Thursday, 04 November 2010
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"I Can't Date Him Because...Um..."
I have a lot of single friends, both male and female, who constantly tell me how upset and lonely they are.
They go on to say how they can't seem to meet ANYONE, and that they are doomed to stay single for the rest of their lives.DRAMA CITY.
This is the point where I remind them that they are in their early twentysomethings and should stop worrying about it. Just have fun and enjoy being single! (Insert a thumbs up and a big smile for effect.)
They roll their eyes at me, so I try to work with them. I names a few guys/girls that they know and they reject each name without hesitation.
It got me to thinking. Are my friends lonely because they really can't find anyone? Or because they aren't giving anyone a chance?
The conversation will go something like this,
I say, "Well, what about that guy, Jim, from your class that you're friends with? He's cute!"
The response? "C'mon, Manny, I can't date him, he listens to country music."
I frown. "What about John, the kid we met at lunch the other day?"
"Manny, he wears an earring and has long hair. Ew. No."
At this point, I usually give up. Music tastes, an earring? Granted, everyone has their own preferences, but you can't dismiss everyone over such trivial things.
Nobody is going to be Prince Charming or Princess Perfect. A relationship is about learning to embrace each other's differences and bad habits, LIKE LEAVING YOUR SHOES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR. (I'm talking to you, babe.)
You have to give people a chance. One date isn't going to hurt you and you might realize there's more to the person than just his Randy Travis CD collection.
I try to tell my friends that if they really ARE lonely, then maybe they should stop being so picky. This is the point where they wrinkle their nose at me, and tell me to butt out.
I'm not saying to settle for something less than you deserve, but you should at least realize that no one is going to have every 278 of the qualities you are looking for in "The One." (And no, I'm not referring to Neo from The Matrix.)
Lighten up and give the guy with the earring a chance!
What do you guys think? Where do you draw the line at being picky with dating?
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About the Author
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- From: Manny
- Name: Manny
- About Me: I'm just your average 21 year old college girl who overly analyzes love, relationships, and sex.
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Comments (63)
I think my most trivial thing is height. If I said anything made me a bad person it's the inability to date anyone shorter than me.
lol. I used to date that with my now SO. Looked for every reason in the book not to date him because I just didnt want to jump his bones. I loved spending time with him, and hes a romantic, which lead to other girls thinking he was either creepy or clingy. I listened to them for awhile, then I grew some balls and figured him out myself. Turns out, hes just my type of man. :)
People seem to be either one extreme or the other. They are either too picky or not enough. Like some girls will throw themselves at any guy who smiles at them.
And then there’s the ones like you mentioned…. “I can’t date him! He has brown curly hair!!!!” (Actual statement from an acquaintance of mine.)
hahaha I complain about being lonely and not having a boyfriend, too, but I do realize that it's because I just don't want to date anyone. but at the same time I'm in high school so you can't blame me for having the "everyone here is dumb" mentality. hopefully i'll find someone in college (:
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas@xanga - lolll I can see how that would be a problem if you were tall for a girl. how tall are you? my friend is a teensy under 5'11" and she won't consider dating anyone shorter than 5'11" hahaha
If you don't know them. You don't ever.
@ivarahBharavi@xanga - hahaha. I can totally understand her.
I'm not that tall at all. I'm 5'6 1/2. but I've come across A LOT of dudes shorter than me and it's like, crap. I also wear heels a lot, most of my heels are like 3 inches, 3 1/2. I don't like to say this out loud because it makes me sound like a horrible shallow bitch, but I prefer men who are at least 5'10-5'11 so I can wear heels and not dwarf them.
So true... I think values are uncompromisable but long hair, an earring? Come on!
Now music might be a problem if say your friend is obsessed with a certain genre of music and goes to those kind of venues for said music every weekend and even plays in a band etc... then that's more of a lifestyle than just CDs.
My boyfriend loves heavy metal.... .I DO NOT.... but that doesn't stop us from loving one another (and me listening to it on the radio when he's driving! ;) )
@PrincessPatriotII@xanga - Too bad it can't ever be in between.
I base my taste in a guy offa his musical tastes. Surprisingly, it says a lot about a guy. Like, if he likes the same bands I do, it mean's he's willing to go past the mainstream to look for something better, something awesome. If he likes country, he's usually a gentleman, a bit closed-minded, and sweet. I can't date that. If he likes metal, he's angry and weird and loves to party. That's normally what I like.
The guy I currently like (today he told me he likes me too!), I fell for the minute I knew he listened to Death Cab For Cutie. He always wore metal shirts like Between The Buried And Me, all that good stuff... So I figured he was a party dude. Then he's like, I love Death Cab. They're so soft. Indie-alt is purty cool...For every person I think they need to establish real deal breakers. There can be differences but there needs to be some degree of open mindedness to compromise and learn about the other person. For me some intellect and/or desire to learn and understand the world around them is vital. It's something I have an intense passion for, so if somebody is completely apathetic to life or can't be bothered to be aware of what goes on around them, then I have no problem dismissing them. At the very least though, people deserve the opportunity to fail or succeed. If you never take chances with anyone then you can't know what's out there or what your missing that is right in front of you.
@crim077@xanga - i agree with you. i think there needs to be certain values that we both agree on like whether they believe in god... ? want to raise a family? what kind of relationship do they want? how they treat their mom? how they treat women? what are their goals in life?
I'll never date a fat or anorexic person, because I don't find them attractive at all. I also see no point in dating those with conservative/deeply religious ideologies. Once the lust is over, there's no deep connection. I wouldn't call these 'trivial' things. Unfortunately the two aforementioned types of people are the only ones I can find that are available these days. My love life is a drought *cry* =p.
@livefreelovelife@xanga - Indeed, to some extent in depends upon the person though. Everyone has different values and such.
It sounds like your friends choose to be single because those are trival reasons not give someone a chance. Heck I have an earring and listen to all genre's of music so I must be odd ball city! LOL!
As for me, my tastes have changed. I no longer have a physical type. I'm attracted to women of all shapes, shades and sizes. Where I draw the line are certain habits and behaviors. For example I don't date smokers. I'm an asthmatic and frankly I think smokers stink. As far as behaviors, if profanity is your primary language, I can't be with ya.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas@xanga - LOL no it's not shallow at all, everyone has their preferences! but height can definitely be an issue.. not for me, though, because I'm a little under five feet tall. I wish I was 5'3"ish ):
well idk about the music thing. if i get married its going to be a girl who is not am usic zombie xD
its been proven that the type of music you listen to alters your decisions and ways you view life AAHH SO WEIRDD
but long hair? short hair? eh who cares
Oh my god seriously! It's like, stop bitching if you're not doing a damn thing about it. Love this post.
the guy that has the most similar hyperactive music tastes as me lives in europe and I have a phobia of planes
the guy that has the same favorite movies as me is married
the guy that I'm very attracted to and has the same humor and wittiness as me is engaged
the guy that likes me drives a red car and doesn't wear deodorant, so I just can't
however, I'm single by choice, and I'm not emotionally available.
I agree. XD
@PrincessPatriotII@xanga - I agree with you.
I used to think that I was picky, but now I realise it's not that I'm picky, I'm just scared with the thought of being with someone, yano. But I definitely would never not date any body because of little tiny shizz like that.
Your friends are being pretty ridiculous, not gonna lie. My boyfriend and I don't have a ton of things in common, but the common denominator that draws us together is that we want the same things in life and we kinda like being around each other :P lol. I never would've found that out if I hadn't given him a chance and talked to him for more than an hour, because he was pretty quiet when we first met. I think that the main things I would cross off a list is a smoker or just a guy who has no goals, nothing trivial like height, shape, or weight.
and that is what i'm going to do when a guy i only like just a little would say that he likes me.... or whatever.... no point in not knowing if we'd click or not right?
I agree, I call it Prince Charming Syndrome and it is a sublet of the Princess Effect based on the movies and books a lot of females read, no devour. I think ti creates false expectations and makes regular people judge other people for being regular. I like the movie FightClub because in it, the guy says "you are not a beautiful flower". Now, yes I believe we are all unique and beautiful; however, if wee get to the point where our ego gets so stuffed we reject everyone, especially without much through, then we have a problem. I think sometimes we all need to be reasonable, look at friendships, maybe really ponder if there might be something more there, then maybe take the risk with someone - if it doesnt work out, and the friendship is ruined.. well, you did try and if that person is not mature enough to be friends on some level, then maybe you are better off anyways. Now, I am not saying you shouldnt be attracted to that person, but you dont have to be completely infatuated with them either.
in my late teens and early 20's i used to be very picky about who i date and who i want to be with but once i got into my mid 20s, i look for different qualities than what i used to look for.
hahaha should at least give it a try