Tuesday, 26 October 2010
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Is the End of the Honeymoon Phase the Reason Men Cheat?
So, I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year now.
We all know about that wondrous phase right? That phase where you just can't get enough of each other. That phase where you just need to hold each other as much as possible. That phase where all the romantic fire in your relationship takes place.
The so-called "honeymoon phase" in our relationship seems to have dissipated... So now what?
Trust me, I love my girlfriend to death, but as a guy I naturally crave affection. Just getting that extra hug or kiss (basically any form of affection) makes the day all worth it, but now that just seems to be gone. It's like a drug, that I'm now being deprived of.
Which has led me to an interesting discovery: could this be the main reason why guys cheat in a relationship? They're no longer getting the drug of affection from their SO, and must resort to any outlet to satisfy their craving. Seems perfectly plausible to me.
You know why I've come to this deduction? This is exactly how I feel right now.
I feel as if this other girl I know is supplying the affection and attention I so desire. We flirt, we talk 24/7, and sometimes I just feel like holding her in my arms, not my SO.
She's been satisfying the craving, and I feel great now that I'm not being deprived. But deep down inside, I feel absolutely horrible. I feel like the most disgusting person alive.
Why am I doing this? I love my girlfriend so much and now I've just gone out and betrayed her trust.
I've talked to her about basically the end to our honeymoon phase. She doesn't think it's a big deal, but I'm on the verge of cheating and pretty much ending our relationship. I want to push this other girl away from me, but no matter how I hard I try, she always finds a way back towards me. It's like one step back, and two steps forward with her.
Has anyone else ever experienced something like this? Does anyone have advice on what to do?
(I don't wanna hear "Just talk it out with your girlfriend," because I've kind of tried that already, and some other things should be left unsaid. Yeah, communication is key, but how bad is it to tell your girlfriend "I almost cheated on you, but I stopped so I hope it's OK.")
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- From: thesounknown
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Comments (138)
guys cheat because they're disrespectful and momma didnt teach them how to treat a woman right.
depending on some people's perceptions, you are already cheating on her emotionally. there are sooooooo many mean comments i can make about you as a person but i'll keep it classy and tell you this: you may not be the most disgusting person alive right now but you are close to becoming one. do yourself and your gf a favor and end it.
Dude, all I hear are excuses.
As a dude, I'm telling you to man up. The end of the honeymoon period has nothing to do with your urge to cheat. Getting the girl is the easy part but keeping your love is what real work is about.
Damn I'm so sick of seeing punks cheating on wonderful women because of "not getting affection." Stop making excuses.
Freaking man up.
@sWiMpRiNcEsS@xanga - @Aaliyaan@xanga - agreed
do your girlfriend a favor and leave her, she can do better. then do the rest of the world a favor and just don't date anymore. then do yourself a favor and do something to help you get over your need to be bottle fed affection.
@Aaliyaan@xanga - 100% AGREE.
After reading this post, you are better off not being in a relationship. Everyone knows that the "honeymoon stage" eventually goes away and that's when a "real" relationship begins. Sounds like you're not ready for a relationship and should just stick to dating. No man or woman deserves a person who is going to cheat on them or is thinking about cheating on them because they are selfish and only want to satisfy their needs.
You sound exactly like my ex-boyfriend right now. He dumps a girl after the honeymoon phase has ended because he found another girl who gave him the honeymoon feeling.
SPOILERS: Don't be that guy. People don't like or trust him very much anymore because of that, and if you love your girlfriend as much as you say you do, then it should be easy not to cheat on her. Does this other girl know that you have a girlfriend? If so, she's a bitch anyway for wanting to hurt your girlfriend, so why do you want that? If not, then you need to tell her.
This line of thinking is all wrong. The only reason any couple has a "honeymoon phase" is because they eventually realize they're not as well-suited to each other as the initially thought. So "Duh!" if you've become less compatible naturally you're less happy in your relationship. Not all people deal by cheating -- most of them just break up and move on -- but people who really like to hold onto what's lost often do stay together longer than they should, and that kind of situation can result in, among lots of fighting and unhappiness, infidelity.
As someone who has cheated, I can only tell you that you'll feel horrible if you do. So don't. Focus all that energy on your SO. Hold her, tell her how amazing she is (because surely you wouldn't be with her if she wasn't), and, hello, tell her you need hugs and kisses. If you can tell thousands of people on the internet that you need affection, it can't be that bad to tell just one person. The most important person.
OH NO BUT I SAID NO SOLUTIONS THAT INVOLVE TALKING TO HER.
Get. the. fuck. over. it. Every real relationship has to have good communication. Obviously yours does not, because you seem to think cheating is better than asking your girlfriend to kiss you more often. Jesus Christ.
ETA: Talk to me if you want to hear a cautionary tale about cheating.@Aaliyaan@xanga - Totally 100% agree.
You always talk about how you're craving your SO's affection because "the honeymoon phase" has died. But have you considered us women? We find the honeymoon stage so amazing too. But it seems like the difference between you and your SO is that she's willing to make a commitment and you're not because you're whining about the affections you CAN'T get. Have you considered that maybe she fondly looks back at the honeymoon stage too? You say you've talked it out with her, but it sounds to me like you haven't listened, REALLY listened to how she's feeling.
And I get it. I get how sometimes there will be days where you wish your SO and you were back in that day, but quite honestly if you're thinking about cheating on her when your relationship isn't even at it's worst, what makes you think that you even deserved her at her best?
@sWiMpRiNcEsS@xanga - Thank You!
The only thing I could think to post to this was GROSS.
@Aaliyaan@xanga - AGREED
What if you DO end the relationship w/ your girlfriend, and start going out w/ the other girl, and the honeymoon phase fizzles out of THAT relationship? Are you going to hop to a different girl every time that happens?!
This is exactly why I hate dating. Guys like you don't understand what its like. You need to learn how to talk to your girl (yes I know you said you didn't want to hear that, but most girls want HONESTY, but your girl should leave you for being such an idiot. Stupid men. You all don't know when you got it good. Final word of advice: You don't truly love your girl if you're thinking about leaving her for another woman or cheating on her.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. I want to say so many honest things to you right now, but to sum it up: You don't truely love your girlfriend if you want to cheat, it's common sense; wanting to bail after the honeymoon phase has disappeared in pathetic, you give relationships a bad name, men don't want to cheat because the honeymoon phase has ended, they are just disrespectful, immature, and selfish douchebags that have been that way all along.
All i see is here is self righteous women who need to get off their high horses, and realize it's not only men that have these feelings. WOMEN DO CHEAT TOO. or at the very leave they think about cheating. Women, do not think for a second you are exempt from this equation. How do i know this? Well, being a women i will never put myself on a pedestal and claim that I could never cheat, based on the simple fact that I am a women. I've known women who cheat, I've know guys who have cheated, and Yes, I have in fact cheated. The feeling isn't something i would recommend, but honestly no one is perfect, and the fact is, if you're not ready for that serious, serious settle down relationship, the urge to stray will be much more prevalent, than if you're at a point in your life where you're ready to settle down.
quite possibly, this guy just isnt ready for a seriously relation ship, and while i don't recommend cheating as a way to get out of this relationship, I think he should end the relationship, and try being single for a while. You're young(most likely) dude. Have fun.
And, you... other women? lighten up, and hop off this guys nuts. he wanted advice, not a persecution!
I think if you were with the right woman the urge to cheat wouldn't creep in regardless of whether or not the "honeymoon phase" was still in session. I think it's apparent that you are pretty done with your relationship.
Give HER more affection too... see how she responds. She might be holding back some because she feels like you distancing yourself. I know I did that in my last relationship... I saw him distancing himself (honeymoon phase ending?), and I didn't want to be the desperate clingy girlfriend, so I pulled back too. It all ended up being a mess and we broke up. Anyway, do sweet things for her and she'll probably do the same back. I wasn't comfortable being my normal affectionate self unless he was being his normal affectionate self.
and NONE of this is an excuse to cheat. There is no excuse for that. If you love her so much, you have to tell this girl to LEAVE YOU ALONE. Period. If you can't, then you don't seem to love your girlfriend that much.
People cheat because of variety of reasons and your reason is probably one of em.
If you had already spoken with your girlfriend and none of you are willing to sit down, thoroughly communicate with one another, and find a solution to fix this issue, I say do yourself and her a favor and move on.
But to be fair, have YOU actually told her that you crave the affection and that you're on the verge of cheating because the lack of it? To fix a problem, you have to be completely honest. If you're just beating around the bush, how do you expect her to get what you are trying to tell her?
If you want to still continue this relationship with your gf, stop talking to the other girl and focus on your relationship with your girlfriend. If you can't, be fair to your girlfriend and take yourself out of the relationship.
It makes me wonder though, what happen if you get into another relationship and the honeymoon phase is over? Are you going to have an urge to cheat as well? I think it has nothing to do with the honeymoon phase. Maybe you are just one of em person who crave and need affection almost all the time in the relationship to be secure about yourself.
You're an asshole, how about you quit being a pussy and dump her? And if you're too scared to talk to her about what's bothering you, then maybe you're just too immature for a relationship!
@paperrcranes@xanga - Cheating is disgusting no matter what sex you are. And nobody is saying that only men cheat, lol, so maybe you should chill out.
@Autumnxx3@xanga - I never said i condoned it, I was saying that all these other people (who it looks like appear to be mainly women) are giving this guy shit and saying he's a horrible disgusting person. I'm SURE none of you are perfect and you've NEVER had any impure thoughts while in a relationship. cause i'm SURE you're all saintly mother fucking teresa. I sure wish i was as perfect as all of you =)
@paperrcranes@xanga - Naw, I'm not perfect, nor am I "saintly." But I would never cheat. :)
And I've never had any impure thoughts while being in a relationship, because I was actually into MY BOYFRIEND. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have been with him!
@Autumnxx3@xanga - I'm not saying anything about whether or not you are "into" your boyfriend. I'm just saying it's also inherently human nature to think about someone else while you're in a relationship. Even just noticing another attractive person, is not uncommon, or unhealthy. I'm married for god sakes, and i've never cheated but i'm also not going to lie to my husband and tell him i don't even so much as notice other attractive people any more. And i know he'd be lying to me if he said he didn't notice other attractive women. It's human nature, get the hell over it.
And i love the past tense "was" and "wouldnt have"
@paperrcranes@xanga - Um I used the word "was" because he's my ex? Haha wooowwwwww, you're dumb as hell.
And I'm NOT SAYING that noticing other people while being in a relationship, I'm saying thinking about cheating is bad. Totally not the same thing, so stop being a bitch and "get the hell over it."
you are a disgusting person. That's wrong. My ex fiancee did that to me. Just come clean and tell her that. I can't believe she hasn't left you already.
That's why relationships end, but not why people cheat. Either way, that's still a pretty immature relationship, if there's nothing past the honeymoon phase. Break up with the girl if she no longer makes you feel fulfilled and you're afraid you will cheat.