Wednesday, 27 October 2010
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What Men Want Most: An Authentic Woman
I’ve always been attracted to a woman with her own sense of style. From the way she dresses, to the way she carries herself, I like women who stand out from the crowd by being authentic.
Nowadays, I tend to cross paths with more and more women who try to be carbon copies of Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Nicki Minaj or whoever the “It girl” is at the time. In most cases these women are a heck of a lot older then whoever the “It girl” is, so they kind of come off as being ridiculous.
So ladies, if you want a guy to take notice of you, simply be yourself. That alone will have you stand out from the rest.
Guys, do you agree?
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- From: WhenAManLoves@xanga
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Comments (62)
yea i see a lot of black women trying to be like rihanna
I really have trouble believing that this is what men want. Most guys are horrified by the fact that I actually have a personality.
and men dress like george clooney, justin timberlake, kanye west's sunglasses + bling style whoever is the ideal IT guy/style is in the media
trying too hard to stand out in the crowd can also be interpreted as being not authentic or ridiculous, depending on perspective. I think fashion is abstract and everchanging, so experimenting with different styles whether it be the current trends or eccentric vintage items mixed with some popular styles doesn't mean they are or aren't authentic. appearances can be deceiving. I mean some people dress as if they are rich but they aren't or vice versa. I know a guy that dresses in simple white tshirts and baggy jeans but he has more substance than those guys that seem to have their own unique sense of style but their personality doesn't necessarily have depth. are they not being themselves or are some of these people overcompensating. who really knows
@beckieintoyland@xanga - i think he means GOOD men. lol
@beckieintoyland@xanga - I know absolutely nothing about you, but the issue COULD be less about you having a personality and more about the personality itself...
But again, I don't know you, and I could be wrong.
Everyone says they want someone who's "real" or "authentic."
@Superman_aka_NEPP@xanga - that's a poorly constructed insult if i've ever seen one, sir.
and, no, i have it on authority that it's the very fact of my personality's existence that's problematic. as in, "you're cute, but like, you have too much of a personality. i'm not at a place in my life where i can handle... +bullshit/jargon+"
@beckieintoyland@xanga - O.o How can someone have too much personality?
for "real" and/or "authentic" more or less is right, but just depends, cause it's not just randomly "authentic" but something that in general can be deemed by most, maybe even by all that someone or something is beautiful (inside and/or out), while authentic all at once. I personally feel though that it would have to do with the output of a kind of aura that just happens to attract men to the source, something that builds more to the authenticity of the person (shrugs) I'm not really formulating anything, or at least it's not well organized but something in there, probably if fixed up a bit, would sound correct.
@CelestDiggory@xanga - There is totally such a thing as "too much personality". Especially at UCSD, there are nerdy people who go beyond embracing their quirkiness / extreme awkwardness... they talk to others about their ridiculously nerdy activities, even if the listener does not care. A lot of my guy friends in my music theory class dislike a particular girl because she just raises her hand to talk about really random things or quip (what she truly considers 'intelligent') ditsy comments (in her very uniquely accented, loud voice). I mean, if you talk to her, it's definitely her personality. But a lot of guys will not dig some girls just because they don't hold back at appropriate times. I've seen the same situation in other classes as well...
How can women be themselves if most of them don't even have a personality?
@CelestDiggory@xanga - the consensus, for some reason, seems to be that the content of my personality is irrelevant--there's just a surplus of it, period, and people can't deal. i have no idea what leads people to this conclusion, but it's what i keep hearing.
man i'm always trying not be like beyonce and nikki... oh wait... my booty's not big enough. fail :(
@beckieintoyland@xanga - "Most guys are horrified by the fact that I actually have a personality."
Okie this is a pretty negative way of thinking about this so that kind of negativity can lead you to have an output of negative aura which be would be a turn off for guys before they even reach the point to consider that you have a personality. So maybe you should look into this sense of negativity as a factor.
To state that you have a personality, wow, good for you, so does that mean the rest of us don't have a personality? Or did you just say it like that out of some sort of frustration towards men, and either consciously or sub-consciously you wanted that tone express when it came to this entry. I honestly believe that to have a personality is what would terrify a guy is such a BS claim as to why a guy would most likely not be interested in you. There's all sorts of personalities, and all sorts of guys who would be interested in those certain personalities, but to say that you "have" a personality is like saying that you have a personality that it is the only one that is of any kind of value, quite an arrogant thought.
So somehow, you end up finding guys that in essence told you that you have too much personality or simply you just have a personality, and that turned them off. Have you considered maybe subsciously that you're attracted to such guys who would think that way (that in your words having a personality terrifies them). This attraction could possibly be because deep down, you want to be able to find a guy that is part of the crowd and that isn't terrified of you "having a personality" or possibly be able to sway a guy to turn from being terrified of you "having a personality" to loving you for it. But however what leads you to such guys or such guys to you, maybe consider some change in aura or energy about you, so that you'd create an attraction from or to you and other kinds of guys that would be better suited for you. Basically the idea that if you do the same thing over and over, you tend to get the same or similar results over and over so change it up if you don't like the current results you're constantly seeing.
I do know intend to undermine you or look down upon you in anyway, but I'm sure that my comment to you, you'd find it to be pretty offensive to you, down right cruel and/or mean, but to basically summarize it all, my opinion is that your comment is a BS claim and if you really don't like the results you're constantly getting, then CHANGE SOMETHING! Do something about it rather than just tell us that guys are terrified by the fact that you have a personality and just leave it as is. If you're gonna end up telling me that you did change something, and that you've constantly attempted to resolve this issue, I suggest you try even harder cause there's really something amiss with that. Anyhow, I wish you good luck.
@tictact0e0@xanga - that's not a "cruel" comment, but it's a pretty ridiculous one.
first of all, don't babble about "negativity". that's one of my pet peeves. (though it would take an entire philosophical volume to explain why.)
second of all... frankly, yes, i do believe that most girls don't have personalities and most of the guys who "shop" for them don't have personalities either. that's to say, most people are pretty bland.
third of all, don't go freudian on me. no. my sexual impulses aren't that self-destructive, and even if they were, how on earth would you know that?
fourth, damn, did i say i didn't like the "results" i was getting? no. i'm pretty much indifferent. even if i weren't, i doubt i'd be able to bring myself to "change something" or "work on myself" in order to get someone to like me. shit, if they don't like me for who i am, then what's the point of having a relationship?
i am an honest, extreme person. this disturbs a lot of people, and many of them perceive it to be a literal surplus of personality. if you can't get your head around this concept, then i can't help you.
goddamn it, why is my comment such an issue? this is getting really irritating.
@beckieintoyland@xanga - You've been in the wrong crowd. The guys that I've been with want me to let my real self out, and when I tell them it is hard for me to do they feel bad and try to embrace all of me weirdness.
@PervyPenguin@xanga - You're lucky you said "most" haha. Because I sure as hell have a lot of personality.
I think the poster makes a good point. I do not know why someone would want to date someone who just hides themselves under something that is totally not them. Sometimes a girl is nervous to let her real self out due to the pressure of the media, but once you let yourself out it is amazing.
women who try so hard to be someone else are just as interesting as women who try so hard to be Original (yeah. this is the mindset of the majority of Americans. you are your own person. you are special. i believe this too, but it's sad how people are limiting themselves with this outlook on life).
women who try to be either are still pathetic. men who try to be either are also pathetic.no one can be themselves w/o the influence of others and the strong influence of media. just accept that and try to understand the person that they hide within themselves, away from public eyes.
however. i don't believe that every person in this planet has a mind worth understanding. some people are just boring. =Pit's good to just not care. go with the flow.
Everyone says they want someone "real" and most of them have no idea how to decide what "real" is and invent a bunch of ridiculous social constructs to determine it. Yes, if you flat out lie, you'll probably be found out eventually, but deciding whether someone is "real" or not has little to nothing to do with whether or not they dress like whatever "IT person" is popular at the time.
@PervyPenguin@xanga - dayum.
I'm not really sure what you're railing against here...is it fashion clones? Is it people with no personality? Is it both?I'll just say that asking women to be "authentic" often leads to boringness. I don't try to be anyone at all but myself, and I end up in hooded sweaters with a pencil behind my ear, talking about engineering and not being remotely charming. I mean, maybe a little. Women are not all these brightly colored birds that make the world around them a brighter place. They're just normal people. And, yes, normal people can wear what other people wear and still be themselves. Just because you wear things that other people do doesn't mean you think like other people do. As they say, careful what you wish for.../Rant over.
Point blank! Nicely described.
@beckieintoyland@xanga - LOL same!
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - Me too. Shyness isn't really that bad. You don't have to worry about going out and meeting people until that first date comes really. I'm not on Match.com though. I went with Okcupid. The thing is though I've met nicer people through the website than I have in person. Which is sad.
@beckieintoyland@xanga - My comment was not intended to be an insult, it was intended to make you put the shoe on the other foot and think about it from an outsider's perspective. Your initial comment is drawing a lot of attention because it was immature and thoughtless.
Point of interest, it's generally not a good idea to poop on the other members of your gender, it just pisses them off. When it all comes down to it, all women are the same in certain ways and different in other ways, and saying that you're in any way better than the rest just comes off as ignorant.
Getting back to the topic at hand, is your appearance and ability to "stand out from the rest" REALLY a factor in finding the perfect mate? Think about this for a second...if you're in a relationship for several months, years, decades, etc, they are going to figure out your real personality eventually.
And yes, every person has a personality, it is simply who you are and how you react to different situations. And for the record, no one has "more personality than someone else." If you honestly think that you have more personality, you may want to get yourself checked for schizophrenia... (Multiple personalities...it was a joke, get it?! :P )
But in all seriousness, first impressions really do not matter when it comes to the long-term goal of finding "The One." If your long-term goal is just to hook-up and have one night stands 3-4 times a week, then I really don't know what to tell ya. Best o' luck, maybe?
You know what? I'm as real as it gets..If a guy doesn't like me because of my personality, I already know there are better fish in the sea that will appreciate me. I've only myself..fuck what guys want...