him and have all my worries just disappear when I'm with him. I don't want to have to worry about meeting their expectations.
My past, well actually my present, has definately effected my dream relationship. I've been in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship for two years now and I'm not even sure what to be able to expect out of a normal relationship. All I know is that I want one. I know that I have to leave, but its just hard mustering up the courage to do so. Its scary to stay and its scary to leave.
meet, fall in love, it lasts.
My fairytale romance is being really truly loved by someone. Everyday feeling secure in his love. Knowing we are taking care of each other and there for each other forever through everything. No matter how bad things get.
My past definitely shaped this. I learned with my first love that I had so much love to give someone. I never doubted that I had the capacity to love someone no matter what without anything holding me back with everything I had in me until it hurt so much I wanted to die. So my impossible fairytale was to find someone who could do the same. I did. I found my wonderful husband who loves me so much and will always take care of me. But even now because of my past heart break I struggle with finding it in myself to actually trust that I am lovable and loved. I need to hear it and see it and feel it every second of everyday. Which is a total unrealistic fairy tale. But I'm working on being able to accept that.
I don't dream of fairytale romance. Or love for that matter. It's nice to consider it but I don't. I take it for what it is between two real people. I think dreaming or even pondering about it won't do any good.
I think a fairytale relationship, honestly, is one that makes you happy. I have been lied to, cheated on, all that good stuff. My current boyfriend to me is like my prince. He's honest and he's funny and even just snuggling with him makes me feel happier than I have in a longer time. That's my fairy tale.
My past is definitely and directly responsible for my views on romance, and especially that of the fairytale nature.
Sadly, my fairytale has come to an end, and I really don't think I'll be able to find what I had. But I am a hopeless romantic, so I know truthfully that I will never stop looking, never stop waiting.
Cheers to a great post.
Oh my gosh, that girl has, in fact, described the most perfect relationship ever!
Cheaters, liars, and bad people are just normal people. Sadly enough, the rare one is the nice one.he'll pick me up on our date in a 1920's cadillac, kiss my hand and tell me something sweet, then we have dinner at a snazzy restaurant and dance the night away on the ballroom floor as a jazz band plays a romantic song
I'll feel on top of the world.
no cell phone disruptions, no autotune artificially enhanced music, no sexual bumping and grinding type of dancing...just lovely old fashioned romance of wooing the woman because playing hard to get isn't a bad thing...usually men, who want instant gratification think that way. the chase is part of the romance.
@lttlegel@lovelyish - Nope. Not everyone has "natural urges". Some people are just born asexual. Some people become asexual later in life. Sometimes it's chemical, sometimes it's psychological, sometimes it's both. But there are definitely people who have no sexual urges, ever.
I had a fairytale romance but it had a ending.
"It was honesty, faithfulness, and a love that was not only given but was reciprocated.It was small gestures like greeting cards and intimate conversations.It was grand gestures like planning a date and showing true feelings through actions instead of words."
How is that not a fairytale? I've never known a guy to plan a date, except in the movies. Something SO FREAKING SIMPLE, and yet so rare. All we ask for is thoughtfulness, just THINK OF US, be considerate. But no, guys are just content with the fact that they HAVE a girlfriend, and as long as that remains true, what's the point in putting forth any effort??
Sorry for getting on my soap box.
A fairytale romance is not what Disney is. My fairytale romance is trust, love, respect, honesty, loyalty, and cats. It is snuggling, it is cuddling, it is Xbox and it is talking. I don't need cards and chocolates and stuffed animals. I just need to know that I am his everything, his reason for waking up, his reason to put money away for our future. Knowing that we have a future together and that, no matter what we go through, that future is still there is my fairytale romance.
to me, "fairytale romance" translates to "unrealistic" - what with perfect guy, perfect girl, prince charming who sweeps the girl off her feet and they live in a castle forever being perfect to each other. i don't personally wish for a fairytale romance, and i don't consider wonderful relationships to be something unattainable or unrealistic, either. i guess you could say i have a normal view of love. and no, my past has not stopped me from finding love and dreaming big.
for me its finding a Muslim guy who has the same values and practices as me. i want my husband to be a virgin, in every way. i havent ever dated, and kissing even hugging has been out of the question for me. i've been saving myself completely for my husband and a fairytale would be to find a person who's done about the same for me. a mutual...preservation (i cant think of another word at the moment) simply for the value of respecting our future spouse.
i guess it sounds absolutely impossible in a certain light, but i have some hope that my fairytale has been a reality for a substantial number of couples in the Muslim world.
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I found my foul mouthed, strong, manly, funny, goofy, childish, reliable, supportive man and he IS the "prince" that will sail away with a big happily ever after rainbow over our heads.... I used to think I'd find my fairytale romancer in a Korean guy; with similar upbringing and somewhat agnostic believes about "God" and all that, but I found it in my Italian-Canadian guy. lol Although raised Catholic, he's really not a true "religious" believer so I guess I found my tall, dark, handsome guy who ate as much spicy foods as our family normally does, what more can I want?
(oh if he could stop the "dutch oven" attempts, that would be heaven!) lol
now, if my career/job fairytale has a remote chance of being attainable as I've found my bf to be... I'd be living in a DISNEY kind of world, hm? :)