Tuesday, 09 November 2010
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6 Commmon Misunderstandings in Relationships
Men and women are very different, and yet you expect us to know what you want, how you feel, and why the sky is blue. More often than not, you ladies speak a sort of foreign language that we don't understand because we aren't programmed to understand your line of reasoning.
I decided to go around my home asking the ladies of the house and the staff what they find annoying about men and then I did the same with the men of the house. Here are the top complaints from both sexes:
LADIES
1) "Ugh, why do men always look so blank? If we go over to my parents, my boyfriend always has a blank look on his face. He never listens."
Truth is, ladies, we're probably studying our setting and have nothing to contribute. When you look at us and toss the, "What are you thinking?" question, the actual thoughts of "Your mom keeps twitching her left foot when she laughs," or "Your dad has spinach in his teeth," are things you don't want to hear. Sometimes, we like to keep our thoughts to ourselves, and are probably paying more attention to your conversation than you think. So the next time you talk about your boyfriend to your mom, thinking that he's not listening, look at his face. You'll see exactly what he's thinking.
2) "If Porto is playing, he just won't listen."
I've heard similar things about other men and watching their favorite sport. Ladies, most men like sports. I mean we absolutely adore them and will get into fights over them - well not with you, but with other men that dare say that our team, "sucks."
Since sports is something we feel so passionately about, how about asking your SO when his team is playing so you can both work around the game, instead of scheduling a shopping trip on that very day. I know that most women like to think, "us, us, us," but sometimes we guys deserve a little, "me, me, me," time. We go shopping for six or seven hours with you, how about giving us 90 minutes to watch the game or better yet, join us!3) "Men don't share feelings or care about their relationships."
Contrary to popular belief, we men do share feelings and care very much about our relationships. The problem is that we're very open about how we feel and most women don't like hearing what we have to say. You want to hear what you want to hear. And the reason we keep our feelings to ourselves is because we don't want a two week fight over who is right or wrong.
When you ask us a question like, "Hey, honey, why don't you ever share how you feel?", and we answer with "I hate it when you belittle me in front of your friends," or "I don't like being compared to your friend's boyfriends. I'm me," don't pick a fight with us because you don't like our answers. That is why we stay quiet. However, guys, if you are lucky to have a SO who actually listens instead of jumps down your throat, talk things out with her.What really gets us is the "Holier than thou" personality that some women have. If there's a problem in a relationship, it's because it takes two people to make a relationship work.
MEN
1) "She always compares me to her friend's husbands."
Even though we hate admitting it, guys, we're not perfect. There is always room for improvement. If your SO has a complaint, ask her how you can rectify it, but also add that you are you, and that you're trying. You can't be 100% like so-and-so, but listen to your SO. If she says, "Why can't you be sweet, like Mr. X?" then ask her what she considers to be sweet. The problem with us is that we think that getting the girl is the main thing, but the truth is the real work is keeping your SO.
2) "She's really insecure. If I'm talking to any woman, she gets jealous and starts with the third degree."
I'll admit that a little jealousy is okay, but if your SO goes of the deep end and starts checking your phone for texts or tails you to your work, you've got a problem. Sit down and talk with your SO and ask her why she's so insecure.
If she's insecure about whether you love her, and makes you say "I love you" every five minutes, tell her how you feel about that. I don't tell my wife every five seconds that I love her, but she knows it because I go out of my way to show her I do. I don't let insecurity even venture into her train of thought. So don't hold back. Holding back will get you nowhere.
3) "She keeps asking me questions that I just can't answer."
"Do these pants make my butt look big?"
"Why yes, honey, they do."
*Insert slaughtering of man here*
We don't like being backed into a corner with questions especially when you ladies accuse us of dishonesty. If you want to hear the truth, make sure you're asking the right question.
Guys, if you feel she's asking a question that you don't want to answer, tell her. Tell her that these questions will only result in fighting and it'd be better if she asks her girlfriends for this type of advice.
What are some communication misunderstandings you've gone through with your SO's?
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- From: Aaliyaan@xanga
- About Me: What should I say? Newly married, Cancer, Following Islam, and trying to live a normal life. Both me and my wife are fighting cancer. That basically sums it up. Oh yeah, and I'm an Israeli revert. There. Now I'm summed up.
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Comments (20)
The more emotion he deals with the closer he gets to total shut down. It takes me longer to process information of all kinds as well adding to delay of ultimately acepting reality.
Good advice.
Why do men not open up to us women as much, and why are women so open with men?
@recklessloveforeveryours@xanga - Women are taught to be more social animals. They are taught that it is ok to open up to people and share emotion and so on, which is something that simply isn't the case with men. Men are usually taught that showing emotion isn't a very manly thing to do, and therefore we simply don't do it.
When it comes to reading people also, women have been found (I don't remember exactly where I read this), to have the ability to take a lot more in with respects to facial and body cues to how someone is feeling and such like. Therefore, they are simply better in social situations than blokes.I do totally agree with the loaded questions though, its a right pain in the backside.
It's a good set of advice and both sides need to understand that you really have to look at it from both sides instead of just jumping to one conclusion. Much like a fight, you should really analyze both sides instead of assuming that you are always right.
@recklessloveforeveryours@xanga - Honestly, it really depends on the person in general. I like to be open with everyone because that is who I am. So it's not hard for me to open to a girl (in fact, I open up more easily to girls than guys).
@adamcieslicki@xanga - The last study I heard on the topic of genders understanding other people indicated that neither gender had a significant advantage.
Now, if you mentioned to women that women were better at understanding people prior to the test, then they did better. But that spoke to other things going on, not gender.
@EricBeck@xanga - I will without a doubt go looking for that paper then, cause I could have sworn that it was talking about some kind of a biological advantage. I may well be wrong, in which case I apologise for wasting your time.
In my opinion:
Men do open up but women only want to listen to what they want to hear. We do open up but when we do, it is also not taken seriously and not believed - our feelings are tossed aside like we are being insensitive (becase we really don't care) or girly (because we actually give a damn).
@adamcieslicki@xanga - The idea that women are better at that sort of thing has certainly been the common belief for some time. I think either assumed by scientists or vaguely supported before. So it's pretty understandable to have come from it.
I heard it discussed on a podcast from October, but I cannot remember which.
Actually, I think it was Skeptically Speaking episode #81 which was about gender.
Haha, because like, men and women are SO different! AmIright? Because men do it like *this*, but women do it like this! AmIright?
@mcmeister89@mancouch - For example, you say, "AmIright". I say, "Amirite?" We could never get along. Our gender differences are too much.
SAD FAIC. :[
Switch those around and that's every relationship I've ever had. I always have all the guy misunderstandings! Eep!
One of my friends asked me if a dress she was wearing made her butt look big. I said she looked fine. She adjusted her butt to make it look bigger. She asked, "How 'bout now?" Some questions ask for honesty, and girls don't like liars.
Datingish freaking slaughtered my post, ugh.
yea i agree with the following
Really good advice!
*Insert slaughtering of man here*
Classic!
I don't think I would ever get jealous of other women because I'll be checking them out too
Me: why don't you tell me how you feel?
him: because isn't once enough?
(he never actually said that but i'm sure thats what it will come to)
lol my husband likes big booties it's more do these pants make my ass look like a nasty pancake? Why yes dear, you better go fit that booty in something less squished. I want to be able to slip my hand in your back pocket...
and i'll hit him for being a perv... even if i like it.