Is it just me, or are all guys now complete jackasses?
I'm not a really needy person when it comes to an SO; I just ask for a few simple things:
1) Affection (Not too much; just the right amount) - I don't like when guys are all over me or act like they don't even care, like we aren't even dating. Like:
- When we're texting, writing "baby, babe, sweetie, I love you, I miss you" & etc. would be nice.
- Small kisses, forehead kisses, cuddling.
2) I want to see you more than 2 or 3 times a week! - I want to spend time with you! I don't care if we stay in or go out. An occasional date to a restaurant or movies or even ice cream would be nice, it doesn't have to be anywhere fancy but not McDonalds! Actually, I'd rather hit Red Box and cuddle up on the couch/in bed and just be in your arms most of the time.
3) DON'T HIT ON MY FRIENDS (Especially when I'm around!!) - Don't sit next to me and text my friend who's also in the same room trying to hook up with her or whatever. (Yes I've had that happen!)
4) Don't lie or cheat - To me, honesty and trust go hand in hand with love/relationships. If you're going to cheat, don't make a commitment and even be in a relationship! Why is that such a hard concept to grasp?
5) Communication - Don't avoid me when I say I want to talk. And just because I'm not going to over a text, doesn't mean I'm gonna break up with you or anything even close. I just prefer to do things face to face, but I will sometimes settle for over the phone/skype.
6) Don't be all over me! - This is similar to #1. Yes I like to get under the sheets and I can sometimes be a nympho, LOL. But when we're cuddling watching a movie, a simple peck or even an occasional VERY SHORT makeout session is okay; just don't be slobbering all over me and constantly trying to stick your hand in my pants. I do want to just be with you from time to time! If you can't do that, then go somewhere else, you horndog!
Six very simple things: that's all I ask for. Of course I've got a few other things that I'd want from time to time, but these six are the MUST HAVES. I could live without the others. And until recently, I never even thought about all these things. It's just being screwed over so often recently, and dealing with so many jerk-offs, I've had experiences with men lacking EVERY single one of these things.
Why is it so hard, men? What would you add to this list, ladies? Do you think that decent men are dying along with civility?
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Comments (77)
Yes, it may seem simple to you, and it would be simple for us to do-- if we could read minds.
Well, the problem is "getting the right amount" of affection, desire to see you and being all over you. We can't read minds (to be honest, we're pretty dumb at times too) and we also have our own innate levels, so it's virtually impossible for us to figure out unless you tell us.
I must comment that you list 6 things and except for 3 & 4, the others don't really seem to make a guy a jerk if he doesn't get it right. On the note of civility and jerks, a lot of nice guys look around and it's the players and jerks who get the action, so who wants to be nice? Yes, I know that girls are really looking for a "good man" (affectionate, thoughtful, but confident and assertive), but guys who don't know this will just assume girls want jerks. Guess what they become?
Personally I think women just complain to much. You all want this but thats today and tomorrow youll be mad if we give it to you so as an in general we all said hell with it and stopped caring a long time ago.
Civility and even Chilvery arent dead at all........ The fact that they are in need of major recessitation is because if men try to do such things its viewed as corny or just a desperate attempt to get down your pants so we stopped. Fact is we can be cool, but its really hard when you are all set on the notion that once you knew a jerk so we must all be like that one.
I know right? If he's going to be messing with other women, just drop the relationship. It makes things so much easier. Everything the girlfriend put into the relationship- feelings and all- would be invalid in the first place.
i 100% agree with this list! it doesnt seem so hard, but for guys i guess it is :-/
Whilst I agree with some of your points I also think the most important thing in a boyfriend is that he allows you to be himself. If you're in love you should trust each other enough to let each other do their own thing without assuming the worst. No control freaks!! I know it takes a lot of work to get to that stage sometimes though. I just can't stand men that get jealous of me talking to my friends. It has happened.
simple.
2 or 3 times a week is enough!
6 seems good in theory, but really is so vague. When do you want it? When do you not want it? Should we only wait until you initiate? Or should we just *know* when the time is right and be a man and initiate it then? Because sometimes movie cuddlage is a great leadup into fantastic sex. Or other times it's great for heart to hearts, or great to just spend time with your beau. It seems like you are expecting us to realize the difference innately, which is slightly ridiculous.
:x
Here's a man's take:
1) This is a point of confusion for a lot of men. How do we know what the right amount of affection is? Not all men are as affectionate as you, but it doesn't mean we don't care; we just don't feel the need to show it as much as you do. In addition, the perfect amount of affection a woman wants to be given will depend on the woman.
2) Again, men may not feel the need to show their affection by asking to see you more than 2-3 times a week. In addition, he may just feel (or be) too busy to see you more than that, so why would you hold that against him? Just ask him about when he's free and ask as you can see him. Take some initiative. Not to mention that, especially near the beginning of a relationship, 2-3 times a week seems just about right to me. I'm seeing this girl that I see 1-2 times a week, and I haven't even seen her in 2-3 weeks because of our schedules. So this point seems a bit demanding in a lot of cases.
3) Well, this should be fairly obvious. If it happened to you, he obviously didn't care much for you.
4) People lie all the time (including women) just to make things easier for themselves. Every time someone lies to you, you should ask yourself if you did anything to cause them to lie. Keep in mind that I'm not saying that lying should be done, but sometimes women (and men) makes their SO's lives so tough that lying seems like the only option. Secondly, I understand that cheating is painful, but people makes mistakes. I think it makes sense to look at the circumstances it happened under (and to those of you that are judging, no I have never cheated, I just feel this way about it without any personal stake in the view).
5) You can't blame them for being scared; we've been told from a young age (and seen many times) that if a girl says, "We need to talk," that it's nothing good. Maybe give him a little preview of what's coming first before saying he shouldn't freak out about this.
6) I mean, can you understand why he'd want to do this though? Guys enjoy sex (as do women) and want a lot of it. Just tell him you don't want to tonight when he tries, but you don't have to get pissed at him for trying.
I also doubt this is all you want. There are plenty of guys that can give you all this that I'm sure you haven't even given a chance for other reasons. The guys with the confidence are more likely to be assholes, and those are the guys that you're going to notice. I'm not saying it's all your fault for not noticing these guys, but just pointing out that the shyer and quieter guys are usually more likely to have these qualities you're looking for. You know, the guys you've never even given a second look.
It's just you.
@Liquid_Pain_523@xanga - You'd be surprised how hard 3, 4 and 5 can be for some men. Lol.
everyone's always talking about what they want in other people. how come nobody is ever willing to talk about what they have to offer? you can't just demand shit from people without having convincing reasons as to why you deserve it.
@darkersideofm3@xanga - 3 especially probably isn't that tough for anyone. It's just that they aren't that into the girl. If he was into her, he at least wouldn't do it right in front of her. I agree 4 and 5 can be tough, and I alluded to that in my comment.
I agree with you for the most part. Except for #3 and #6, but I'll explain that in a minute. If you want your boyfriend to behave differently you have to tell him EXACTLY what you like and don't like. It may be simple to you, but everyone has different wants, needs, and ways of expressing themselves. Be honest and upfront and save both of you some trouble.
#3 I've never had a guy hit on my friends...at least not that I'm aware of. That's just... wow. I'd think he'd display some pig-like traits before this one that would be a warning sign and I'd leave him before it got that far. Sorry that happened to you though.
#6 I def enjoy sex more than the average person, so I know not everyone feels this way, but sex isn't always about you. You're supposed to want to please your partner just as much as he is supposed to want to please you. I understand you may not always want sex. Okay, that's a lie. But I'm trying to. But instead of being turned off and thinking of your boyfriend as a horndog who needs to get away from you, try responding to his sexual advances positively and accepting his affection. If your boyfriend is trying to stick his hand down your pants that just may be him expressing affection for you, which you've stated you want him to show you. After all, being intimate with someone is the easiest and best way to physically show your love and affection for another person.
3 and 4 are a given. No guy should ever, ever do something like that. No girl should either, in fact.
The Communication one isn't something that particularly means a lot to me. I don't enjoy discussing things all the time. I don't understand people who want to sit down and discuss their feelings, or where things are going in their relationships. I prefer to play it day-by-day. But maybe that's just me. :)
The ones I really agree with are the first and last. Ive had guys all over me, and I'm just like 'leave me alone', I mean come on! Nobody wants to be moddicoddled, or smooched on all night. It just isolates you from all your friends, and such.
But I do agree with the people who've previously commented, saying that men aren't mind-readers. I truly believe it's easier to just tell them what we want. It's quicker, and you get what you want faster. Therefore skipping the arguments and disappointment if you don't get what you're looking for.
I have everything but number 3!
although i asked him to stop so...hopefully...
nice post!
Love this list!!! Seriously -- it couldn't be any more accurate.
@PeriwinkleAdonis@xanga - You beat me to it. :P
you know what i want? a girl that isn't shallow and dates only jerks. give me that then we'll talk terms
Wait, you want to see your boyfriend MORE than 2-3 times a week!? Why?! I mean, unless you move in together or are in a LDR and have some time together. But I'd think that any more than 3 times a week would be excessive.
I love to watch a movie with my guy fingering my whoo ha...I think soupy 'I miss you" texts are lame, unless we are apart for some significant time or reason. Two or three times a week works for me. I think telling someone "we need to talk" and not telling them why is a form of manipulation/abuse/power play. If there is an issue, bring it up NOW, or shut up until we two are together, but don't hold someone mental hostage wondering what they did now...If I have to spend any significant portion of a relationship talking about it rather than having it, it's way past time to move on.
That's me, your experiences clearly differ
While I agree with this list, I don't agree that men like this don't exist. They're out there, trust me. And I think there are a lot of girls that complain when they don't have all of these things but aren't necessarily the greatest girlfriends either.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Very much agreed
Sometimes girls do not communicate enough, or in the right way. I have been guilty of this way too many times.
After hanging out with guys a lot I have noticed that you have to be very direct. You have to say everything that you want in the way that you want it for a lot of things.
If a guy does try to hook up with another girl right in front of you, obviously he is not worth another second of your time.
All in all girls need to be very direct with guys. Even then they will sometimes mess up but come on, they are only human! People will do things you do not like sometimes, that's life.
Is it just me, or is it girls like you that really don't get it? Not all guys are the same, so what is it your business to generalize all the males into the one group of being a jackass? Just because you had a few bad experience, doesn't mean every single guy is a bad experience. And besides, girls can be the same exact way as you point on the list.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Nicely put. Thank you.