Monday, 25 October 2010
-
The One That Got Away? Yeah, I've Been That Girl More Times Than I'd Like To Admit
I had an interesting conversation today with an ex that has me thinking. This particular relationship actually ended amicably. We have known each other since high school, and actually didn't date until years after graduation. We had gotten busy with our separate lives, and just decided to remain friends.
Today, we were chatting on Facebook, and he said, "I beat myself up for letting you go. I never look back on relationships, but we've split up for over a year and I STILL think about you. It hurts."
At first I was sort of shocked, and then my second thought was, "Typical." Sounds callous, but I was more shocked at his show of emotions than his regret. For some reason, I always get that.
I don't keep in regular contact with exs. I can count on two hands the number of relationships I have had. I can count on less than one hand how many of those ended on "good" (or even "OK") terms. But with the prevalence of social networking and the fact that it takes a disaster for me to change my phone number, I get an occasional phone call or e-mail that says those same words, or some variation of those words. I don't reply, or entertain them, but they still come.
Not to toot my own horn, but I am that "ride-or-die" chick. The one that will stick by your side, thick and thin. I hardly love, but when I do, I love hard. It takes a LOT for me to leave.
Funny part is, not long after I had THAT conversation, I got a voice mail from a different ex saying, "I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. You know you were the only one for me. The only one I saw myself spending the rest of my life with. I don't know if I will ever stop loving you, but I just wanted to let you know."
Seriously?
I mean, honestly, it's really irritating from my perspective because I often wonder why the hell they couldn't figure this out while we were together!
I heard a quote once that said, "Life is only lived forward and understood backwards." Hindsight is an ugly predecessor to regret, I suppose.
I am in a relationship now, but I can honestly say that unlike those in my past, he appreciates me NOW. My past relationships are in my past. I won't lie, sometimes a tinge of the old feelings will come back if a memory is brought up, but it doesn't linger, and the feelings aren't for the ex, but for the memory. It reminds me of another quote that said, "A woman often thinks she regrets the lover, when in fact she only regrets the love."
I don't regret any of my past relationships. They hurt like hell, but I can't regret them. I learned a lesson from each one, and it's brought me to the great man I have now.
I know we won't have a perfect relationship, and he is different from any other guy I have ever been with, but that's why I love him so much: because he IS different and in a good way. I can tell each and every day that I don't have to leave for him to realize what kind of woman I am.
I am not perfect. I'm actually quite a handful, honestly. But it's quite refreshing to know that with him, I will never be what I have been for some other men: the one that got away.
Does anyone else have this problem? If you are the one who let someone go, did you ever try to contact them and tell them?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: ThaPlatinumOne@xanga
- Name: Shannon
- About Me: Model, Mother, Student. I hold no punches. Hippie at heart. Hit me up on Twitter! @ThaPlatinumOne
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 15 Views: 0 61218 Comments: 0 541 View all posts by ThaPlatinumOne@xanga
Comments (39)
I get that all the time too. And marriage proposals. Like after 2 weeks of knowing this one guy. I just like uhh sorry buddy, not gonna work. Then they end up all bitter and hating you.
Almost every boyfriend I've ever had has tried to get me back at some point, or at least pulled the awkward "I miss you," card, though it was never like they made a mistake and gave me up, I was always the one to leave.
A few of my ex's have said that to me. It really pisses me off cause I'm the one always fighting for the relationship and they're the ones who give up. Maybe if people didn't give up so easily, this wouldn't be a problem.
@HeLLo_Bianca@xanga - thats exactly how i feel. my last ex is practically pleading with me to give him a chance, but he was the one who left me after i tried to long and hard to fight for our relationship. and now? ... ugh.
@helloworld@lovelyish - if it had been a few months after the break up, I might have given them a chance. But no, they waited at least a year to tell me these things? UM NO. Those feelings are long gone now.
I know how you feel, though I haven't had too many relationships. I'm that same girl you just described yourself as.
i missed one of my ex's, but afterwards i let it go. a few months later he was contacting me to be friends, but he never said he missed me. we are actually okay now, talking once every few months, but part of me thinks that is because i never really liked him as much as other guys i've been with.
the last guy i was with still contacts me. i don't know what he wants though because he never gets farther than saying "hi." i don't respond.
i've only heard it once from one of my exes. it was sad because he was so pathetic when he said it. his wife was pregnant and he was miserable.
I'm not sure why those blasts from the past even happen but they do and I handle them pretty much the same way you do. A little O'really? and then, Oh well, such is life.
HEY ! not to toot my own horn either but Ive gotten that message before. Even from guys who i briefly dated & didnt love. but when i do love, i love HARD.
I've had a few guys contact me and tell me that I was the one that got away. When I got into a serious relationship and these boys started realizing how serious it was, it got a hundred times worse. I never had so many guys texting me and calling me telling me that they were wrong, that they shouldn't have let me go, etc. My now boyfriend actually called me one night and told me I was the one that got away, this was months after we had broken up and months since we had talked. I was kind of furious at first because I pined after him and I called him and texted him way more then necessary because he was the one who got away and I didn't want it to be like that, but I realized this before we even broke up and when we started drifting that I didn't want to lose him. We kept talking for a few more days and worked out the kinks and have now been together for about two years. He is the only person I have ever done this to and would ever do this to.
I guess everybody has one
Though I refuse to send a message saying "you're the one that got away." 
@xx0behindthesmile@xanga -
Curious, why do you not respond to the last guy?
@MOJOJONO_X2@xanga - he really hurt me. it's not healthy for me to answer him, at least not now. and not for awhile.
I have had one contacted me a year later after he left the city we lived in and then came back since his job didn't work out. Another ex told me he wanted to "start over to really get to know me" after he had a couple of relationships ended after we ended. I don't regret any of my relationships, they have made me who I am today.
wowwww. this is the second post i've read of yours today of you praising yourself and basically saying you weren't. lol.
yeah, it usually happens when they realize that their ex has changed for the better, like bill gates probably has a ton of females in his past calling him up professing their "love." they didn't give him the time of day when he was a normal geek but now that he's a rich biatch geek, they want him badly
I question these past lovers or wish they had a chance peoples' sincerity. this guy I've known a few years ago contacted me last year saying that all the gfs that he has had sucked and how come he can't have a gf like me and that's because although they say they want the typical nice girls, they actually want a trophy wife type to show off. he doesn't love me, he just loves being seen with me. the one that got away for me has a fiancee but I don't think they are getting married because who is engaged for 2-3 years? he just put that as his status to please his gf because his insecure gf commented on his page about why he doesn't mention her lol anyway, yeah, I'm jealous and I don't deny it. I'm not going to cross any boundaries though since he is taken. if he changes his mind about marrying her, then he'll contact me. if not, c'est la vie.
@HeLLo_Bianca@xanga - EXACTLY what happened to me. And my ex was the one who kept pushing me to move on too, and now look. I have and he never did. So I guess we got the last laugh? Maybe? lol.
my ex and my current boyfriend both said that to me when i broke up with them.
(got back with my current boyfriend) but yeah, it always seems to be so clear to them in hindsight.When you want it to happen it doesn't. Men have a habit of dropping and forgetting me. My ex hasn't bothered to even drop me a short line to say Merry Christmas or condolences for my brother's passing or anything. The ex can just go to hell. Spending that many years with him was a waste of time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92BVh1Ocjao <----That song by Devil Doll was playing in my head then entire time I was reading this post. Pretty cool song actually....
Great post :) I've never been in your situation as I've only ever dated 2 guys (now married to one of them), but my best friend of 8 years and I always had feelings for each other, but neither wanted to admit it. When he was gone to Afghanistan on his first deployment I ended up getting married to someone I've been with for 2 years and needless to say that made things hard for us. We're always going to wonder "What could have been" and he's always going to be that guy to me. Thankfully we're still best friends though :)
This happened to me JUST last week. I got a message from a guy I hadn't even been with officially. We dated on and off earlier this year and hadn't spoken in three months and he suddenly decided he'd never gotten over me and loved me...what?! And you tell me this now, when I'm in a new relationship?!
Bad timing, and annoying, haha.
Yeah, apparently Im the love of my exes life. I dont miss the empty feeling I had with him alot of the time, I miss the roller coaster of emotions he always gave me. Thankfully, Im not that much of an idiot to give up the best man thats ever walke into my life (and probably ever will) just because of a drama queen who makes my heart race. My SO makes everything else race, most importantly, my brain AND my heart.
It happened to me, but I don't believe "I was the one that got away." People change and things happen for a reason. People just regret what they could or couldn't do while they were in a relationship with you. It's no big deal to me.