So I was at dinner with my cousin tonight and we were talking about relationships and how she's dating this guy that she's been with for two years.
She's not sure how long it will last and when I asked her why, she said, "He won't wear the pants, and he doesn't want me to wear the pants, and well...someone needs to be wearing some pants!"
She explained that basically she meant that she is a take-charge kind of person and ends up making the vast majority of the decisions and plans in their relationship, pretty much all the time.
Even though she says she likes being in charge, she doesn't really like having to be the one to wear the pants in her relationship, and she doesn't want to do it for the rest of her life. I've actually talked to several women who have similar feelings about relationships. We (yes, myself included) are take-charge women. We like to plan, to direct, to make things happen and get things done.
And yet, when it comes to our relationships, we'd prefer to let the man do those things and take a break from being in charge. I personally am a teacher, and I get paid to spend hours every day planning, organizing, making decisions, and telling little people what to do.
I am in charge all day long, and when I come home to my man, I don't want to have to order him around, too. I want him to make plans and decisions and take charge in our relationship, cuz otherwise I'll feel like he is another one of my kids, and believe me, 25 is more than enough!
Sometimes I think that it's this kind of thing that makes women think men are lame and men think women are man-bashers. When men behave in ways that we perceive as un-manly (i.e. expecting us to take charge all the time) we start treating them like children, because that's how we start to see them.
I once dated a guy who NEVER made plans, ever. He never took charge, he never made decisions, and I pretty much had to do everything. Even on Valentine's Day, he wanted to meet up after work and just "play it by ear." And before long, I lost respect for him. What can I say? I like my men of the manly variety.
Does anyone else feel this way? Guys, what do you think?
Recommend
Comments (34)
Why does someone have to "wear the pants?" Why can't you both be equals?
I like a guy who takes charge. Just sayin'.
This irritated me for some reason...
No one likes a pushover, but taken to the other extreme, no one likes a guy who gives you no say, either. I think most of us would be happier with a guy in the middle.
Maybe the pants could switch between the two partners- I'm sure guys get tired of making decisions all the time, too.eh, we try to keep it equal. i don't like when i feel like i'm doing it ALL myself, but a lot of times he does more than i give him credit for i think. \
also did you just say you have 25 kids?!?
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - She's a teacher :P She considers her kids her kids.
@CelestDiggory@xanga - LOL oh haha. right right. carry on.
I'm equal with my hon on who makes decisions and whatnot. Mostly because we're both incredibly indecisive on almost everything. Plus, I don't think I'd mind a guy who played it by ear. Spontaneity is great, depending.
And I hate wearing pants.
My guy and I try to keep it equal in that department, but I see what the writer of this blog is getting at... sometimes it's sexy for a guy to take charge, and let his testosterone rule and make decisions. For me, it's an every once in a while type thing that can be a real turn on... otherwise, equal is best.
I was married to a man who made me have to wear the pants. I got sick of having to be the man all the time. The marriage did not last.
@rxc2009y@xanga - Agreed.
I don't like those whatever type of people in general, both genders, who seem to not put in much effort to plan surprises or organized plans to show that they thought of you enough to sincerely plan something in advance, instead of always playing it by ear or give half hearted last minute gifts/gestures as if I don't mean that much to them to take more action. spontaneity is good sometimes but when it is happening often, it isn't spontaneous, but expected that they'll act casually whatever
and I don't mean the bossy type of pants wearing but the make you feel special type of planning.
Great post! I am just starting out in community management/marketing media and trying to learn how to do it well - resources like this article are incredibly helpful. BY:uggs outlet
I'm a laid-back guy, who dreams of the simple life. Therefore the less decisions and plans I have to make, the better. The fact a majority of people seem to be intolerant of this is the story of my life. People may view this behaviour as synonymous with lazy, but I'm the least laziest person you'll ever meet. I'm always doing something, and will always lend a hand if asked (I'm rarely asked, but that's another rant for another day). People may also view this behaviour as not particularly masculine, but not everyone is a muscle-bound selfish mysogynistic chauvinistic ego-maniac. On the one hand, you got feminists who want an egalitarian society, yet they still want men to be some fanciful medieval ideal. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Anyway, I'm generally happy doing what other people want to do. That's how I enjoy life, and in my experience, that's how other people enjoy their experience with me (except for those particularly bothered by my indecisiveness). Of course, I will make decisions and plans if no one else will.
i think we should both wear the same pair of pants at the same time, and giggle when we fall over trying to walk... lol
but in all seriousness, i think equal is best. "wearing the pants" and taking charge/making plans for each other is good to remind the other how much they mean to you. my guy and i take turns making plans, even though we pretty much always have the same ideas and do the same things loli'm all about equality in relationships, but i'm totally with you on the at feeling of "please, for the love of god, make a decision." i am usually in alpha female role and making people stay on task and delegating, so when i like it when i don't have to make every single decision when i get home, too
The problem I generally have in these situations is that I really don't care what actually goes on in dates, etc. I just want to be spending time with someone.
Basically, 'wearing the pants' often comes to making a bunch of decisions I don't give a shit about, and you do. If you're not okay with my 'default' of ordering delivery and watching a movie together, I think it's your job to take charge.
Honestly, my bf and I both wear the pants together. We talk, discuss etc; with each other and we both plan out things we do..or just make big decisions. So no one is left out in the cold. It's pretty much a win-win situation in my relationship with my bf.
I hate when people can't make decisions.
I don't think its an issue of manliness. I mean, is a super possessive control freak, a super manly man for it? If you want someone that takes charge, then get someone like that. Some people want more laid back personalities. Its just a matter of personality ,compatibility, and preferences.
@rxc2009y@xanga - I definitely agree with this.
I would be livid if my boyfriend tried to organize everything and I would be mad if he wanted me to organize everything. I'm happy at us both putting equal work into our relationship :)
I think we're equal. I think its just the illusion of me wearing the pants.
it's not that he doesn't care about the relationship, it's just he's so laid back and used to others making plans and decisions he's more comfortable with hearing other people's suggestions before giving his own.
so pretty much I need to come up with something, and if he doesn't like it THEN he'll plan something hahaha
I have that problem too! Aargh, it's so frustrating. Then when I do try to make plans, my SO doesn't like them, but still refuses to make his own plans, and so nothing ever happens unless I just do it on my own. What happened to men taking the initiative?
In my relationship with my husband, I feel that we're both pretty equal.. but I like to think I wear the pants in the relationship. Just because I don't like someone else making a decision or telling me what to do.