Monday, 18 October 2010
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There's Not Someone For Everyone. So What?
I've known since I was about 14 or so that I probably wasn't meant to fall in love.
I'm a complicated, sometimes annoying person. I am not easy to live with. I don't like social gatherings that involve more than about 5 people. And I really don't believe there is someone out there for everyone. Cynical? Maybe.
But enough about me, let's think about the world at large.
Is someone who is born with severe physical and/or mental handicaps really meant to have someone fall in love with them romantically? What about someone with a severe mental illness? What about someone who is asexual and "aromantic"? What about someone who has more important things to do in this life?
I'm sure many people would like to think that there is someone out there brave enough or strong enough or noble enough to love someone like that. Because if there's someone out there to love someone like that romantically, surely there is someone for the rest of us, too, right? (Besides, how "noble" is it, really, to romantically love someone who can't, never could, and never will be able to give you an equal partnership that involves giving AND taking?)
But maybe there isn't someone out there for everyone. And not just the people who have severe problems, but so-called "normal" people to.
I don't think there's anyone out there for me. And most of the time, I'm cool with it. Every now and then, I'll meet someone who makes me wish I could be with them. And I might even dare to hope it might work out. I dare to give love a chance. But most of the time, I end up finding out this person isn't even interested in me and sees me only as a friend.
I'm reminded of what I have intuitively known since I was old enough to start noticing people in a romantic sense: there is no one for me. I have other things to do in my life, like make my music. When I die, no one will care if I was married or not, but if I'm lucky, my music just might outlive me.
But whenever I tell someone I believe that, they seem to take offense. They think I must have a low self-esteem and need to be reassured. I don't have a low self-esteem. I just have an accurate picture of myself: average-looking, complicated, good at music, but not very comfortable in social situations unless I know the other people very well.
I am aware that there are people less attractive, less outgoing, more complicated, more/less whatever than I am who have still found love. That doesn't necessarily mean I will, too, or even that I want to.
Or they just tell me I haven't met the right one yet. I've heard that so many times, and frankly, I'm sick of it. I don't even believe there is a "right one" for everyone, for a variety of reasons, so someone telling me I haven't met the right one yet makes about as much sense as telling an atheist that they don't believe in "god" because they just haven't found the right god to worship yet.
So, do you find it offensive if someone doesn't believe there is someone out there for everyone? Why does it bother so many people if I don't believe there is someone out there for me? Does anyone share my view?
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About the Author
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- From: EccentricSiren@xanga
- Name: Cheryl
- Location: Quito, Ecuador
- About Me: I am a lover of beauty at my core. I am an idealist trying to live in a less than ideal world. I'm a rebel by my own definition. If you meet me, you'll either think I'm kind of shy or really out there, depending on my mood that day. I love fantasy novels and everything epic. I like to look at ordinary things from the perspective of someone who might not be familiar with them. Anything can bizarre if you look at it that way! I think Monty Python is hilarious. Life is full of humor, and I love to seek it out. I love meeting interesting people. They're everywhere, if you know where to look. I'm hard to figure out...I'm proud of it.
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Comments (87)
It is what it is.
Yeah, I'm a Disney princess. It's so annoying because some of us are slotted for lives that make it so that we can't mate. It's a lot of complicated and stupid unsaid rules but people use that for their power, and we get tired and breakdown. It's like, please get away from me.
I sometimes feel this way, but I still think I'll be able to find somebody to be happy with. I don't think you're strange at all, though. There are other things in life than settling down!
I don't, however, think there's one perfect person for everybody. There are many stories of people who fall in love, then somebody dies (etc), so then they meet somebody else and fall in love again. Nobody will be 100% perfect for you, but when you care enough for somebody, the little things don't matter, so it works out!
Not offended if you think there's no one out there for you, but people who are lonely and single don't like to hear anyone say that there's not somebody for them.
Oh my gosh this is not what I want to hear right now. I totally want someone SO badly right now
I don't believe there is someone out there for everyone. If you aren't meant to get married, you aren't meant to get married. But I also think you know when you aren't meant for something. Like you.
Agreed. In fact, just wrote a post about it seconds ago. After awhile you just learn to be alone.. and accept that. If others find happiness, so be it. I , however , am meant to be single for the rest of my life :)
i don't think there's a "soul mate" or whatever. i believe in finding someone you like enough to be with and/or marry. some people will find someone and some people won't.
i'd like to be in love and get married, but being the kind of person i am, that may or may not happen. you just have to accept what comes your way.
FINALLY someone gets me! I'm just too awkward to be liked romantically. Plus, I have always envisioned my perfect life in the future without a spouse. Single fo LIFE!
i don't believe it either because i know this one person who still single, she's in her 60's and has never been married or will ever marry so in her case, i don't believe there's always someone out there for us.
Yeah I don't believe anyone is destined to be with someone else, you have to want a relationship in order to make one work. If you're fine and fully happy without a significant other, than I don't see a problem with that. Like half of marriages end in divorce anyway, so maybe you're saving yourself some trouble.
i've wondered this about myself many times, not sure if i'll ever find someone, but i don't think i've completely given up hope yet. but this was a good read, well thought-out and well written, thanks!
i'm not offended by your belief, probably since i've thought it so many times myself, but maybe some people would be afraid that you're right and their response would be to react defensively and lash out at you.
I have definitely thought that of myself before as well. I still do every now and then. If I think about it, I've been single for almost 21 years of my life now and I've done just fine. So who really needs a relationship? Yet, there's still this small part of me that gets jealous of my friends and their relationships. So maybe I want one? Haha.
I'm just throwing this out there, but it really bugs me when my friends tell me that I'll know when I'm ready for a relationship or that I have to be ready for one. I'm almost 21. I don't think being ready has anything to do with it. I believe I just have to get myself out there somehow. And yet, I don't. It seems like a choice to me. But whatever.
I know how you feel.
I also don't believe that there's someone out there for everyone. My friends and family have all said the same thing, "You just haven't met the right person yet," but I know deep down that I won't really have someone.
For me, I'm just meant to be single.
I'm not offended because what they personally believe is irrelevant to me and doesn't affect me. I'm a romanticist, so I believe in the one, but there might be several "ones" for me, whom will impact me differently. I don't care to leave a legendary impression on the world, because being a romanticist, leaving just one impression on strong someone's heart that I deeply love even if I'm no longer with him, is enough for me. I met my first one and now onto meeting the second "one"
non-romanticists won't understand my loveydoveyness and vice versa. to each their own.
definitely not offended by any means, but i've never been one to think that. might be my optimistic nature. i don't think you have low self esteem either; i think you just understand yourself and your lifestyle really well and are taking a realistic view at your future.
either way, all the best. :)haha well personally, i find it hard to believe that you'll end up alone because you sound so healthy and balanced that it's stunning no one's fallen madly in love with you so far. when i think of people who won't find love, the ones that come to mind are the ones that are so desperate to find it that they're shooting themselves in the foot.
of course, if you sincerely don't want to, then you won't. and that's ok. i can understand how it would be annoying to have people constantly imposing their conformist beliefs on you if you just don't want that, and that's cool.
falling in love is a decision as well as a feeling. it's important to me, so i always believed i'd wind up with someone, and i have. but it's a choice who you wind up with, and flying solo is a choice, too
Sometimes we wish we could find the right person, but I suppose we don't know what a right person is if we don't date the wrong ones.
Your article is very refreshing. I had romantic wishes at one time or another. But they faded away, and now I am ever thankful for it completely. I just to much of a complicated, obnoxious person to be with, and besides humans annoy me to no end.
Society has taught us in order to be happy you have to be with the special someone, somethings wrong with you. The opposite is exact about you. You can be happy, single, and living it up without having the house, husband and kids to watch over. I like the quiet, and i will love the quiet and the sound of a moonlight night. Without human beings.
Not offensive at all. It's not necessary in any way to feel like we are defined by a relationship status, and even religious groups will hold that being single is a vocation that people are called to fulfill.
The sooner we are content with the lives we have now, the better off we'll all be.
I hope there's someone out there for me. :/ I have the worst case of hopelessromanticitus.
@fairiesmythsdragons@xanga - haha i like that word hopelessromaticitus. how fitting :O
it's an incredibly depressing thought.
you know what? you are absolutely right! there isn't one for everyone, but it's kool though. I have similar experiences you had about being the friend thing. Atleast I know to find my hobbies and focus on success financially rather than looking for love.
disagree. i just think theres people who put themselves in the game, and people who refuse... but if you're true to yourself your spirit and get yourself out of your comfort zone/take chances (widen your range)... you'll find that person. people who stay in their box stay in their mentality and just say 'oohh not meant for me! ' as if someone will be like 'hey a girl!' and sweep you off your feet (which happens to some people, but for a lot of people.. they have to work for it, and if someones not willing to do that and get out there, than oh well guess they dont want it)