Thursday, 21 October 2010
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Overseas LDR's Are So Romantic... Until They're Not
Like lots of couples who do the four-year-liberal-arts-college thing, my relationship with my boyfriend was put to the test when he decided to study abroad for 6 months in Australia. Spoiler Alert: everything went fine and we're still together. So what could I possibly be getting at?
Several of our mutual friends who also went abroad that year, our junior year at college, met new SO's in those countries-- one met a girl in Australia, one a guy in London, another a guy in Spain.
At first, even though I love my boyfriend, I was insanely jealous.
How romantic to meet a foreign man in another city, from a completely different culture, knowing you only had a small amount of time together and filling that time with love!
How completely Old Hollywood mushy it is, writing letters and emails to one another, saving up to fly back and forth to see each other!
And at first, they all loved it. At first.
But seriously, how long can that really go on?
Like all LDR's, overseas romances reach a breaking point. Will you move for me? Who's family would take it worse? Who would have to give up more for us to be together? Can our relationship survive without the breaks? Do I want you full time, or am I still infatuated with the idea of having a long distance, foreign love affair?
The three relationships I mentioned above are currently at the three different places they could be: the Australia couple is still traveling to see one another, the London couple has officially settled into a flat in London together (yes, she moved overseas!), and the Spain couple fell apart, as neither could handle the idea of moving to a foreign country full time.
At the end of the day, I'm happy that my New York to New Jersey commute is all I have to deal with in my "long distance" relationship, because I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle what it would take to move to another country. But what do you guys think?
Would you want to get involved with someone who lived overseas? Would you be prepared to leave your family, friends, and country behind for the one you love?
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About the Author
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- From: KerrSull
- About Me: I'm a 24 year old serial monogamist who oddly thinks she knows everything while continuing to have tons of questions about that crazy little thing called love.
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Comments (21)
I've tried an LDR a few times, it just doesn't work for me.
I'm in a LDR, but it's not overseas. It's still a little difficult since it's a few states. I don't know if I could do the overseas thing. Although I casually dated someone who was in Hawaii while I was in California, that's technically overseas, and then he went to Iraq which is definitely overseas. It didn't work out though because nothing was definite. I think that's a big thing in long distance relationships. There has to be a schedule kind of. There needs to be something to look forward to. Like seeing each other every two months or whatever. It's not always realistic to be able to see someone every few weekends although that would be ideal. You also need to know that you're eventually going to live near each other or with each other and that it isn't always going to be a long distance love. I think if my beau and I decided that it was time to live together or if one of us decided to move (he did live in the same apartment complex as me for a year, but he had to move again) near each other we might choose a completely different state or a different location of one of our own states. I'd rather my parents not think I'm picking his family over mine and visa versa. As for the overseas, I don't think I could leave my country to be with my boyfriend, I'd probably try to convince him to move here.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to move to a different country for love. However, I know several couples that did just that and they seem to adjust well to their new surroundings and lives. My boyfriend just left the Midwest to take a job in Asia today. It's going to be hard but we'll get through it...besides, I love writing letters and sending postcards. =)
I don't think I could do it v_v
It's hard, just like anything long distance is hard. Maybe a little harder than that. It just means you have to appreciate what you can do, and take in stride what you can't.
If I couldn't do it over 500 miles away...then how can I do it overseas? LDR are not for me.
I could do LDR but I cannot do overseas LDR.. as if LDR in the States isn't hard enough.
i'm in an overseas LDR but it's military so it's kinda different i guess. 10 month deployment. but it's almost over! it's definitely still romantic though. :)
My parents wrote love letters to each other from Taiwan to America for five years before they were able to get together in person. Some of the cutest Chinese love poems ever!
I'm currently in one. I'm from Australia, he's American but still living in Japan (we met there). It's not easy and very expensive. We both know the risks we're taking, but don't want to let go of each other yet. We're optimistic but we're not stupid, we know that the odds are against us.
I find LDRs difficult in general, even more so if it's oversees.
@B2yan_C@xanga - That's seriously adorable.
I've done overseas before... it didn't fly like I thought it would. But, I think for future ref, it could be a good test of the strength of a relationship.
I am also currently in one. I am from Hong Kong and mu boyfriend is from Canada. we met in CA. Although now I am studying in CA, we have to separate by the time I graduate. It's hard. Remember last summer while I was staying HK, we used MSN and Skype to keep connecting. ( Thanks for the AWESOME technology) It worked out well but still we really missed each other . But, i have to agree that Overseas LDR is so romantic. haha my boyfriend even said our relationship was soo Hollywood. Anyways, We both try to avoid the fact that I have to leave someday and sincerely hope that our relationship could last long.
'Spoiler alert' -- haha, that made me giggle :)
It's hard for people, you just have to make it work. I'm with a soon-to-be-navy-man (2 more years before he enlists), and we're planning on doing our best to make it work. My mom and dad wrote each other letters when my dad went to America for college (she was in Taiwan for 4 years before she moved over there to attend college too), and then they got married after college :)
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - I agree!
I wouldn't know about an overseas relationship, but I think long distance in general is really hard. I have been dating my bf for a year now, eight months of it being long distance. We try to see each other ever 4-6 weeks, but it gets really expensive and I feel like all I spend my money on is plane tickets. It takes a lot of honesty and trust and at some point one (or both) definitely have to make a sacrifice to move in order to make it work out. It often isn't about how good the relationship is; face it, at 1000+ miles away, how good is the actual relationship? It's really how good the other person is and how much you are willing to give up for love.
My boyfriend's American Korean [we met in Korea] and I'm from London.. I recently had to move back to London to complete my studies... He's still in Korea and in the army. It's definately difficult... but it'll all be worth it when I get to see him again in the summer. In the meantime.. love letters/e-mails and skype dates and thinking of what "care package" to send keep me occupied. Hm love love love.
i really think it depends on which stage of your life you're at. if you're just finished school and looking for a job, moving to a foreign country may not be such a bad idea.
long distance relationships will work if both sides can commit
great! you surely put the right questions! Having a SO coming from a foreign country and culture is undoubtely charming and interesting...but then all those pratical problems comes to surface and I noticed (when I was in a LDR, me in Italy, she in Hong Kong) that everybody (starting from me) tends to be more "jealous" of his life and what he already has where he leaves...for this reason I deeply envy those who found the courage (the "love" matter is...another matter) to pack and leave to reach their SO...
I live in Australia and this one lovely gentleman lives in Minnesota.
We hit it off wonderfully and after about a year of communicating, he came to see me in Australia. He was willing to drop everything to be in Australia with me, but he had to go home and fix up his debts. It ripped my heart out to watch him get on that plane. It tore me apart even further to learn that I wouldnt be able to be with him again untill a bit over a year has passed.
It almost killed me to learn that his ex was breathing down his neck, wanting him back... It got too hard and I was suffering from severe depression (That is still to this day getting treated - I feel fantastic now!) It was just horrible, me crying at home over him, and he is out drinking, 'bumping into' the ex. Way too hard... But if its meant to be, it just happens. And no, I am not with him, and I am not waiting for him. I am with someone alot better and closer to home!