Wednesday, 10 November 2010
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The Difference Between Friendship and Something More
What is the difference between a close friendship and a close relation?
Most of us believe that when friendship becomes stronger, it may turn into relationship. The truth is different.
Think about the kind of talk you have with your friends. You are always very open about your failures and shortcomings. You are not shy of talking about your problem and asking friends to help. In a close friendship, you expect to know everything about each other.
How about a relationship? Think about animals.
They also show their best side to their mate. We human beings keep lot of secrets away from our partner. We do not want to tell about our failures and shortcomings. We also try to impress our partner when we are in romance.
This difference between friendship and relationship is very deep. We calculate our moves in a relationship but are very open in a friendship. We are like a child in friendships but behave like an adult in relationships.
If you remain inside your boundaries in a relationship and not try to change it into a close friendship, you will have longer relationships. Telling all does not help in relationships.
What say you? What do you think is the real difference between friendship and something more?
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- From: WhenAManLoves@xanga
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Comments (23)
I don't believe that keeping things from people is going to help longevity of a relationship. We all have shortcomings, and there's nothing so liberating as letting someone in to know yours. That is where true intimacy lies: to tell them your shortcomings,but for them to look past the problems. I think close friendships make the best kind of relationships, so long as you don't let them become stilted and stop talking as you advise.
I do not agree at all. My best relationships have always been when I completely bore my soul to someone rather than tried to hide part of me. I think you should be able to be brutally open and honest with someone or else the relationship will never last.
I disagree. Sometimes friendships with a guy has turned into more than that because I was myself and didn't have anything to hide. We liked each other more because we enjoyed each other's company without having to fake who we were.
That's why I think that starting a close friendship with a person of the opposite sex can cause problems if you're already in a serious relationship. One might start confiding in their friend more(because there are no repercussions) than their partner which can cause problems.
I don't agree with this post. If you base a relationship on only your best parts you are sure to be dissappointed. Most successful relationships I have seen have been based on a true friendship. I think this is also something you realize as you get older. You find out you need a partner in life. Someone who can pick you up when you are at your worst. Not someone who glimpses your worst and leaves. Romance doesn't last.
I'm going to jump on the nay-sayer band wagon here. I fully believe that men and women can be friends and have it be nothing more, but I think it has more to do with chemical attraction than with the depth of your friendship. I don't fall in love with someone because they're good looking or they're incredibly good at romancing me. I fall in love with someone because who they are, as a human, appeals to me. I can't fall in love with what I don't know, so if you hide all of your flaws and all your... humanness... it's doomed. My most successful relationships have been with men with whom I was very good friends with first. My least successful? Men whom I could not count among my friends before we started dating.
That's true in most cases, but not all.
I don't know, maybe I'm just a special example, but the majority of my relationships have started out as close friendships. The only difference between my friendships and my relationships is the level of intimacy--i.e. I'm more touchy-feely with my boyfriends than I am with my best friends.
I don't agree either. Maybe thats how you approach a relationship but I'm actually sincere about it.
I disagree as well. Honesty and open communication are one of the most important traits to have in a relationship.
I happen to be in the same boat as everyone else. Intimacy is one of the three components of love. My theoretical future-husband should be like a friend, sibling, parent, and boyfriend.
I think in order for any kind of relationship to work, friendship or something romantic, you have to be honest with each other.
Um...I disagree. My husband is my best friend. If you can't be open and real with each other, the relationship isn't going to go anywhere.
@Wait_by_Moonlight@xanga - Very much agreed.
@Earth_Lover_Extraordinaire@xanga - Yeah, I still have friends that are guys and there is no romantic feelings anywhere. Guys and girls can be friends, it's just very difficult.
You can't have a relationship if there wasn't a (strong) friendship beforehand. :)
But that's just me.
I'm completely the opositite...my S/O see's the real me, way more than any of my friends do...that's...the way it should be IMO.
as just about everyone else if not everyone has commented, I think relationships work better if you are friends with your significant other first. I mean, for me personally, I am not even willing to go beyond friendship if I am not friends with a guy first. I have to know a person before I am willing to date them. Besides, your spouse is suppose to be your best friend. They are suppose to be the person who loves you in spite of your faults so they won't know the real you if you don't disclose those parts of yourself. Also, your spouse (btw, I keep saying spouse because I see marriage as the end result of dating...) should be one who balances you out...the good in each of you should balance out the not so good in the other. Relationships are partnerships so the more you know, I say, the better... Besides, who better to spend the rest of your life with than someone who can accept those parts too?
i think i'm the only one who agrees with you. some things are better left unsaid. in fact, i don't reveal any intimate secrets to any of my female friends. whether or not people want to admit it, certain things will destroy the attraction and/or respect you get from others.
also, i love how so many girls like to say that they won't go out with a guy if they're not friends first. i've never known a girl (well, since high school, at least) who was friends with a guy for more than a month before they started going out.
i disagree. i'm open in relationships and friendships, because to have a successful relationship you need to also be friends.
If you think about it, and think like a guy then you would understand where the guy would come from. If he doesn't tell his mate about all of his problems then you might have a problem, but if you are always wondering what's bugging/eating him up then just jump in his shoes for a little bit and understand how and why he don't wanna tell them. He may tell his close friend whose a girl and that's only because they're not in the relationship together.
That's so backward. I tell EVERYTHING to my SO and usually put on a show for those who are just my friends. He knows my hopes, dreams, fears, desires, EVERYTHING, and it's awesome that way. I believe your SO should be the one person you CAN share EVERYTHING with.
Nothing. Real friends make out with each other
Yeeeah. I can see what you mean, I guess, but only for initial dating, not for long term. People try to impress the person, show their best side, etc. And yes, some things ARE better left unsaid, but that's true in friendships too, and often ends up being a bad move. I personally want to be in a relationship with someone I can be honest with and honestly myself. I don't want to put up some wall or mask the whole time because that defeats the purpose of closeness.
Unlike most people, I agree with you for the most part. "Most of us believe that when friendship becomes stronger, it may turn into relationship. The truth is different." Friendship is a form of platonic love. Although my interpretation of this post may be slightly different from its intentional message, I think I can relate to this post. I see my soul mate (or future husband or whatever) differently from a boyfriend. I wouldn't date a best friend (fear of losing them), but I would want to marry him. Also, I think the original term "soulmate" (from Plato) is about platonic love.
"If you remain inside your boundaries in a relationship and not try to change it into a close friendship, you will have longer relationships. Telling all does not help in relationships." Many people seemed to disagree with this, but I see how this would apply in a normal (as a high school student, I'll call it superficial) relationship. If your bf/gf doesn't know your bad sides, then you might stay together longer, but obviously, if you're planning to stay with that person forever, you're going to have to know each other. I think it's pretty inevitable to hide your bad sides forever. Answering your first question ("What is the difference between a close friendship and a close relation[ship]?") I think that they should be very similar (theoretically). Friendship is a form of a human relationship, and if you're "close" to someone, it should mean that they know a lot about you. How would you define a close relationship? From your post, it seems like a close (romantic) relationship is impossible. Answering your second question ("What do you think is the real difference between friendship and something more?"), I think it's sexual vs nonsexual.Â
You had some very interesting points to make, but I think specific examples and further development of your thoughts would have strengthened your claims, making it a bit easier to understand.
I share more with my bf than I have with most friends...he basically is my best friend as well as my bf. I think our relationship is stronger than a friendship would have been.