So, there is guy at the church I attend that I have seem to take an interest in.
I just started attending this new church about two months ago because it was close to my house, but I saw this guy for the first time when I was 12 at a youth concert, but I never really did anything about. As time passed I went to college and recently came back home and decided to attend a church close to home, the where he's a member. I don't really know him personally and I guess the reason I haven't really approached him is because whenever I tell my friends I am interested in a guy at church, they tell him and he ends up not being interested.
I guess I just afraid history would repeat itself.
How do I go about the right way getting to know this guy I'm interested in? How could I approach him to at least become friends or notice me?
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Comments (30)
Why not go up to him and talk to him?
ah. I dunno. I'm really bad at this. good luck. just try going to more events. hopefully he'll be there.
Just say Hi and say hey remember that ___________ concert we met at it was fun wasn't it .... then maybe you could say I think it would be fun to go grab a soda or a cuppa coffee sometime... see how he reacts
Be visible. Maintain a distance that enough for him to take notice of you. Perhaps, a sweet smile would do the initial talking. Good luck!
@Hinase@xanga - Apparently the most obvious and simplest answer is never considered. And not to pick on the ladies, but this topic usually comes from you guys. Shit, my girlfriend got asked out twice today. One of them, she'd never even seen before.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas@xanga - They already see each other every Sunday. The problem isn't that she doesn't get to see him, it's that she doesn't know how to approach him. I know where you're going with that thought though, if they're at more events then chances are they'll interact, but this is a pretty passive tactic. She just needs to step up and talk to the kid. An obvious idea may be to go for lunch after the service.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - I know that. That's why I'm suggesting it =) I've had that happen to me before by random guys at work (colleagues or customers).
@Hinase@xanga - agreed
This might sound crazy, but you could try, "Hi. I'm [insert your name]."
It's church. People talk to people at church all the time.
Do you have Sunday School or something? Maybe you can join his class and strike up a conversation with him. Or if there's Friday night fellowship or anything.
I had the same problem! But then I just started
talkingto him. I didn't ask him out or anything, but we discovered how much we have in common! And I started paying careful attention to his likes and dislikes, and going to his band's shows and such...and now we're dating. =D Because we got close. And it just kind happened!
So just try to be his friend.@makerm7@xanga - Agreed. Whenever I go to a church (which is not very often) I always have random people talking to me.
Just talk to him. Find a common interest to talk about. I met my boyfriend when Is started going to his church in March of '08. He's the one who got in touch with me. But after we started talking we just hit it off. We've been together for a year and 3 months now. Planning on getting married. Haha. Just thought I would share that with you since we were both kind of in the same situation.
Approach him though. The only way he'll notice you is if you make yourself known to him.
Go up to him and say, "Hi, my name is _________. I remember seeing you at xxx concert when I was 12 years old. Coincidence, isn't it?"
You just gotta find somewhere to start.
Well, since your friends seem to jinx it, don't tell them. Then just come up and chat. Ask him what's up, it's been a while. Refresh his memory. Don't be aloof, he'll never figure it out. But get to know him again first. Don't ask him to go out with you right away. Set a day for a lunch to get to know each other. Let it bloom from there. =)
I spent years putting on my "church face" every Sunday when I was a teenager, and although church is probably the best place to find a good man who's hungry for God, there's also a lot of young men who go there simply to find..."prospects," we'll call them.
A lot of christian girls find guys at church and think that because he goes to church, he must be looking for a way to serve God. In reality, however, he could just be looking for a way into your pants.
The point is, you should really become friends with the guy first and get to know him. It's important to figure out whether he's a legitimate christian or just a wolf in sheep's clothing.
One reason things may not have panned out well in the past is that things were coming from your friends, and not from you. It all comes off much more immaturely when we hear about things through other people... it also makes it seem like we're being set up and watched, which can make people uncomfortable, especially guys who may not know you very well.
I say approach him yourself, and leave your friends out of it. You don't need to immediately express interest, just start a conversation. You already have church in common! Ask him what he thought about something that happened at a service, or if he'll be attending an upcoming church event. It may feel awkward at first, but you have to get over that initial hump of starting the conversation before anything can progress. Let it take it's course naturally from there.
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@jeezshoua@xanga - 1) i didn't know churches put on xxx concerts.
2) given the time between then and now(she's at least started college making it a minimum of 6 yrs) that may be a little creepy.
That picture looks like the church I go to. Anyways do you ever seen him outside of school? Or if your church has gatherings after mas you could always talk to him there. We always have brunch after church where most people go.
@ionekoa@xanga - "xxx" concert is just whatever concert that they both went to; I'm not literally saying that the event they attended was hosting an xxx concert. C'mon. Are you serious?
I don't find anything weird or creepy about using that as a conversation starter. Like I said, she has to find somewhere to start. She can simply start off by saying, "HI," but we're just throwing out our ideas for her.
@jeezshoua@xanga - 1) no im not, i'm sorry you didn't get a chuckle out of that.
2) perhaps, but i guaruntee you 100% that if i were to approach a girl and say that i remember her from a crowd i saw her in one time six years ago i would have a restraining order against me faster than you can say "wait, im not creepy".
the best thing i can think of doing is to get a bunch of people to go out ot lunch after church and invite him along. if you make it a weekly thing then it becomes a given that they will spend the afternoon together and they can get to know each other in a safe, non-threatening situation.
@ionekoa@xanga - Really? I had people who come up to me and tell me that they have seen me at so and so church concert or events and then they introduced themselves to me. I see nothing "creepy" about that. But I guess each to their own.
@jeezshoua@xanga - chalk it up to experience and perspective. i've been called a creep just for introducing myself to someone, also for not introducing myself, and for having someone else introduce me.
i suppose it depends on the person. it could go either way "you remember me, that's flattering" or "you saw me one time and have been obsessing for six years". personally i wouldnt advise opening ones self up to that option.
@ionekoa@xanga - In this case, it really depends on the OP and how she wants to open a conversation with the dude. Everyone is different so..