Monday, 08 November 2010
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Love vs. Attraction
Love and attraction are some of the most confused and misunderstood human emotions when it comes to relationships.
You may have experienced deep unexplained feelings for another at some point in your life, but things did not turn out as you had hoped. What happened? You may have also been convinced that you were “in love,” but only later faced the bitter end of betrayed emotions. What happened?
Attraction is not necessarily the most logical of human emotions. It is based mostly on having physical or “mechanical” settings that are conducive to generating mutual desire.Two people may find themselves in a relationship based on the mechanical chemistry of attraction. This type of relationship only lasts as long as there are no settings that would provide the promise and prospect of greater mechanical chemistry. Cheating often results from this type of chemistry, because attraction only holds a relationship together, if nothing “better” comes along.
Love is more than attraction by far! Its more of a desire to have someone as part of your life which is accompanied by the willingness to share future goals, caring (protective instincts) and the willful commitment of loyalty mutually shared.It stands to reason then that love would not seek to betray the emotions of a loved one, because that will make it something less than love. When dating, you have to know the difference between the two before you can make any reasonable progress in creating a meaningful relationship.
Love is a free choice. Attraction is a reaction which is not always logical and can control a person and make them unstable in a relationship, if they let it be their main criterion for starting a relationship.
What do you think?
This is a guest post from Self Help Essentials
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About the Author
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- From: aotolife@xanga
- About Me: I am passionate about defending the true meaning of love which is all to often blamed as leading to such state of emotional and interpersonal ruin. I believe it is a big error to blame love for betrayed emotions or unhappy relationships, there should be no gray area as to what real love consists of. That's why I have partnered with relationships author Tapiwa Chitembure - together we hope to bring awareness to the issues that give love a bad name. Occasionally I write about other life issues as well.
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Comments (11)
I agree on the premise that attraction is just a part of love, and that if one doesn't distinguish between the two, it can readily lead to a bad relationship.
I would like to agree against you (just to play devil's advocate), but it seems like you've defined attraction to be the more physical and less logical counterpart to love. Unfortunately, I can't argue against a definition because that would be like trying to argue that black is white.
I guess the key is that it's important to know which you have (love or attraction) and often we don't know, until it's too late.
"Love is a free choice. Attraction is a reaction which is not always
logical and can control a person and make them unstable in a
relationship, if they let it be their main criterion for starting a
relationship."
I agree with this, to some degree.
I just don't feel that love is always a choice. Attraction is never one.
There are at least two stages to 'love'. First is the attraction thing, which initially exists in all relationships, and apparently lasts no longer than two years. If you find deeper connections (values and beliefs etc) than just attraction, then you'll likely make it to the next stage: Companionship (or whatever you want to call it). As far as choice is concerned, without getting too scientific, I believe choice is an illusion, due to the inherent randomness of existence, and the reason why you continue into the companionship stage is due to those pre-existing deeper connections, not choice. It is as much a reaction to stimuli as the initial attraction stage.
i agree.
attraction is going to fade one day, beauty fades too. i think love does too when the passion is gone and you stop working but if you really love someone, that love will never fade.
Usually, a relationship gets started when both parties feel the attraction they have for each other is strong enough that they want to get to know each other more. But as time goes on, the relationship has to progress into love, otherwise it won't last. If it's based only on attraction, one person might leave when there is a tough time in the other person's life and not bother to be there for each other.
I dunno, sometimes love cannot be helped and it ceases to be a choice.
Isn't this all just common sense?
@starrycoma@xanga - It may be common sense for most people, but believe it or not, not everyone knows this stuff or is able to tell the difference between the two.
@WordsandThoughts@xanga - :)
I love the picture, it's great XD