Saturday, 23 October 2010

  • I'm Tired of Hurting Guys... So is Dating Even Worth It?


    I'm restless. I detest boredom, and I despise routines. I crave action, excitement, and adventure. I constantly change things in order to stay interested. 

    Sadly, this doesn't bode well for my love life. I will have a really intense relationship with a guy for about two weeks, and then I will be totally over him... and even that is impressive. Sometimes I'm only infatuated with the chase. Once I get a guy, he is often useless. 

    I know this sounds terrible. "What kind of bitch jumps from guy to guy like that and leads so many people on, even though she understands this flaw in herself," you must be thinking.
    Here's the thing: I'm lonely. Every time I find a new boy, I think my emotions are real. I tell myself that this time things are going to be different. This time things will last. I fall totally and completely head over heels for the specific guy. I think about them all the time.. and then somewhere along the way, I get that horrid feeling of boredom.

    I don't know what I'm searching for. I have abandoned some really great guys in the past. It makes me wonder: Will I ever find love? Or am I doomed to be alone forever?

    Please help, the guilt is killing me.

    I'm tired of hurting guys. Should I give up looking for a SO all together? 

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Comments (18)

  • UnconventionalButterfly@xanga

    I know how you feel! I think the best thing is to stop dating for now and focus on yourself and your friends. Join a club, get a new hobby. Make yourself happy :)
  • Hinase@xanga

    Make yourself happy first...then worry about a relationship.
  • ashleybaaby@xanga

    this is exactly how i am , after getting my heart broken 3 times in one year i gave up on guys . i get bored so easily and i don't know why 
  • Spectrophile@xanga

    I think the answer is simple: No, don't give up. I don't think you have a choice anyway. I don't mean that rudely, I seriously mean it. Your behaviour doesn't sound like something that can just be stopped, it sounds hard-wired. Even if you try quitting, you'll drag yourself back proverbially kicking and screaming. This is just my intuition from what you've shared in this article, so I may be wrong. So yeah, just keep at it. Don't worry about anyone else's feelings, finding an ideal partner is like finding a diamond in rocks. Of course you're going to upset a few guys along the way. Who knows, you may eventually find someone who can continually excite you (or at least return to in future), or you may grow to be more tolerant when things become less exciting. Just be aware that having many sexual partners increases your risk of getting a whole bunch of things.
  • kn1ghtviper21@xanga

    You shouldn't give up on love or looking for a SO altogether.  I used to be like you, get bored once I get the guy.  But I've come to learn that no guy can keep you excited forever, it takes two.  Next time when things start to get boring, why not create some excitement for both the guy and you? 
  • P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga

    sounds like you're a player it isn't necessarily a bad thing. it isn't like you're dating multiple people at the same time.  stringing someone along would be more of you're over him, but continue the relationship past expiry date. if you dump him and don't cheat and move on, then one guy at a time isn't terrible;) it is part of dating and seeing who you are compatible with and when you find a right match, then you might settle down. usually the guys that I know are an ideal match but wrong timing because I'm not ready to commit. I'm so used to my independence that the thought of sharing with someone else frightens and overwhelms me. sometimes I want someone else to worry about me but when they do, it gets stressful, like I want them but at the same time, leave me alone I'm a rebel. when I don't have what I want, I want it, then when I have it, I don't want it that much anymore. I drive myself and guys crazy
  • zretrareo27@xanga

    Obviously the man isn't going to be the source of your happiness forever. So you need to be happy on your own, without a man, before you can be happy with one.
  • goddesssx3@xanga

    This is gonna sound horrible, but i do the same exact thing! i lead on plenty of guys. You shouldn't feel guitly about it.


    You're simply playing before you get played?


    i guess...lol.
  • xxnosferatu_alucardxx@xanga

    I don't think you being that way is a big deal. However, you should probably make it clear that you're not looking for anything too serious because life is spontaneous and anything can happen. Be happy. Try to find other things that make you happy. As long as you don't make people think you're not who you are(i.e. not explain to them the kind of life you wanna live or person that you are), it will be ok.

  • anonymous

    you know...people make relationships too much about the feelings. just because you lose the feeling for a little doesn't mean you should dump the person- feelings can come and go. if you want a lasting relationship, find someone who's worth it to you, and hold onto them whether you always "feel" like it or not. 
  • BimmerPhile@xanga

    I'd say you should take a break from dating until you get to the point where you're interested in someone for who they are as a person, not because they're "new and exciting".  You need to take time and find what you want in life since you're obviously chasing something if you have to change everything constantly to "stay interested" - find out who you are and what makes you happy on your own, THEN look for a guy.
  • XxXChimpieXxX@xanga

    I know EXACTLY how u feel.

    I am currently going through this situation - i cheated on my ex to be with a guy i've known since i was a younger...you know, a childhood friend.i swear i love them both --- i bounced back and forth between them because i could not chose. and whenever i tried to chose..i'd get bored of the current and desperately miss the other.
    i suggest taking a break from men, and really get to know yourself. its true when they say you can't love another unless u love yourself. cuz really...i've tried to "not give up" on so's....and so far, even though i keep telling myself to be happy i have a man who loves me in my life, its hard when one day i want to be around him and the next day i need my space because im afraid that i'm going to get bored and want to leave.
  • akatiegirl

    To me, this sounds like you're not satisfied with your own company.  It's okay to be a little lonely now and again...but if you can't bring yourself to spend time on your own, there's your problem.  I think if you learn to make your own excitement--without guys--and to enjoy your own company, you'll find more success.  Stop relying on guys to give you that excitement...because the initial rush only lasts for a short time, and then when it's gone, it sounds like you don't know how to cope.  The problem is that the rush always ends.

    My advice?  Take a break from the guys.  Give yourself six months to a year to get comfortable spending time on your own.  Go out with your friends, but also do things by yourself.  Go to movies on your own, go to a restaurant on your own, things that you'd normally do with someone else, do by yourself.  Teach yourself that you're exciting all on your own.  And once your self-discovery time is up, you'll probably find that your relationships aren't as disappointing, or boring...and that those superficial initial feelings you have with guys will be more likely to become deeper and lasting.

    So, don't give up...just take a break.  That way you won't be hurting guys left and right, and you'll get some quality--and necessary-- you-time.

    -Katie
  • a6luvunot@xanga

    Definitely been on the exact same place... My suggestion would be... give yourself time to actually be truly ALONE.  You say you feel lonely ( so did I), and that would cause you to fall into another situation where you will only momentarily satisfy that feeling ( and hurt someone else).  You need to fully experience the true feeling of being alone.... once you do that and you are able to truly understand what it is that you want... you will be able to seriously find someone that you will not get tired of.  You will appreciate that person.   
  • spinningrealities@xanga

    You sound exactly like my best friend.. and I mean exactly.  He's been that way ever since I met him.  We even tried to make it work three times, but each time, as soon as it was official, he lost the feeling.
  • DrJolly@xanga

    Maybe you haven't found the right guy yet.  :o)  Don't change yourself!
  • strawberryshortcake987654321@xanga
    Don't worry. I am the same way. I've sworn off dating until I understand myself, if that makes any sense to you.
  • anonymous

    Seems to be a lot of advice that it is okay to be that way. It's not normal. It's self destructive. I have hurt some women and just felt awful about it. If there is no guilt about wrongdoing, then one becomes a sociopath. And Karma is rough. I swear whenever I have hurt someone either intentionally or through some character flaw, then it isn't very long until I get my butt kicked in return.

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