PART I: The "Ugly" FriendI vaguely touched on this in a previous post, which you can find
here, but
attractive women tend to have a circle of less attractive friends with them when they go out clubbing or to a bar. From a male perspective and based on what I've heard from some women, the psychological reasoning behind this is that having less attractive, or "ugly" friends with them will not only make them look more attractive, but the friends will serve as "guardians" to ensure that the attractive female in question gets home safely, and isn't drugged or potentially raped.
Now, I'm guessing the reason why the "ugly" friends join their special power rings together and assemble to form the VULVATRON, is because it's assumed that they aren't going to be getting action anyway, so all of their attention is focused on their attractive friend. This sounds as selfish as Scrooge McDuck scrounging for pennies, but
I've noticed that women can be very competitive with one another, so hanging around with other attractive females could prove to be an issue.
Are there other reasons behind this phenomenon that I'm missing? Do you use your friends as coat hangers so you can shake it up on the dance floor without worrying about your jacket making you extra sweaty? You should be ashamed of yourself if you do this. In fact, if I were a giant-sized, anatomically correct female, I would make you my tampon just so you're familiar with the feeling of being used. If you somehow derive pleasure from the idea of being my tampon, well, you may need to become familiar with more than just the idea of getting used.
Have you ever felt like you were being used as the "ugly" friend at any point in time? Have guys pretended to be interested in you only to eventually get with your friend?
Most importantly, are you still friends with these people?I want to know how this works, and if women are aware that they're being put into this role by supposed friends. Men talk about it all the time, and while I take issue with the idea of degrading others based on appearance, I know it's a reality.
PART II: The "Ugly" Date"Oh, hey! How are you doing, darling? Have I introduced you to Wendy yet? She recently broke up with her boyfriend. ;]""Ahh, I uhh... you see, I-"OH GOD, WHERE'S MY "BAIL OUT" BUTTON?In cases like these, I wish I had been born a ninja, genetically predisposed to escape from situations where I'm forced into a double-date unknowingly. So I'm standing there, trying to be as polite as possible while I'm being coerced into going on a date with a girl who I find to be unattractive. Let's face it, as much as we try to kid ourselves into thinking that looks don't matter and that we'd willingly date a horse-faced, chihuahua/chimpanzee hybrid with a heart of gold, it rarely works out that way.
The first thing we notice when we spot a potential partner is their physical appearance. A lot of the time, we make our approaches to start conversations because we find the person physically pleasing. This is all common sense to me, but there are people who swear by the idea that physical appearance means absolutely nothing.
I'm begging you, please, quit pushing your friends on me. For the love of Bob Marley's weed-scented Rastafarian ghost, save me the awkwardness! It's never cool to take your friends on unexpected blind dates, especially when you're aware that this friend of yours isn't compatible physically, mentally or emotionally.
Are you THAT person who tries to hook up friends due to a subconscious Cupid fetish? Have you ever had friends try to pull one of these blind dates on you? Do tell.
Sincerely,
Nuñez Love Doctor
Certified with a PhD in Vaginal Mechanisms and Dead Rastafarians.
True 
Comments (137)
BAHAHAHA.
I'm not going to say stuff like this doesn't happen, im just going to say that its not very nice to assume that the "more attractive friend" thinks that "the less attractive friend' is ugly. Just because YOU think one is less attractive than the other doesn't mean anything.
I thought that psychologically, if you're surrounded with attractive people, you appear more attractive? :S
Most of my friends are dudes, soooo.... I guess that makes me the ugly one. Ha. Oh well. You can't tell ugly from pretty in a moshpit.
@JaadeLindsey@xanga - that's what i heard too....... :T
Honestly I think your judging girls way to harsh on this one.
I don't believe that girls actually go out and look for people who are ugly to befriend. Sometimes it just happens that a lot of yourfriends aren't as pretty as you, and I'll give you a good reason why.A lot of the time, the prettier you are, the nastier your attitude. It's just a common fact that when you are all that and a bag of chips, you tend to act like your all that and a bag of chips. And let's be honest, no one want to hang around a girl like that.So I believe that first and vfore most you make friends with people who have personalities that most match yours. That's why the pretty and rich bitchy girls are friends with each other, and the modest a nice girls seem to be friends with each other.I don't believe tha tanyone who is true friends with anyone would call their friend ugly.Why?Because when you become friends with someone, it's almost as if you can't judge their looks, because you'll have a completely biased opinion. Because you think highly of them as your friend, you most likely would not call them ugly.And lastly, let's be honest.It's human nature to feel good about yourself when your standing next to someone who you consider to be liess attractive then you. It has nothing to do with your friend, and the fact that they happen to be out with you that night, but during that moment in time, you can't help but think to yourself "I look good."However you could be dressed the same way, and be standing next to someone extremely attractive, and feel as if you are the ugliest thing on earth, simply because standing next to you, they look way beetter than you do.So I think that the whole thought behind having unnattractive friends really doesn't have anything to do with the friends you pick or who you're "using." I think it just has to do with moments in time where you feel like your on top of the world because youknow you look better than someone else.And there's nothing wrong with thinking you look better than someone, beccause looks are relative. In order to look good, you have to look good in relativity to something else.ommmmggg everyones trying to cupid me!!!! its seriously so ridiculous, my one girlfriend noted how me and my close guy friend were really tight, because we were best friends... and she heard we both used to have very strong feelings for each other-- and i think sometimes they can extend, but they'll never be the same in all cases (like this one)
fast forward, a secret double date... which i apparently knew nothing about--- at the fuckin movies!!! OMGGGG SO AWKWARD! i was just like.. trying to bro because it was such a weird set up, and than i think he felt pressured because we were with this very dramatic showy couple... and it was really bad. really bad.
but not that bad just something you need to get through.
than another time that guy friend got me in a movie date with this random guy we met at a museam showing??? HE WASNT EVEN ATTRACTIVE!!!! I TOLD HIM NO ONE CARED ABOUT ME AND I WAS JUST JUMPING OUT OF THE CAR AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO CARED WAS THAT LOSER .. and so anyways, the movie sucked, and the entire time the loser was like, whats ur number, lets text and i was like 'oops broke my phone' than my FRIEND LENDED HIS!!??
so than we had to text. o.O ... it was so bad. this loser was talking about marriage earlier-- and it took me months and 4 full speeches to him to tell me i was not interested. jesus fuckin christ.
i have more, im just holding back. it wouldnt be so bad, but im just a natural person who likes to do things how i want and take charge--- if i want a guy, trust me ill make it happen. but if i really like the guy ill do stuff, than see what they do and go from there-- i dont need peoples help.
oh heres a story thats really bad... this is reallly realllly bad.... and reallllly reallly embarassing. but ill tell it since its xanga.. lol.
alright- so there was this guy, at my friends house we were all hanging out and partying a little and i was drunk and i guess i was really hot that night (we all have good nights) and all the guys thought i was awesome (not in the embarassing way, i fasted for a couple days previously so i think my mind was really clear so i was very acute and in tune with myself and able to connect well and have a lot of fun)
uhm so, anyways, i got along with this one guy really well... he was very attractive and similar to me and had a good sense of humor i liked him but was giving him a hard time. we were flirting says my friend, im just so slow. alright.. here comes the wincing part... alright... soooo i come from a very sheltered family, i am a very sheltered person... mtvs blocked, comedys blocked, everythings blocked and when two people kissed in a movie my mom would run up to the tv to block it.
anyways just the day before i hung with one of my friends from the party-- ive always hung with guys its never been dramatic or a problem but what i failed to realize is that now that im in college... things really change a lot. we all become sex symbols.
anyways he said he wanted to hang out and wasnt tired yet so i kind of verified the 'just hanging out' yeah im so stupid. than we went to his house-- apparently he had the whole place to himself... and it started getting reallly really fuckin hot... like ommmg i was a virgin and i was like so turned on and ready to jump this guy..
but it wasnt the place and i got nervous and froze and was planning my escape plan all night-- i couldnt ask him to drive me home because thats just rude and i couldnt walk home because i would get lost so i just kind of laid there and didnt really know what to do--- he didnt even want to cuddle with me!!! how was i supposed to kiss him if he doesnt cuddle!!! ive never had to deal with someone who didnt want to cuddle!!!!!!
anyways, it was bad, the morning was worse... but idk why i was still attracted to this guy so asked about him-- before i knew it my one friend was like on his case to go out with me and i was like 'holy shit wtf' and it gets worse... well i knew he was going to be at this one party and im not the type to skip functions because of a person so i went anyways and we ended up getting along again and im so embarassed. i feel so embarassed.
anyways, i dont think if i saw him again id like him... since my taste got a lot tighter and i tasted the best so ill get it again but different form.
Ugly might be a little harsh. But you're right in saying there's always a second place. Which one is in first is in the eye of the beholder.
Whoooops, sorry about the technical difficulties, not sure what happened but HTML decided to kick me in the ass. All should be fine now.
Well, I don't think I'm ugly by any means but I think I was the "less attractive" female. Not physically but I wasn't a very social person. My friend was very outgoing and I think that's how she always got all the guys. She even stole some of the guys I wanted. That was high school. We were big time in competition even though we never admitted it.
Now, we talk to eachother on facebook. I'm married, she's single with two kids (which isn't bad but...), and I have a husband that doesn't find her attractive whatsoever... finally.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - if only everyone thought this way.
Asylum Blue's theory is probably true for some women.
As for the matchmaking: What if the cupid thought that there was something you two had in common. Maybe you could go in without any expectations of further dates, but find out why your friend would set you two up.
Sometimes you see a pretty girl with an needy-looking friend because it's easier to manipulate a girl who has self-esteem issues. I see that everywhere.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - I understand that, which is why I didn't generalize in my post.
@JaadeLindsey@xanga - Apparently not. The contrast between "attractive" and "unattractive" makes the "attractive" person stand out more.
@daniphantomz@xanga - Whaa? From my experience, girls I've found attractive had more guy friends than girl friends.
@NiShaCoRnEr@xanga - Awesome reply, thanks. About befriending less attractive people, I'm not arguing that women actively seek them out. Some might be drawn to becoming friends with girls who are less attractive because they can't stand the competition that another attractive girl would bring in. Others don't care about the superficiality. I understand that when you become good friends with people, you try not to judge them but are you sure that it becomes impossible to tell if you think someone is less attractive? I'm assuming this is what you meant.
@align___t@xanga - Haha, sounds like you're right about people wanting to hook you up with friends. About freezing up on the guy who wanted to have sex with you at his place, did you stop yourself out of nervousness, or was it because you were afraid of being labeled for having had sex with this guy? Maybe a combination of both? That does sound like a really awkward situation, though. Did the guy try to get with you because your friend pushed him to, or do you think there was genuine sexual tension there? :]
Vulvatron=awesome. And I know a lot of my skinny friends think they're better than me because well, they're skinny and I'm not. So they do use me as the "ugly" friend to try to make themselves better, but I've never been used for a guy...I think my friends are sorely disappointed though when I've gone out with a lot more guys than they have...maybe because what I lack in appearance I make up for in awesomeness? Don't know/don't care. I try not to play Cupid even though a lot of my friends beg me to introduce them to people, because I don't want to get dragged into that mess. I think this was a really good post and I completely agree you about everything!
Never been the "ugly" friend, never intentionally used someone as the ugly friend. I never saw the point. But then, I don't particularly want to get hit on in a club. It's annoying. I'd rather have a nice male friend who knows how to make people leave me alone and then spends the rest of the evening hanging out with me and having a good time. ;)
I guess we can't win, can we? If we befriend less attractive people, we're "using" them to make ourselves look prettier. If we don't, we're "shallow" and only want "hot" friends. How about just making friends with whoever seems interesting?
@EccentricSiren@xanga - GOOD POINT.
/
Ummm I don't know ANYBODY who thinks this way... I like my friends if they are similar to me...either that or I've known them for a long time and we have history. It's kind of shallow on ANYBODY'S part to refer to somebody as the "ugly" friend. Mostly since the term UGLY is highly arbitrary and somebody that THEY think is ugly... well that doesn't make them ugly. I've had people call one of my friends ugly, and put quite franky, it fucking pissed me off, and I got pretty mad. On the flip side, I've also had people compliment her looks to me, so that just goes to prove my point that the term "ugly" is arbitary, and those women we see with "less attractive friends" it's not always a "phenomenon", they simply LIKE their friend. What, "ugly" people can't have friends now? Without it turning into some crazy conspiracy of "pretty" women trying to make themsleves look better? Come on people...
I sometimes feel like the ugly friend when I go out with my best friends, even though we're probably all of comparably equal attractiveness, but that's more to do with social anxiety than an actual reflection on my looks. Â I've never been used as ugly bait to my knowledge, but I have probably put myself in that position because I'm awkward and uncomfortable, therefore allowing guys to glean over me and move onto other girls that I'm with. Â It doesn't exactly bother me, though, because chances are if he's not able to pull me out of my social anxiety, he's not really worth my time. Â /shrug. Â I don't really run into this too often, however, as I mostly stay out of bars.
As far as matchmaking goes - my longest relationship was the result of a blind date, and to be honest, I didn't like him all that much when I first met him, physically or personality wise. Â I made the boy jump through hoops for nearly 6 months before I caved and became his girlfriend. Â We ended up staying together for almost 2.5 years and now, almost 2 years after that, we're more or less best friends, but the road getting there was awkward.
I refuse to hook people up though. Â Well, I don't really know enough people to hook people up first of all, and second of all, it's just kinda awkward. Â I mean, it sucks when it just doesn't work out and everyone involved ends up suffering from it.
Lmao at the Bob Marley's ghost thing.
Well, I've never used my "less attractive" friends in any such way. In fact, I don't even think about them that way, or categorize them. That idea must have been adapted by those taking an upper-level Bitch course...
I feel like it's the opposite - attractive girls tend to hangout in packs
@prettynpink628@xanga - Yeah, I made sure to put it in quotes because beauty isn't universal.
@koopagirl@xanga - Ahaha, that's a victory on your end, if you ask me. I need to refrain from encouraging competition, though because I know it doesn't need any fuel from me. It's really shitty that she would jump on the guys you were interested in, but that's the nature of competition I guess.
@sassyjessie@xanga - In a case where they thought there was some commonality between the two, I think it would be a little more fair to describe the person beforehand, instead of just randomly throwing them your way, haha. I agree with your comment about manipulation.
@Nevermore_Nightmare@xanga - Thank you, I appreciate your reply :]
It's unfortunate that people will sometimes act condescendingly towards others they deem of lower value, simply over physical appearance. There are a few issues that could lead to that train of thought, insecurity being the primary suspect.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - Ohoho, what kind of a "good time" are you talking about, there? ;]
I honestly wish people weren't as superficial as they are, but it's just the way things play out. I'm thankful for every friend I have who doesn't judge and doesn't like riding high-horses. Mostly because if they fall off of a high-horse, I'd be tasked with having to take them to the ER for possible broken limbs. That would be a pain in the ass.
@BingleBot@xanga - I wasn't generalizing, so my post doesn't apply to all women, of course. I like to think I'm not ignorant enough to do something like that. Furthermore, the reason why I put quotes around "ugly" is because I agree with you; it's arbitrary.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - Great reply. Social anxiety will definitely hinder your ability to meet new people, but as you said, if a person can't make you feel comfortable considering the situation, it just isn't going to work out. What made you cave in, exactly? What kind of tests did you put the poor guy through? Haha. Also, throughout the relationship, did you feel more like a friend, or a lover?
I have to so agree with this entry.
@AsylumBlue@mancouch - It morphed from friends into lovers then back into friends.  I caved because I realized that throughout all my testing of him, not only had he been a good sport, but he never backed off...and I really liked it about him. Â
It was just the stupid sort of high school testing bullshit, haha, but there was a lot of waiting involved too, which is impressive when you take into account the instant gratification attitude of our generation. Â I do remember that I made him wait 6 weeks for our 2nd date - a month because I was being generally nervous and coy, then an additional 2 weeks because I broke my foot and needed to get used to a walking cast. Â To this day, he still tells me that he was shocked when I showed up at his house actually injured because he thought I was just being a bitch hahaha.
I guess I would be considered the "attractive friend" opposed to the "ugly friend"...I don't think any of my friends are ugly. I think they're all beautiful. But I do feel differently when I'm out with a girl friend who others may consider (I can't call my friends ugly...) "less attractive." I guess, as terrible as it sounds, IF I were single, and wanting to pick up a guy, I would prefer to go out with the "less attractive" friend, to eliminate "competition." IDK, since I'm not single and looking...I wouldn't like to go out with a less attractive friend who IS single and looking, in fear of me being competition for her.
Wow, I'm making myself sound like a cocky asshole son of a bitch. I'm not. So I'll stop here. Not sure how to defend my thoughts...haha
@MeStripped3@xanga - I'm the same way, no worries.
I remember the first time I realized people considered me the "pretty friend"..I'd never thought of it until someone else mentioned it and even then, I was like "no way, she's beautiful.. well, I guess I kind of see what you mean.." and I think when I am single and trying to hook up, I do do it subconciously. Agh :(