Thursday, 04 November 2010
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The Double Standard: A Different Perspective
So today I was reading a post on Lovelyish about a double standard.
It occurred to me that the tone of the post complaining about the double standard was actually exacerbating the double standard itself. Let me explain.
The argument is always, "Why can't women be sexual beings? Why can't women have as many partners as they want?"
Though a valid point, why does no one ask the opposite: "Why can men be total whores and no one seems to care?"
Forgive me if I'm being insensitive and using offensive language, but seriously. Why don't men have to worry about keeping their numbers DOWN, just like women? It seems like this is just as baffling as the reverse. Isn't moderation key? No one wants a walking STD, or someone who has kids with five different people.As a woman, I expect my partner to have a LOW number, not a high one! I have a conservative attitude about sex, and I admit that I wouldn't even consider dating someone with more than about three sexual partners. I want someone on my level, someone who can learn with me and who shares my beliefs about sex. Isn't THAT what's really important, rather than a number? I wouldn't want a guy who's been with tons of girls, just like a guy wouldn't want to date someone who's been with tons of guys.
If men were also expected to have lower numbers, they would think before pursuing random girls, and girls wouldn't be in the position of the Catch-22 because everyone would be on the same page. Isn't that what we're going for here?
What I'm really asking is this: Why aren't men held accountable for their high numbers? Why can't we women decide to hold them accountable?
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- From: JennyGee@xanga
- About Me: I like trees and horses and butterflies! And theatre, and music, and psychology, and spanish...you name it. Only not French :-P
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Comments (81)
I hold them accountable!
"As a woman, I expect my partner to have a LOW number, not a high one!"
"I want someone on my level, someone who can learn with me and who shares my beliefs about sex. Isn't THAT what's really important, rather than a number?"I hold everyone accountable. To me, there is no double standard. You are responsible for your actions simple at that.
LOL I love the picture.
double standards suck.
I have two major bones to pick about this article:
"I wouldn't want a guy who's been with tons of girls, just like a guy wouldn't want to date someone who's been with tons of guys." <------GENERALIZING. You don't know every guy out there and can't validly make that claim. Also, what do you mean by "tons of guys"? To you, a ton of guys could be 10 and to me, it could quite literally mean a ton.
"I admit that I wouldn't even consider dating someone with more than about three sexual partners. I want someone on my level, someone who can learn with me and who shares my beliefs about sex. Isn't THAT what's really important, rather than a number?"<--------Notice how you're contradicting yourself? Yeaaah......so if it really is about finding someone with similar attitudes as yourself, then why make it about numbers?
I'm so tired of hearing about this. WE as a society create these standards. Morality more often than not comes from a little something we call religion. Those who are more "religious" than others demand sexual abstinence and purity, and shun those who have "high" (depending on what you consider high, which for you is anything more than 3) numbers, when in most religions that I know of, forgiveness is the most important tenet. You want to talk about a double standard, then let's talk about that one.
I'm not the number of people I've been with and it's not indicative of who or "what" I am today.
I'm not promoting or advocating promiscuity in any way, shape or form, because I find any behavior that is excessive in nature abnormal (other than hard work and perseverance of course), what I AM saying is that a number is JUST a number, and not who a person is. This is not a male/female issue, it's a people issue. I think it's important to know a person, first and foremost, regardless of number, to really decide whether or not you'd date them.
forreals. i know i wouldn't date any guy with a huge number of sex partners. but i think men are regarded as little boys who just can't help their behaviors, so people brush off their mistakes and those boys never face any repercussions. that thinking goes for a lot of women too, who continuously forgive the guys they have fallen in love with for all their mistakes.
Hell yes, I'm glad you said this. I agree completely. Either everything is okay for everyone or none of it is okay for anyone. That's how society should function.
I don't think it matters at all. Love is what matters, not how many or how few people you've slept with. As for the double standard? That's been around forever. It would be interesting to chase down where it came from- religion seems like a dubious answer, as women are the fallen ones according to that theory (Eve). According to the double standard men need to be kept in line by virtuous women.
I have a question: Why is it that we as a culture have managed to turn something as beautiful and wonderful as sex into something horrible and shameful?
Dear god. I think I may have turned into a hippie.
are you serious? i don't think i've ever known someone who didn't complain about a guy getting around too much. (well, more specifically, i've never known a girl who didn't complain about a guy being too promiscuous.)
do you want to know the real double standard here? why is it that guys with no experience are automatically passed over by girls?
Ok... What. The. Fuck. Seriously, has NO ONE seen how asinine this reasoning is yet? No? Holy fuck, I'm going to hemorrhage because of you guys. You're basically proving yourselves wrong, but bitch out of habit. Counting to ten... counting to ten....
Here, let me break it down a bit. 99% of girls go on some balls-to-the-wall rant about how guys can fuck anything with three legs or less without any repercussion, yet in the SAME fucking sentence, they condemn men for it. I'm sorry, maybe I'm missing some huge, Pangaea sized piece of the puzzle here. If we're talking about a heterosexual man, then isn't the act of the women condemning him the EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU SAY IS HAPPENING? You say that men get off scott-free, but I always hear shit about women who don't want men with numbers that are too high. Isn't that the SAME fucking standard for women? I mean honestly, shitballs, has no one caught this yet?
I'll put it another way, it's going to be a little game of fill in the blank:
Pat won't date ______ because their number is too high.
Question: Assuming Pat is heterosexual, what was the sex of the person in the blank? Yup, you can't fucking tell can you? Nope, because that sentence works for both sides. You say men don't want a whore, but on the flip side, women won't date a guy if his number is too high. HOW THE FUCK is that a double standard?
If we're talking about being seen as a sex symbol or perception of celebrity figures, then shit, you might have a case, but when it comes to the everyday standards (as is the topic of this article), it's straight donkey turd.
Here's where I think you get confused. Among OTHER MEN, we guys can fuck pretty much anything (attractive) and brag about it. But to the general public and ESPECIALLY with women, that doesn't work. So, if we want to date you, chances are we don't want you to know our number if it's a bit above average because ... wait for it... there are consequences if you do, just like for women. See that, that right there? That's your theory getting shot to shit. The fact is, you DO hold men accountable just as guys hold you accountable. Want to explain how that's a double standard?
And, to take it one step further, if you want to say "No, see, but men are allowed more partners during the dating process than women are." that's fine, as long as you realize that OTHER WOMEN are setting the double standard. Not men.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - You're asking why women bitch about men sleeping with women after saying men aren't condemned? Simple answer, really.
When girls start talking about this shit, No one wants to hear them bitch. So they bitch more.
@CelestDiggory@xanga - I know. I just wish they realized that they're bitching about the wrong thing.
@theartofbumbling@xanga - I caught that too..
usually the people that don't care or say the numbers don't matter also have a high number that they are embarrassed to admit or lie about the actual number. I personally hold them accountable. it is like a sex credit report on how reliable or serious or immature or casual or whatever they are.
3 partners? but that's such an arbitrary number. I propose a new formula for finding a partner:
[magic number of the person with the most number of sexual partners] - (([magic number of the person with the least number of sexual partners]+1) (on a scale of 1 to 10 (one being not much at all) "how much do you care about growing old and dying alone"))
The closer you are to 0, the more you should consider dating the person.
You're welcome.
@Hinase@xanga - Honestly, nothing more needs to be said after your comment. That's all there is to it.
Eh. It's nice that you're trying to even things out, but I personally prefer the direction that the other poster was going in. See, I just don't think that (assuming appropriate precautions are taken) there's anything wrong with having lots of sex with lots of different people; and this applies to both genders. It's perfectly natural, and trying to suppress it tends to come back to haunt people. (I'm trying to refrain from pulling up the example about abstinence pledgers having the highest rate of complications - STD's, unwanted pregnancies - associated with unprotected sex... but it really does apply here, doesn't it?)
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I don't care about the number. As long as you're safe and clean, I couldn't give a damn.
By the way, my number is nine if you're strictly counting intercourse. Include everything from first base and on and it's like thirteen. No embarrassment or lies here. Of course, three of those are long term relationships ranging from 18 months to 11 months and another was a 4 month fling. How's my sex credit report?
great work
@mcmeister89@mancouch - C+
@mcmeister89@mancouch - thank you for that! And lol on the sex credit report bit. That's being presumptuous on the part of the person who wrote that, huh? I mean, really?
i have a strict dont ask dont tell policy on my relationship now and my relationships then
@cubancutiepie@xanga - context matters as I've said in my comment in the original blog that this blog is referring to. were they also cheaters/abusers that caused the breakup, were they mostly flings, was it just an experimental one time thing, was their longest relationship only 3 weeks, etc. it does show who they are if you look deeper, so it isn't merely just a number. I take into account all possible factors. I'm not religious but still a snob
lol I have my dealbreakers, others have theirs.