Sunday, 31 October 2010
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Should I Even Bother "Doin' It?"
I'm a senior in high school and my boyfriend is a junior. He's a wicked nice guy and I really like him. We've only been dating a month so we're not really serious yet. The question is: should we be?
He told me that when I go to college next year, unless it's somewhere close by, he's breaking up with me.
He then backed it up with, "But don't base your decision around me" and it seemed like he actually meant that statement. We've also talked about how long we're going to wait until we had sex. Right now we have agreed on a couple months... in other words, when it feels right.
But honestly...should I have sex with him when I know I'm not going to be with him forever? I'm not a virgin, but he is. Should I bother getting emotinally attached to someone in that way when I know the end is ultimately near? Help...
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- From: kyrie1220@xanga
- Name: Chelsea
- About Me: I write
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Comments (64)
If you can have sex without an emotional attachment I don't see why not. Otherwise, I personally wouldn't want to, especially if I knew for a fact that he was going to break up with me within a year unless I followed him.
I feel like if you have to ask the internet for confirmation/affirmation, you already have your answer.
You've already answered your own question - to have sex only when it feels RIGHT. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. And, trust me, with the new crazy life you're about to embark on in college, moving on will be MUCH smoother than if you were still in high school.
Anyway, I commend you for being realistic about it possibly not working out. With it being my fourth year in college, I'd like to give you a bit of advice that I WISH someone had told me when I first started out - STAY SINGLE! At least for your first couple of years. As a freshman, I quickly jumped into a relationship which lasted up until a few months ago. And although he was a great guy, I feel that committing myself so early in college restricted me from truly experiencing college as it should be experienced - carelessly, freely, and with absolutely no attachments. Then again, that's just my two cents. :)
Best of luck!
Honestly he sounds like a douche already, just outright saying that he'll break up with you unless you stay local..."but don't base your decision around me." My ex said the same thing but he really pressured me to stay local as the months went on, despite getting into my dream school in Boston. I was a moron and listed to him, and I ended up breaking up with him later in my freshman year because he got physically abusive, but sorry hahah that's not your question
Anyways, just go with what's right. Talk to him about it, if he wants to lose his virginity to you. Ask him if it's an issue for him. If it's not, then ask yourself if it's an issue. I mean, really ask yourself. If you're not sure about the long-term potential with your relationship and that makes you uncomfortable sleeping with him, DON'T DO IT! It's better to be safe than sorry, in my experiences with sex. Don't do it just because you "can" or you might "miss" the opportunity. Those, generally speaking, are the things you'll regret because they're spur-of-the-moment decisions you might regret later once you can think about it from a different viewpoint
Sorry for the essay...good luck!
@walkintotheseaaa@xanga - Agreed
I wouldn't really suggest having sex in high school because of the risk of pregnancy and STDs. I don't want to say high schoolers are idiots, in fact I'm a sophomore in college, and I'm glad I waited til college to have sex. It's just in high school most guys are virigins and well, they may not know how to put on a condom right or they think they know how to use the pull out method well (though I won't suggest it). Especially if you know this relationship won't last, it's a difficult decision to have sex or not, if you want to use sex as a way to express your love, you might want to wait til you think you're in love. If you want sex to satisfy hormones, go ahead. It all depends on you and your partner honestly. This is just my 2 cents
Hihi ..! Indeed, i find myself has similar struggle about the same subject matters. I love guys, but when it comes to committment, i tend to panic away. It becomes an issue for me to make everything works out, even i find the guy is a very attractive dish. I met this one guy who makes me comfortable enough to open up myself with body touch. He sensed I am not a right fit, so he decides to leave me alone. I agreed to not "do anything" if not sure, just be safe. I can't deny that i miss him much, because of his ability to turn me into a woman. I enjoy to be a woman. At the same time, i am afraid of my love one leaves me. Just as you says, if I don't follow him anymore .... so what can i do ... too ...?
My other guy friends always tell me be myself. What we learn everyday is to get along with someone. So, i am not sure how much i should be myself ..
I want to end with ... i think love can help regrets. When the love comes, you won't regret anything. However, if love does not happen much enough, it is when regret comes in.
This is my essay answer! Nice comment to your great point!!!
I think you should just break up like, in the near future. Unless you never plan on getting at all serious with him. Because if you do plan on being with him as long as you can, what if you date all the way until you go to college? By then you'll probably be really attached to him. Might as well cut the cord as early as possible. Same goes for the sex, I don't think it would be a good idea unless you are able to have sex without becoming super attached.
I think his "don't base your decision around me" means that you should choose a college that you actually want to go to even if it is long distance, but he doesn't do long distance relationships, so if you aren't nearby, then don't blame him for breaking up with you. the relationship is new and you haven't had sex, so it would be easier to let you go before things get more complicated. since he is the virgin, then he is probably asking the "forever" question in his mind if he believes in that stuff but I think he is doubtful that long distance relationships won't work, so not having an optimistic outlook, isn't a good foundation for a stable relationship.
People don't have one sexual partner throughout their lives, I think
its common to have something like 5 or more. Wear protection, and all is well. Its not like he is 'anyone'. He is someone you clearly like a lot. Why not have a fun memory to look back on? I think the replies you're gonna get are gonna be similar to that or the religious "SAVE YOURSELF TIL MARRIAGE" variety. Its ultimately up to you.
You should kill yourself.
Nah, I'm just joshin' :P
@Bella_Mabel@xanga - Took the words right out of my mouth.
Ummm, NOOOOOOOO. Are you honestly asking this question? I'm sorry, but...wow. How stupid.
The obvious answer, is NO. Avoid the avoidable forms of heartbreak when and if you can. Trust me, your heart will get broken in more ways than one down the road later on, so...I wouldn't do this if I were you, no. Unless you just want some form of fling, then, all the more power to you.
But...I would strongly advise you against it. Besides...not to mention the possibilities of getting pregnant. You say, "Oh, it won't be me.", but I've had 4 close friends of mine become pregnant in the past few months. Trust me, it can happen and it does all the time.
So, go get an education instead. Even so..college will be full of this type of thing, just so you know. Piggish guys coming onto you. So, maybe it would be beneficial to learn these things now...the worthwhile guys will come later.
Never ask anyone but yourself if you should have sex with someone. Because THEN, when you do, your intentions may be in the wrong place. It sounds like you're wanting validation for a decision you've already made.
@Bella_Mabel@xanga - Wow, so did you end up going to Boston? I'm just wondering because if I had gotten into my dream school(which I didn't! *sad face*) I wouldn't have let anyone stop me.
I say wait. College is the life. Plus it's just high school.
But then again it's your choice and you did say "when it feels right..."
You should be "serious" in a relationship when you are ready to be serious just as you should have sex in a relationship when you feel that you are ready. I, personally, don't think there should be any time frame because everyone move at a different pace.
If you know that the relationship isn't going to last or be long term, why bother continue it and prolonging a break up that is awaiting to happen? IMO, I would just be single and have fun.
no point of getting serious at all when you guys will be done in a year. dont bother getting too atatched since that'll cause more issues when u have to leave him. and def dont base your decision around him. its your life :]
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - I agree. If having sex means you will become more emotionally attached, then don't do it if you're not planning to stay together. On the other hand, if you can do it for the sake of enjoyment, that's all good.
Must be nice that sex makes you a special butterfly in highschool... unlike how things are in the adult world where sex does NOT mean jack because everyone is married with kids.
If you have to ask us if you should have sex with your boyfriend then maybe ya shouldn't do it. Just sayin'.
I dunno.
There was a girl I knew I would have to split up with when I left in this same situation (I was a senior her junior year), but I let myself get really close anyway. We got really physically intimate (only second base for religious reasons on her part) and there were a lot of complications with that towards the end. It was a fantastic relationship, but it ended not as well as it could have and even today with a wonderful girlfriend I still am troubled by the whole situation and stuff.
I can't imagine how much harder it would have been if we had actually had sex.
"He told me that when I go to college next year, unless it's somewhere close by, he's breaking up with me. "
Okay, so it may be just me....but this threw up a HUGE red flag for me. I really don't see the point in you making a sexual commitment to him if he still has this mindset. Because I take it as he doesn't take your relationship seriously enough to try to make it work over a distance.
Going to college is a big deal, something that only you can decide on, for him to give you an ultimatum is basically saying that he doesn't support your dreams or goals, and I know I wouldn't want to be with a man like that. I think you should leave him know before you two get too emotionally involved with each other. And my advice on the sex part of this is to NOT do it.
Rage For Love
1. don't base your college decision on a boy. EVER. ever ever. really. your life will end up so much better.
2. have sex when it feels right.
my personal advice would be to not have sex with him... you are very early into the relationship and it's not worth 'just doing it' just to do it.