Sunday, 07 November 2010
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"But I Don't WANT to Go Out Tonight..."
I haven't come across this problem before, but recently I've run into couples who seem to be having this dilemma.
One person in the relationship wants to go out and party more than their SO.
Whether it be a local bar or party or even just going out for a few drinks at a restaurant, they explain how the other person makes up excuses and always tries to convince the other to stay home.
What happens when one person in a relationship is a party starter and the other is a homebody?
I tell them that if the issue really bothers them, then why don't they talk to their SO about it and see if they could go out without their SO and with their friends instead?
However, I realize that this isn't a proper solution for the problem. A person can go out sometimes without their SO, but is it really healthy to go out EVERY time without your other half? Not so much.
Part of the fun of going out is being able to dance or drink with the person you care about, anyway. Right? Or is that just me?
What about the other side of the problem?
These halves of the couple explain how they don't want to drink or go out all the time, and find nothing wrong with staying in and snuggling while watching a movie. However, staying in every night can cause a routine to start in the relationship, which isn't good either.
Most of time, couples seem to have the same priorities when it comes to staying in or going out. Sometimes, though, a change, like a new job, etc. can cause one person in the relationship to want to stay in more or go out more.
The key here is to learn to adapt to change, and most importantly COMPROMISE. Relationships thrive on the fact that you do things FOR each other.
So, if your babe wants to celebrate one night, go out for a little with them, even if you aren't up for it. Likewise, if the situation is reversed and you really feel like going out, but your honey wants to stay in, then opt for a movie and cuddling once in a while.
The point is that the BOTH of you have to work with each other and sometimes do things the other one wants to do. Besides, if you're together, does it really matter WHAT you're doing?
Does anyone else have a SO who is a party person or a homebody?
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- From: Manny
- Name: Manny
- About Me: I'm just your average 21 year old college girl who overly analyzes love, relationships, and sex.
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Comments (17)
just got out of a relationship like this.
seemed like i was always the one comprimising and staying in.My boyfriend and I are both rather mixed about going out and staying in. We never had any arguments about either one. Sometimes we'd stay in until like 1 in the morning and then drive down to the beach just to walk around and talk. Neither of us like partying or drinking so we went to a few parties, but we often would just go do our own thing. We're in different states now for school and we're both pretty much still the same. I definitely could never keep up with a SO who liked to go out a lot because that's not how I am at all. Going out is one thing, but I could never deal with going to parties all the time.
I went through a HUGE phase in the past, did some things that are still affecting me because of CRAZY parties. Now, going out and partying/clubs/house parties don't at all appeal to me...going to a nice restaurant with friends or dinner parties sound more appealing, maybe its my maturing age or not wanting to be that type of guy again.
my ex was and it drove me crazy. i'd be out and he'd be calling me to come home.
My boy and I are pretty evenly matched in this way, at least since we've been together. During our college years, I was the one who went out way more. Nowadays, we both are homebodies at heart, but love to get out and see people often enough as well.
My boyfriend and I used to go out together all the time. Now I'm way to stressed out and exhausted from school and my family issues to go out anymore. I try to make an effort to force myself out as much as possible but I find myself telling him to go out without me pretty often these days. It's so sad.
Blah.
just go to the liquor store and buy a bottle of wine :)
My bf and I don't party. We're homebody kind of people.
My boyfriend loves to go out, i'm more of a homebody... but it could be that im 37 eeks pregnant and getting use to the "at home life".
I wouldn't be able to handle a homebody. I like to be out of the house as much as possible.
i don't think the phrase "i don't want to go out tonight" exists in my vocabulary. i won't be young forever.
go out and get hammered, dance to good music, then come back and get some...how could this NOT appeal to anyone?
I love going out and doing mundane things with him like shopping. I'm not a partier but I'm not a stay-at-home girl either :P Sucks that he's so exhausted though, we rarely go out anymore.
I'm the homeboy type. Then again, I am a gamer....
Hm, is this a case in which the fire dies down? Anytime I hear situations like this, it's generally because the fire is dying down (not an out-of-love thing). I agree, compromising is going to solve this. if either side won't move, a fight will build and erupt.
Frankly, I see partying as just another hobby. Some like it, some don't. And like other hobbies, your SO doesn't HAVE to be involved in it. I respectfully disagree with the TC in this aspect.
My gf (of a year today) and I like doing both. However, there are times when one person wants to stay in and the other wants to go out. This doesn't stop either from happening. I've gone out several times without her around and so has she. In fact, even if we're at the same party, we're such social creatures that we usually end up talking to other people for 90% of the time. We're at a party full of people, some/most of whom we don't know, why would we stay in a corner and be "the couple" the whole time?
Now, I realize there's some awkward stigma that goes with this sort of activity, usually stemming from some paranoia about cheating and such. It's true, my gf and I get hit on if we aren't with each other at parties the whole time. My gf gets drink offers, I get told I'm cute and asked if I want to dance. It's bound to happen if you're around a bunch of other drunk 18-20somethings and you don't have a person already attached to you. But the thing is, it's not a big deal. Sure, someone else hit on your SO, take it as a compliment (unless it blatantly persists) and trust that your SO has the control to say "Thank, but no thanks."
when we first met, we were both in that college party-as-much-as-possible phase. but now he wants to go out more than i do. if he wants to go out i'll go with him and just not drink. and if i want to stay home because we went out last night, then he doesn't mind hanging out and watching a movie. we've found a nice balance.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - i totally agree!
Well my situation kind of relates to this but my bf is 24 and I'm 20, so I can't really go out to bars with him but I usually tell him to go out and do his thing and I'll go out with my friends and do my own thing. I don't mind him going out with his friends. We've only been together 4 months and don't want him to think that I'm trying to control him or anything because if I was 21 I would most likely go out with him to the bars, but unfortunately I can't. Sometimes he'll just stay home with me to have a movie night and cuddle. He is really considerate of me and likes to spend time with me