Friday, 05 November 2010
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Help! I'm Scared to Have a Boyfriend...
I'm 14 years old and I and am scared to have a boyfriend.
I know that I might sound a little young, but I have had some in the past. I liked to read books about mysteries and boyfriends and stuff but every time I get really close to a guy and start liking him, I throw him out of my life like a piece of paper.
I really hate it because I really want to feel special to a guy and I know that guys like me... I'm just to scared to be with one because of all the stories I have heard about rape and sex. I don't want to have sex. Definitely not at this age.
Please give me some advice! Am I right to be afraid?
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- From: ScaredtohaveaBF
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Comments (57)
You're young. Don't even worry about having one. If you're not ready to start dating, then don't dwell on it too much. Things come with age, and you're doing well to be this young and not jump right into things.
You are right to feel however you wish. I was always scared of the same thing, and didn't let anyone into my life. There is too much in my past that I thought no one would accept but I know now that I am ready for a relationship. It takes time to adapt to being someone's concern, and you are not wrong in the slightest for feeling the way you do. It is normal.
Just wait until you're ready. =)
Be patient. You're only 14...you have your whole life ahead of you for dating and all that stuff.
If you're afraid, I would say that you probably aren't ready and this is your way of helping you realize that. Be patient. You don't need to be in such a rush. Guys will still be on the earth as you get older.
let urself be ready for it. dont rush into things
When you think you want to date someone, feel him out first as far as what he thinks about sex. If he, too, thinks he's not ready for it, and you think he wouldn't push, then you'll be okay. I had my first boyfriend when I was 15, made clear to him I didn't want to have sex, and he respected that wish all four years we dated. There are good guys out there, but you are right to be on your guard.
You're still young so it's normal to not date. I didn't have my first real boyfriend until I was 20! We're still together and I'm 22 now. Just like you, I never wanted sex but I just made it known from the beginning that I was not interested in it and wanted to wait for marriage. I wouldn't even consider dating any guy who doesn't feel the same way about sex or there's more risk of being pressured. I found myself a man who also wants us to wait until marriage and respects my wishes. I understand not everyone wants to wait for marriage and that is normal. However, make sure you're ready for sex when you decide to have it, and are mature enough to understand and appreciate the experience. Be willing to accept any consequences, and keep yourself safe . You're still very, very young and have a lot of learning to do and life experiences to have before getting serious.
You can find a good man too who is willing to respect your wishes to abstain, so don't be afraid of having a boyfriend. Just stand up for yourself and don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't want to. When you're ready, you'll know. If you have any hesitations about it, you're not ready for it. Any guy who tries to pressure you or doesn't respect this is NOT a keeper and you're better off without him. :)
You are only 14 sweetie, you have plenty of time. Focus on other things like school and your friends. Don't rush! There is no absolute need for you to have a boyfriend at this time of your life. Enjoy focusing on yourself, it doesn't last long, haha.
@midge4ever@xanga - I agree.
if you don't want one, don't get one. girl, i promise you don't need one and you've got lots of time.
i remember when i was that age and having one was a big deal, but i promise it isn't.
as for the sex and rape, just stand up for yourself. don't let some guy try to make you do anything you don't want to and don't convince yourself that you are okay with the idea if you don't feel comfortable.
being in a relationship doesn't mean sex is going to be involved. it doesn't if you don't want it to, and if your partner is understanding and caring enough to accept it. it's okay to be afraid, just take your time in getting to know the person first and make sure they're in the same boat as you in terms of what you want out of the relationship.
That you feel scared of having a boyfriend sounds kind of worrisome. It's perhaps something to speak to parents or another adult about.
My suggestion is to just not worry about it too much and focus on all the other things going on in your life such as school and making friends and so on.
Certainly there is reason to have some degree of caution over the possibility of rape. Watch for warning signs, try to be careful about risky situations. I'm sure there are places to find advice about how to do that, though I don't know them offhand.
But at your age it would generally be too young to mess with it. Boyfriend or not, if you're not interested in it, just don't do it. If there is pressure to do so, boyfriend or otherwise, stand up for yourself and say you're not interested yet. Learning to stand up for yourself is a valuable talent and the earlier you can learn it the better.
I agree with a lot of people here. You're young and it's natural to feel this fear as it means you aren't ready.. I think you shouldn't rush it as you have so much ahead of you. I'd focus on yourself really.
You're 14. Relax. If you're not ready, it's no big deal. Just wait until you are. I didn't even thinking of having sex when I was 14, and I didn't start dating until I was about 15. However, don't use my age as a means to measure your life. Everybody is different and ready for newer levels at different times. You're barely out of middle school or are just about to go into high school, I wouldn't worry about it so much at your age.
Your young, only 14 ... you got a lot more to worry about than guys and it's whats gonna make you happy.
But if you feel like you want a relationship, and he should feel the same, he wouldn't want the sex if hes so serious about you :)
yes wait until you're ready. wait until you're not scared.
You sound like you know what you want. Just stick to that and don't let the relationship control you. So long as you abide by your own rules and do what makes you happy, it'll be okay!
I have a 14 year old son. The boys are just as scared as you are. That's the way it has always been. Take....your....time. You should be in no hurry to "grow up". And don't worry about those girls in your class who have a different boyfriend every week. They are not "mature". They are not "grown up". They are not socially above you. They are not better than you.
You don't have to have a boyfriend if you don't feel like you're ready for one. You CAN hang out with boys and be friends with them. You CAN go out with a bunch of your male and female friends and laugh and have a good time. When you're out with a group of good friends it's really easy to BE YOURSELF.
And that's the key....when you figure out who you are, when you discover what a lovely, bright girl you are....then you'll be ready for a boyfriend....
after I took the health class during summer school right before my freshman year of high school and the teacher talked about the cauliflower STD, I was afraid of having sex, so your worries are normal. guys liked me but sex wasn't the first thing on my naive mind at the time and I didn't want a boyfriend either. I was worrying more about navigating my way around school and if I could stay on track with my classes. then I heard some of my friends getting with guys and breaking up quickly, so I thought these high school relationships were a waste of time and they were playing around. I know for some it works out longer, but I didn't care for that stuff. have a bf when you're ready.
Hey!
I'm 19, and have a boyfriend for almost 2 years, and I'm still scared of love!
It's okay, if you are hesitant, follow that gut feeling! Keep your friends close, but for now just take the time to enjoy your single-ness!
Later on when you're ready it will feel much better and super right because you waited. ^^
you're soo young this is def something you don't need to worry about. everyone does things at their own pace
You're 14! Don't have one! Wait til your older! You're SOOOOOOOO YOUNG! You have plenty of time for boys later. Read books and have fun being a KID!
There's no reason to be afraid unless you put yourself at risk. For example, don't date guys who are older and don't go to their house if you don't trust them and if their parents aren't home. There are a lot of ways to protect yourself from rape if it's someone you know.