Tuesday, 09 November 2010
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"Just Be Yourself." Uh, How Do I Do THAT?
I consider myself to be pretty lucky in the dating department-- my only truly devastating heartbreak, one that took months to get over, was years ago in high school.
My friends were very good to me during that grieving period. When they thought I was ready, they arranged for me to go out on a Valentine's date with a guy I barely knew, but whom they thought I would really like.
Needless to say, I was petrified. I hadn't had a first date in a long time, and I'd never gone out alone to dinner with someone I'd only met briefly.
So I told my friends how nervous I was. What was their advice? "Oh Kerry, you'll be alright. Just be yourself."
Yep, clearly this is why I give the advice around here.
OK, great. Be myself. But isn't that easier said than done?
I get the concept of "being yourself." You act completely natural, do whatever feels right, as you would in a place where you feel confident and comfortable. But I wasn't confident, and I definitely wasn't comfortable.
Being myself on a practically blind date was being over the top nervous and awkwardly quiet.
So maybe I was supposed to be someone else. Maybe I should have been a different version of myself... someone who was totally cool about spending Valentine's Day with a practically random dude so her friends would butt out of her love life.
Maybe I overreacted just then. I appreciated what my friends were trying to do for me, and I was ready to move on and meet new people. But it was their advice that bugged me...
I was only 17. How well does anyone really know themselves at that age? Asking a young person to be herself, especially one who has just had her heart broken, is actually a pretty tall order.
Ultimately, the date went decently. Once my nerves settled, it was easier to talk about common interests and things of that nature. Yet, in the back of my mind, I knew I was trying so hard to "be myself" that I was actually putting on an act for him. Needless to say, it didn't work out between us.
Have you ever had trouble just "being yourself?" What advice would you give someone about acting natural in an awkward situation?
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About the Author
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- From: KerrSull
- About Me: I'm a 24 year old serial monogamist who oddly thinks she knows everything while continuing to have tons of questions about that crazy little thing called love.
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Comments (11)
I don't know...how do you NOT be yourself? If you're nervous, you're nervous - that's not being someone else, or not being yourself, that's doing what comes naturally. Being yourself just means...being whoever it is that you are, and not putting on a front. I guess I don't understand how that could be anything other than your default.
I'm incredibly confident on dates, somehow I must "be myself" too much because boys only last for about a month with me... maybe I should try to be someone else :)
@radicalsounds@xanga - Hmmm. I agree with this.
I dunno...I just act like I normally do around people I don't want to take home and screw.
Well you were being yourself at the date. Being yourself is a very neutral thing because when people are themselves they are far from perfect. For all anyone knows, being yourself could mean you act like a total dick. And I do think it's possible to know yourself when you're young. At 17 you may not be the person you're going to be in 10 years...but that is 10 years from now..the present is what matters. And who you are in the present is who you are at that time. Doesn't mean you don't know yourself. Just that shit changes as time goes on. It does not make you any less "you".
But at the end of it all I don't see many people really being themselves. No one really gives a shit about who you really are most of the time. They want you to be someone they would like or someone they are comfortable with. And if you don't fit that mold people will say "you're not being yourself" or "you need to change". Fuck them. Even if your actual self is awkward and nervous...the person that likes/loves you for you will look past that. They might possibley think your shyness is cute and endearing instead of annoying and weird. If you change yourself for the person and while you're dating your "true" side comes out, they're going to be quite confused and shit will more then likely fall apart. Just my two cents.
I still don't truly know myself... however i just assume that if im nervous im suppose to be nervous... and something usuallyhappens to calm my nerves and i get better as the evening progresses.
My first thought was that Bob Dylan quote, and I was pleased to see it written on the foot in picture at the top of the post.
Ha, I always wondered this myself XD
@lilblucherrygrl@xanga - I needed to hear that so much. Thank you!
@sailorsakura9@xanga - Heh, well your welcome ^_^
I know the feeling. Be yourself and they all hate you. Dont be yourself and they damn you.
Better be someone they consider "you" than another.But I think teens are too young to consider who they are going to be