Wednesday, 03 November 2010
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I Can't Say I'm Sorry
Apologizing and making up are two very important aspects of a relationship.
It shows respects for one another and helps to keep the relationship running smoothly. Even though it's hard, people swallow their pride and and admit they're wrong.
So why is it so hard for me to say I'm sorry?
When I get into fights, whether they be about something important, or something so ridiculous, I always seem to stand my ground and refuse to be the first one to say I'm sorry.
(Granted, if I believe something is 100% my fault, I will say it, but otherwise, most likely not.)
I don't know if it has more to do with my pride or the fact that I genuinely think I'm right most of the time. I'll think the words in my head, but it always seems like there's something preventing me from saying them.
The results are pointless fights that make me and my boyfriend bicker and resent each other.
But still a part of me is too stubborn to say it sometimes. So, instead we are both left feeling hurt and angry. You end up taking things out on each other and thus, continues the vicious circle.
I guess maybe I'm scared. Saying you're sorry to someone makes you vulnerable, and puts the cards in their hands. But shouldn't you trust someone enough with your feelings to be able to put yourself out there and say those two simple words?
If you're reading this, I know it's not enough......but I'm sorry.
Am I alone here? Does anyone else seem to have this problem?
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- From: Manny
- Name: Manny
- About Me: I'm just your average 21 year old college girl who overly analyzes love, relationships, and sex.
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Comments (19)
No though I'm the exact opposite. I'll say I'm sorry but there are times when I refuse to. Or I'll be sarcastic about it or say something like "I'm sorry for upsetting you about something you find insignificant" which really isn't an apology.
I have this problem too. I'm just not good at coming out and apologizing. Then again, I'm also more of a person who communicates more with action than necessarily with words. Which isn't enough, but we all have different forms of communicating/expressing ourselves.
i HATE apologizing. i thought it was just an ego thing but i'm so glad i'm not alone here.
and I agree ^ with @lapis_lazuli917@xanga - ... i apologize with actions, not words. after getting into a screaming fight with my dad, i felt awful so i offered him some of my candy from halloween and considered that my apology, hahah.
Your brain won't stop developing til you're 23.
Doesn't mean you don't know when you're wrong, and when you are, say you're sorry.
There is no shame, or weakness in that.
I have a lot of difficulty saying I'm sorry, too. I think it comes from having to stand my ground so much when I was younger. I had people in my life that would hurt me constantly and expect me to cave and beg for forgiveness. I had to learn to be strong and steadfast in my emotions. Now it hard to drop my gaurd and accept that I can hurt people, too.
I do have a problem saying it, but doing so shows that you have respect for other people. Not doing so just seems too prideful. No one wants to apologize to someone else that's going to rub it in there face, but usually immature people do that.
It really depends on my mood. If I know that I am wrong, I will say it (maybe not right then and there, perhaps the day after ^__^"), but if my stubborness and pride get in the way, I will not say it.
You are not alone. I don't understand why I cannot concede so a silly fight won't explode into madness. It really hurts our relationship. Thank you for posting this and good luck.
i have a lot of difficulty on apologizing.. depending on the situation. some people tell me i say sorry too much, but they also get upset because i don't always mean it - i'm just saying it to let the situation go. i also tend to justify myself in an apology which isn't acceptable.
i've been working on it. it's really hard to admit you're wrong, but when you're done apologizing you can feel better about yourself. if they're still mad or upset, you did the best you could. and i started realizing i like that feeling better than the feeling of my pride still being intact.
My crush says I apologize too much... But I'm wrong all the time!
Another thing could be your pride. No one likes to admit that they were wrong. Pride comes in here. And that's one thing that makes it hard to apologize.
the only reason it's hard to say I'm sorry is because you have too much pride.
that's why I have that problem.
I have this problem too! I might apologize for yelling or whatever after the fact, but I won't back down when I think I'm right and it takes a long time for me to cool off. My SO hates it, because he'd much rather just ignore the little issues but I get all bent out of shape about them and we'll probably end up hating each other down the line.
Honestly, I think it's harder for me to say that I'm sorry because when I do say it, I REALLY mean it, and feel truly apologetic.
I know some people who say sorry all the time for everything, but it's irritating how their apology clearly isn't very significant to them.
I have a difficult time apologizing when I don't think an apology was warranted since the other person was wrong!
if I feel the other person is right, I don't directly say they are right, I'll just stop and end the argument by not talking anymore to basically show that I have no more rebuttals. if they are wrong, I'll usually just say, "UGH!!" and continue arguing until the other person stops and I'm right or have the last word
i will only apologize when i'm wrong. if i'm not, i'm not going to apologize and say i'm sorry.
I apologize almost every time I argue with my boyfriend ... even when I shouldn't. I get it from my mother.
My boyfriend and I are both the kinds of people who won't apologize first. It gets pretty ridiculous after awhile haha. I tried working on it because I realized that most the fights we got in were things I had started. I also have a habit of pushing things. :p
I'd say the opposite. Inability to admit you are wrong or say you're sorry is a vulnerability in itself. You even admit to ways it is causing problems in your relationship. Problems don't usually come from strengths.
Saying you're sorry isn't the same as saying you are weak or at their mercy. It's more like saying you are strong enough to recognize your imperfections instead of ignoring them for the sake of your own ego.