Thursday, 28 October 2010

  • We Can't Be Friends, Just Let Me Go!


    When you date someone, that person pretty much becomes your best friend (if they were not already that to begin with.) 

    They are the person you want to be the first voice you hear in the morning, and the last one you hear before you go to sleep. This person sometimes takes priority over the other friends you have in your life to the point your "friends" get sick of not having you around because you spend so much time with your significant other. 

    Now Heaven forbid that this relationship you have with your boyfriend or girlfriend does not work out. Let's just say things go South and feelings change and it's time to move on away from each other.  During the break up, some common phrases may come up: "we need to talk.", "I wish things were different", "it's not you, it's me.", and my least favorite cliche break up phrase: "I hope we can still be friends."

     

    Now you are the person being DUMPED, and you were blinded by the fact that you thought things were actually going well between you and your other half; you may feel the desperate need to cling onto this person that you dedicated so much time, effort, and emotion to.  You may even have this idealized fantasy world made up in your mind where your former SO/BFF will remain this loving, caring, FRIEND, even though you are no longer dating.  Chances are things will not work out that way, and even so.. is that really a friendship you want to have years down the line?

    I'm starting to believe that these friendships are seriously not worth it.  I still get messages on Facebook from certain exes of mine and it's like, we aren't really friends.  The conversations go nowhere.  I always wonder what our relationship was like before we got to the friend zone and why it is I wanted to hang on to this person. I should have deleted them off my list when I had the chance.

    What is something you've tried to hold on to, even though you probably shouldn't?

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Comments (22)

  • Sunrise_Hope_Joy@xanga

    For the most part, I agree with you. But in the case of my worst break-up, we did work hard on becoming friends, and we are good friends. It's sometimes weird, as old emotions, good and bad, flare up, but I think we both realize that, while we were not ideal as a couple, we still care for each other. My life would be less if he left it completely.
  • UnconventionalButterfly@xanga

    I'm friends with two of my ex bfs and we're really good friends. I think it depends on how the break up went, ect ect.
  • jmeLove_x@xanga

    It's called EX for a reason. Keep 'em out of your life, doesn't cause anything but trouble.
  • Two_of_Six@xanga

    @Sunrise_Hope_Joy@xanga - Completely agree with you. 
  • xLaurenFaceeex@xanga

    my boyfriend completely destroyed me, and still doesn't understand when i say not to talk to me ever again.
  • SpOnTaNeOuS_sPiTbAlL@xanga

    i think if its a serious relationship friendship shouldn't be sustained. if its some stupid fling, then whatevs.
  • HoldOnFor1MoreDay@xanga

    I am actually friends with all of my ex's except for one and talk to almost all of them frequently. I think it really depends on the maturity of the person and how badly on or the other was hurt and how willing they are to forgive afterwards. The only BAD breakup I've actually had was with my ex husband and I still talk to him at least once a week and we consider eachother friends.
  • daniphantomz@xanga

    It all depends on the person. I have a lot of exes where we're all good, but I have one who sees me and shoves me into the nearest wall.  So that sucks.
  • superGchik@xanga

    i learned my lesson, there are some guys who are willing to be civilized and be friends and then there are those who won't.  i've try to be civilize and classy but i realize not everyone is like that.
  • sunflowersforlove@xanga

    When I was in high school I usually remained friends with ex's, but not because I went to school with them. I think there was only like 3 guys I went to school with that I dated, but one went to rehab the year we dated, one graduated the year we dated, and one was my neighbor so we had to remain civil and friends for our parents sake. I never really ended on bad terms with any boyfriends and usually the break up was well realized by both of us so there was never a freak out or blindside. I think if it were to happen now with my current boyfriend we would have to break off all ties because it would be really painful for both of us to try and keep up that same exterior towards each other. Although, when we broke up when I was 17, I desperately tried to remain friends with him and he was very stern in his idea that we shouldn't talk anymore. It was probably smarter. While it was painful to not talk to him, it was easier to get over him when we didn't talk. 
  • cherrybomb8691@xanga

    me and my (ex-ex) best friend broke up back in april. after 2 years. best friends through highschool ...it sucked. but i cant just be friends with him....alot of stuff has happenned in between breaking up and now...and friendship?.....on my part isnt possible...regardless of how much i want it.

    has someone ever broke up with you, then got mad at you for being "selfish" and not wanting to be friends with them?

    im pretty sure we have a choice too. WE DO.

    i think time apart until you get completely over is normal and needed. :)
  • TheRedheadChronicles@xanga

    Well, there was this one guy that I never even went out with. Let's make a list of all the shit he's done to me, shall we?


    1) He started a fight with another guy, a mutual friend of his, when it became known that this guy liked me too. (For the record, I liked neither of them, they were weird.)


    2) He has insulted me in various ways, as well as insulted my boyfriend's memory by asking me, a MONTH TO THE FREAKING DAY my boyfriend passed away if I would please go to prom with him. And when I replied to this with silence and then an indignant, "No!" he had just said, "Oh, is it because of your boyfriend? Well...prom's in April, you'll be over him by then, won't you?" FUCK YOU.


    3) He has embarrassed me in public. Like, really, I don't need anymore help with that, we've established this.


    4) He has turned my parents against me in the past, literally. They made me "be nice" to him. *gag*


    That's all I can think of right now, but I know there's more. Anyway, I haven't tried to hold onto that relationship, if you can even call it THAT. It wasn't even a friendship! It was more that we just had a common interest...and I can't get him to leave me alone.
  • RealistFantasies@xanga

    i talk to both my exes on a daily basis and they really did remain my best friends.
  • thinfriendxxo@xanga

    I lost my best friend in Feb (aka he left the country - not dead) and so this new guy filled that gap and I don't let people in easily - so he's special.  And we were acquaintances before we became involved,  now we're just friends and as much as it sucks...  I'm not ready to say goodbye to yet another person I love.

  • aCe_KeiAnar@xanga

    for me, seeing someone i cared for and not having them in that capacity makes a friendship impossible and unbareable.
  • squeakysoul@xanga

    Some people manage to be friends but those people are the exception. I have an ex who was not only a sig other but a best friend to me, and he dropped me like a hot potato after I broke up with him. My theory is that most of the time, "let's just be friends" is just polite bullshit.
  • LaBellaMorena

    Apparently some people can be friends with their exes. I am not one of those people. I really don't see how you manage to do it, honestly. With the two exes with whom I am still "friends", the word "friends" is just a polite way of saying we never talk, but we don't hate each other. We're civil, we're polite, we're friend-ly, but it's not like we go out for coffee or talk on the phone or anything. At this point, there is really nothing left to say, except, "Remember how we were dating once?" I actually have an ex who has called me multiple times in the last few months, and then recently resorted to facebooking me, always lamenting the fact that "we haven't talked in so long." And I'm thinking, who cares? That's as it should be. On a related note, this is the same guy who went out of his way to introduce me to his new girlfriend. Dude, seriously...we broke up. And if you really want someone to talk to, call that chick in your fb pictures. And leave me alone. 
  • fields_of_sunflowers@xanga

    I'm friends with all my ex's apart from the one guy that broke my heart.
  • RaeChan77@xanga

    The only way you can be friends with an ex is if

    1.) You never really cared about him in that way, and therefore were not truly broken when you separated--you know what I mean. The, "he/she's good enough" rather than "omg he/she is perfect" relationship.

    2.) The relationship didn't last long, as in you two were so close you decided to try it, and then realized you were better off staying friends.
  • koalkat@xanga

    My best friend is my high school sweetheart.  We broke up 3 and a half years ago after dating for 3 years in high school.  He dumped me, though I agreed that things weren't really going well.  It was totally one of those "right person, wrong time" things.  We enjoyed each others company and had a lot of common interests, but we just didn't mesh as a romantic couple anymore (we dated from when I was 13-16, and he was 15-18.  We both changed a lot.)  He is now my bestbestbest friend in the whole world, and nothing more than that.  I'm not saying that this is usual, but here it is.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.
  • anonymous

    i have never managed to be friends with exes in the past, but my most recent ex is friends with all of his. in fact, this is one of the reasons why we broke up. there was one in particular who he was practically joined at the hip with, a much older, wealthy man who supported his artistic lifestyle. in the beginning i tried to be understanding, but it got to be too much when he was running out of my bed in the mornings because his ex called and wanted to go for a walk with him. it was no fun feeling like the female third wheel in their ongoing 'friendship'. 

    now he wants to be friends with me but it just feels like such bullshit. how can i be his friend when he doesn't even want to acknowledge all the reasons that split us up in the first place? i don't know what 'friend' means to everyone, but to me, a real friend is honest. maybe if you can be honest with your ex you can be friends but if it's all just about playing games and wanting to look like you're cool in a bruce and demi stylee, then why bother? go hang with one of them other bitches, let me do my crying and then at least i can pick myself up, dust myself off, glam myself up and get on with things. sometimes i think being 'friends' is just pure denial, and merely serves to drag out all the pain and hardship of breaking up. who wants that drama? if you are more enlightened then me and can do it right, then power to you. but this bitch is about to hit delete...
  • NiteBites@xanga

    I'm holding on to something that I'm not completely sure about...


    I'll see how it the dreaded thing goes on Monday though
    Wish me luck

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