Saturday, 06 November 2010
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Dating Minors is Tricky Business
Yes, you read correctly. I'm not suggesting that dating a miner is any less alarming, but it definitely wasn't a typographical error.Have you ever witnessed a scruffy, long-haired, 30-something-year-old man in an ironic Hot Topic t-shirt, holding hands with what is seemingly his teenage daughter? I have, and his shirt read "I suffer from premature infatuation". Right away, warning signs were plaguing my field of vision, and even looking up towards the sky resulted in seeing cloud formations in the shape of Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC. After strategically evading the warning signs with agility and denial, I turned a corner, only to see the two of them awkwardly locking lips.
The "ill" in "illegal" surfaced faster than a political sex scandal, as I weighed a possible course of action against my apathy. Eventually, I snapped out of this 10-second lull, and recalled that there was absolutely no law that prohibited an adult from dating a minor or from kissing one if it's outside the realm of sexual harassment and sexual conduct. After this realization, I sat on some steps nearby on the sidewalk, and lamented never having created a time-machine to go back to 1994, specifically to make out with a 12-year-old Natalie Portman as seen in The Professional. I jest, of course.
When I was 17 and a little bit into my 18th year, I dated a 14-year-old girl who appeared to be of age, and had the maturity to fake it. Not only that, but she was just as tall as I was and had already been through life experiences which most go through in their early 20's. I didn't think much of it at the time, most likely because she looked to be around my age and was ridiculously hot, but I can't help wondering how a much older man must feel walking around with his teenage girlfriend and putting on a public display of affection.
Before we head into dangerous territory here, we will define the word "pedophile."
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Social Services, a "Pedophile" is:
- An adult whose primary sexual interest is in children; some professionals make a differentiation between a pedophile, whose sexual partner of choice is a prepubertal child, and a hebephile, who is aroused by adolescents.
I understand that the term "pedophile" is thrown around without caution, which in turn has created a hive-mind mentality where sucking on a 2-day-old lollipop will result in an instant crucifixion supported by thousands. I also don't condone younger girls dating guys in their thirties or vice versa; not so much because of the age difference, but because it can psychologically damage them and usually the older partner has a tendency to be controlling.
In other words, it's not directly because of the age difference, but rather a product of it. I feel like this is an important point that many people miss out on because they're busy sensationalizing the difference in age, and how it will come across to society.Kissing does not fall under sexual conduct as long as it's just that; kissing. As soon as your hands start to wander like you've been blinded by brilliant, God-like boobs, and are learning to read in Braille as a result, prepare to abandon your reading lessons and make acquaintances with a pair of handcuffs instead. Everyone places a different importance on kissing, so it's a really touchy subject here. The law protects kissing and dating a minor, but do you morally approve?
Do you believe a law similar to the age of consent on sex should be in place to keep minors away emotionally, from much older partners? I know many people argue that age is simply a number, and maturity is what truly matters. To put it another way, other-worldly kids in their early teens with enough brain power to run three American cities and an iPod Touch are perfectly fit to date the school janitor. Is age really just a number that should not be equated with maturity? Are you guilty of having misused "pedophile" in a sentence?
Watch The Professional for a good take on a mature, young girl's relationship with an older man. It's an excellent movie, in any case.Sincerely,
Nuñez Love DoctorCertified with a PhD in The Science of Natalie Portman and Suggestive Lollipop Sucking.
Have you ever dated a minor? Have you been the minor?
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About the Author
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- From: AsylumBlue
- About Me: The musician in me is constantly dueling with my inner writer, trying to take its place. What I'm attempting to do is allow them to live harmoniously, but it seems that I'm a terrible peacemaker, because they haven't stopped bickering or flinging spit-balls at one another. I write political satire, short stories, poems and... actually, I can pretty much write about anything; I'm flexible (not physically, unfortunately). If I had to choose, it would be writing softcore romance novels full of seduction, extramarital affairs and incredibly specific details. I'm kidding about that last part, I think.
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Comments (94)
Unfortunately older men like to do more than kissing and holding hands..and that's where the problem lays. It's better not risk it after all minors are minors for a reason. Most minors don't have that kind of maturity to deal with sex etc; so that's why there is a law protecting them.
I've never had a relationship with someone more than two years my senior, but hell, I won't be of age for another couple of years and I have better casual dates/conversations with men than I do with boys. I've got a clean slate of mental health, but I'm "precocious" and always have been. Shoot me.
I'm eighteen, no longer a minor, but I can't imagine dating anyone more than two or three years older than me... my older brother is 21, and for some reason I can't wrap my head around dating someone older than he is.
I think we as a culture shy away from couples with too large of an age difference. For some people, yes, age is just a number. For me, though, it isn't. It's much easier to find someone who has a lot in common with you when you're around the same age. You go through these experiences together -- going through college, getting an apartment, etc -- and you grow together as people (I'm talking along the lines of a long-term relationship, but I'd imagine it would be much easier to connect with someone going through the same experiences as you as far as dating goes).
I think when someone's younger, it's a much bigger deal. There's a huge difference between a 15 year old dating a 10 year old and a 30 year old dating a 25 year old.
*shrugs* It all depends on the person. Some young people are mature enough to date older guys and some are not.
Personally, I date older men. I am seventeen (I will be eighteen in two months) and my current boyfriend is twenty-five. My last boyfriend, who I dated for seven months, was twenty-four. *shrugs*
I think older men in their late 20's, early 30's dating minors as young as 13 is so wrong. Don't get me wrong, I'm generalising, but they're usually dating them.. for the wrong reasons. Maybe they think the minor will become blind to the reality and let them do whatever they want, as people their age, are more mature and understand the situation and their intentions more.
But the minor is too blame as well, I'm not pinning this ALL on the adult.
They make the choice, the stupid choice, to date someone that old. I know alot of minors do fantsize about being with someone older, but I don't think most of them understand the situation.
I think 4 to 5 years is about the maximum older age they should date.
That's just how I see it..
Currently, I'm 16. My last boyfriend was 4 years older. I don't see the big deal in it, really. Now, if he was, let's say, seven or eight years older, I'd be a bit creeped out that he had an intrest in me. Technically, yes, we did some "illegal" things, but I don't think it's the scandal that people make it out to be.
you were probably sweating it trying to justify dating a minor.
@Hinase@xanga - I back this comment.
@TayCif@xanga - That's not a huge age difference though.
In France it isn't unsual to see older men with younger girls. I don't find it too unusal myself. But most older men just want the sexual aspect to things more than anything else. I mean a 30 year old girl and 14-16 year old girlfriend. Like they'd have anything in common or anything to talk about...HONESTLY.
It's all sexual whether we want to look at it or not.
The idea of age gaps with minors in the US is generally alarming to us.
I think once they are both over 20 its really no big deal. But how does someone whos in their 20's or older have an interest in someone that young, a child or teenager? I mean, the 17, 14 isn't a big deal but 20 and 14 would be. People under 15 16 17 are too immature. I mean, I am 16 and can't see myself dating someone who's over 18. My parents would never allow it anyway, but still. The thought grosses me out because why would they be attracted in someone this awkward stage of life, and immaturity level, even though I definitely am mature for my age.
yes some minors have the emotional maturity of an adult, but most don't. i don't think a 15 year old will have anything in common with a 21 year old, one is in college and one in in high school one probably has to work and the other doesn. despite the fact most mid adolescents look mature, and are sometimes quite knowledgeable, most aren't emotionally ready for a relationship, especially with an adult. they're irrational, partake in risky behaviors more readily, easier to get taken advantage of. etc. their emotions and impulses resemble more like a child than an adult. i really think a kid who score hih on sats doesn't necessarily have the emotional hardiness of an adult janitor. two different things
i have been the minor. i dated a 20 year old when i was 16. personally i took the relationship more serious than it ever was, i really thought i was "mature" enough. it really f'd me up for a while.
"As soon as your hands start to wander like you've been blinded by brilliant, God-like boobs, and are learning to read in Braille as a result, prepare to abandon your reading lessons and make acquaintances with a pair of handcuffs instead." Pure brilliance. (:
And agreed. Kissing, yes. Groping, no.
Younger girls are fine and all, but when it comes down to it (figuratively and literally), I can't do it (figuratively and literally).
this 20 year old tried to date me, and I'm 17. I told him about the age difference and also tried to scare him off by having a different personality that I usually do, but then he kept putting off the age issue. I'm just like... uh, do you know what you're doing?
Isn't grooming a minor for sex illegal though? Even if you're not having sex with 'em. I'd say dating a minor would constitute grooming, but hey, that's me. Especially if you're kissing n' cuddling them. Having said that, are you certain the girl in your scenario was a minor? She may just appear young.
in my experiences, older men like to wine and dine or pamper their lovers, while younger men are hit it and quit it types or don't bother to chase or play the "game." I've liked older men and some have liked me, but they were usually married or denied their status, which I found out later, so nothing amounted out of that. when I was a teen, I often liked the slightly older guys, probably due to the taboo factor, and they seemed more charismatic than guys my age.
when i was 16 i started dating my boyfriend who is 5 years older than me. some people had a problem but most didnt care.
my sister started dating her husband when she was 16 and he was 38 (22 years older) and alot of people had a problem with that. but they've been together for 3 years now married and have a kid.
there is a big differece between dating a 16 year old vs a 12 year old.
My friend's elementary school friend is now 17. She's dating someone who's double her age. Yes, 34.
Don't know what to say about it, I was pretty grossed out, my friend said she's really happy and he treats her like a princess, so yeahI'm a minor, but I am beyond the age of consent here where I live.
However, I would date a person who is a maximum of 4 years older than I am, my last boyfriend was 2 years older than I am. I wouldn't date anyone younger than me though, boys seem to take so long to mature.Eww. I'm sorry but the entire idea is realy just disgusting. As a young lady I dated my classmates and never looked at a grown man like that. Eww. As an "adult" (19 now 18 when we started) I still had an uneasyness about dating a 22 year old. Just four years older. No. Never. How could anyone? It's just gross.
i'd date a miner
Like others have said, it depends on the people involved. Some minors are capable of dating what we consider to be legal adults, and some aren't. I would date a minor, but that would probably only happen if we started dating before I found out his age. I wouldn't dump him because of it, but I probably would be hesitant to date him if I knew.
I once kissed a 17 year old and I was 21. In my defense he was like a foot taller than me and really hot. I also didn't know he was only 17.
I blame the growth hormones in our dairy products.
@Devil_Dalliance@xanga - My thoughts exactly...
as long as they are both of legal age, it is of no concern of mine.
@Hinase@xanga - It's definitely risky because sexual desires may get in the way, but legally, they can do anything non-sexual such as kissing as I'm sure you read. I agree.
@beckieintoyland@xanga - Absolutely nothing wrong with talking to older men, and the age of consent laws vary, so if you honestly wanted to do something and had the means, you could always go on a "vacation". I'm a terrible influence, aren't I?
@thepsychoticraccoon@xanga - Really good post, and you make good points. I personally don't have a huge issue with age difference when both people in the relationship are of age. Then again, my parents are eight years apart and my mom got married at 16.
@FreeYourFears@xanga - I personally don't see a huge deal with that since you're almost 18. What are the age of consent laws where you live?
@JessWantsThinspo@xanga - I feel like the older partner usually desires control and wants to feel like they can still get with younger boys/girls.
@TayCif@xanga - Sex is really taboo here, so it'll always be a big deal whether we like it or not. Religious institutions also propagate this fear of sex.
@silentcrisis24@xanga - You got me.
@decodexmexkc@xanga - I'm not condoning this in any way, but I figure the reason behind it can be as simple as having a major attraction towards young boys or girls. Just like a gay man or woman desires someone of the same sex, some people desire someone at a young age.
@katethoughts@xanga - I agree with your general sentiments, but I'm saddened by the fact that the smart student and janitor will never be.
@phannastical@xanga - I'm glad someone thought so, haha <3
@ChaoyD@xanga - Haha, this made me chuckle.
@xx_ng_xx@xanga - To be fair, he's not that much older. :p
@Spectrophile@xanga - Oh, she was definitely a minor, haha. No question about it.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Yeah, this seems to be what generally happens with girls in their teens. They prefer the older guys because women mature faster, and the guys around their age are typically very immature.
@mfjane19@xanga - Definitely. The difference in age will always shock people; that you can be sure of. It's nice to hear that they're doing so well together.
@xraindropsonroses@xanga - Believe me, they do. I was a pretty good example of that a few years back.
@Devil_Dalliance@xanga - Hence, the topic. I'm glad to have your point of view, though. It's in the minority right now to my surprise, but again, everyone feels differently about this topic.
@Ethonox@xanga - I dunno, man... I hear they're cheating bastards.
@shinoseishi@xanga - This is an interesting post, and it may actually be a key reason as to why people lie about their age.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas@xanga - Well, he was really hot. That's all you had to say.