Monday, 25 October 2010
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Help! Should I Say Yes?
I'm pretty sure that by the way things are going, he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend. I would say yes in a heartbeat, but he is army and will be leaving in a few short months for a year. I'm not worried about cheating, just being alone for said amount of time.
How am I supposed to handle this type of change? I've only known him about two weeks and we do have a lot of fun and mesh nicely. I would like to meet other people in the area but I don't want to lose him.
If we do become a couple and he leaves, then who knows how everything will turn out.
I don't want to have to wait a year for someone I hardly know who might change while over seas (which does happen with military, often those who go over are never the same). I don't want to spend a year thinking about all the good times if he comes back different.
I'm so confused. What do you think?
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- From: callist0@xanga
- About Me: I write about Love, Life, and Penis. And the lack of all 3 of those inside of me. Follow me on twitter: @callist0
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Comments (69)
regardless of why someone is leaving, i don't think two weeks is enough time to bond with someone in order to survive a long-distance relationship. and as someone who has been in the exact same situation, and chose to be a soldier's girlfriend, i can tell you that you're better off just keeping in touch and letting him know you'd be interested in getting together when he got back. no commitment necessary.
If he asks, just say you would rather wait until he comes back. It's hard to be separated from someone for that long in the beginning of a relationship. In the meantime, you both could write letters while he's overseas and then pick up where you left off when he gets back.
If it was me, if I'd only known him about two weeks, I wouldn't. Like you said, you don't know how he'll change (or even much about him in the first place), and tying yourself down for over a year to someone you don't know all that well may not be in your best interests. I trust when you say you won't cheat, but what if the interest flags? You'll be miserable and feel guilty for even thinking that you don't want to be with him.
If it was someone you'd known for a long time and were close to, that'd be different. When he comes back, maybe you'll be single, maybe you can start something then. He should understand. That's just what I would do- ultimately, though, you have to do what's best for you.
Best of luck.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - @theDevilWeeps@xanga - @prettynpink628@xanga - agree'd. all great advice.
i personally couldn't do it with only knowing him those two weeks. See how things go. Let him know to write you and you will write him back. I can only imagine how crappy it would be to be a solider over there and not have someone special missing you and wanting you to come home.
good luck!
it sounds like you are not ready to commit yet, but there is no gain-gain situation. if you are a young girl, you should date around instead of waiting.
@paulinemalpage@xanga - @prettynpink628@xanga - @theDevilWeeps@xanga - @too_pretty_to_die@xanga -
I agree with all of you..In this stage you're only getting to know each other. In my opinion, its too soon to start a relationship even if he wasn't going away. Like the other girls said, write letters, talk via webcam when you can (if you can idk if they do that or not). Then when he gets back, if you still like each other enough, then go for it! :)
Tell him that you want to wait until you two can have more time to get to know each other.
@heracheung@xanga - I don't think anyone should date around. I've only ever dated two people. And I had serious relationships with both of those people. The first guy I should never have dated him and the second guy I'm still with and I'm going to marry him. My mom and dad wanted me to get to know other people while I was still "single" but getting to know my boyfriend. We weren't official but it felt like we were and it felt like I would have been cheating on him had I gone on dates with other people. I don't date to find out if a relationship is going to work. I get to know the person through talking (not on dates) in groups. Then I decide if he's lifelong potential. Dating just for the sake of dating was never my style.
It couldn't hurt to give it a try. If down the road you realize that it's more work and effort to try to maintain the relationship, then call it quits. Your relationship is still very premature so even if you guys lasted for a few short months, there wouldn't be too much baggage or history to break your heart over. Remember, both people can change so while you may be thinking his feelings might change for you while he's away, your feelings can change for him as well.
@midge4ever@xanga - True but everyone is different. Not everyone wants to look for a lifelong partner right away. You can learn a lot from just dating and it can help you to extract different qualities you would want in a lifelong partner (when the time is right) whether it'd be a quality you like or dislike in that person.
personally, i think you should look for the answer within yourself.
You need to watch the movie Dear John...
Lol, same thing happened to me basically. It lasted two years, and I knew him for two weeks before I decided I would. Yeah, it was probably a little crazy, but who cares. You need to answer it for yourself though. No one on the Internet can tell you what you really should and shouldn't do or how you feel, you know?
Trust me, it's not something you want to put yourself though. My husband has been in the Army for 6 years, and has spend 3 1/2 of those years in Iraq or Afghanistan. The Army is a life all it's own, and if you're not ready for what a severe life change it can be, it will tear you apart.
I wouldn't wait. You've only known him a couple of weeks and that's not long enough to get to know him. Keep in touch, by all means, but I think committing to him now would be a really bad idea.
You've only known him for two weeks? I wouldn't.
@cherryluva7@xanga - I fell asleep on that movie. It was horrible! I actually like the book better!
I met my ex-husband when he was on leave. We only hung out two times before his leave was over. Before he went back, he asked me to be his gf. I said yes and we had a LDR for three years and got married for another three years. Unfortunately, our relationship didn't last due to other reasons.
I believe that if you want to make it work, it will work. But it's hard to date a man in the military with his demanding schedule. You'll barely hear from him when he's deployed or in training. There were many times that I fell apart in our relationship when I wish he would be here with me instead of Iraq, in different countries, or in the field for training purposes.
Seeing that you're conflicted about the ordeal, I would wait until you get to know him better and then you can really decide for yourself if you can have that sort of relationship. When he goes back on base, keep in touch. If you're still interested, casually communicate with each other in every way you can. This can be a little sneak peek if you can handle this type of relationship.
@babixk1umzy@xanga - Valid. I've just never really found the point in dating around. This is just my opinion.
I dated one guy in the army and I loosely term it dating because it was never official. We never dated anyone else while we were talking. We only hung out twice, but our relationship worked very well. The only reason it didn't survive was because he didn't want to hurt me while he was gone for a year or two in Iraq. We ended up talking again while he was there, but it wasn't ever the same. Not because he and I hadn't talked for six months, but because of the things he had seen and done. By the time he came back, he had severely changed and was suffering from PTSD. It never worked out when we talked again because I didn't understand what he was going through. He was online all the time though while he was gone though and so we were able to talk and video chat quite often. My cousin is in Afghanistan and him and his girlfriend talk and video chat all the time, as well. It's possible to make it work if you really want it to, but it would be hard and it has to be something you really want.
It's possible - very much so - to fall deeply in love in a few short months. There's nothing wrong with dating him if you know the consequences. But be prepared that he may also not be as into this as you are, and his feelings might not develop at the same rate. Also, I wouldn't worry a ton about this until you have to deal with it. You need to do what feels right to you; if you fall hard for him while he's home, then go for it. If you date him for a while, and your feelings never get any stronger, then why try to wait it out? You have a few months to make your decision - decide now whether or not you want to try to date him, then when you get to the point where he's leaving, decide then if you are willing to wait. Waiting is hard, and requires a lot of emotion and patience. If you date him and things work / don't work, then you have a basis for your decision. Killing it before it starts might be best for you, though, and that's what you need to figure out. No one can tell you that but you, though. =/
i was in the same situation four years ago. i met a guy, he said he was leaving in 3 months for the marines. i was hesitant, but i fell for him, hard. we've been married for 2 and 1/2 years now. :)
@midge4ever@xanga - yeah of course.I was reading from what the blog said, she said the following "I'm not worried about cheating, just
being alone for said amount of time. she feels a bit unsure here.
I've only known him about two weeks and we do have a lot of fun and mesh nicely. I would like to meet other people in the area but I don't want to lose him.
If we do become a couple and he leaves, then who knows how everything will turn out. "
It seems like as if she needs to see what's out there. I didn't mention anything about everyone MUST date a lot to find out what's right. I myself dated a few times. But I was reading what this young lady wrote in her blog and I feel as if she can't be settled for a guy she knew for 2 weeks and he is gone after commitment. There are a lot of great uncertainty in her blog and that's how I feel, to this particularly situation.
Obviously if love is a yes and no question - a lot of us won't even be blogging.
keep in touch with him over the deployment, support him, but don't wait for him. evaluate the situation when he gets back. good luck!
If you can make a LDR work, go for it!!