Sunday, 17 October 2010
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How To Tell If Your Boyfriend Just Has Girl "Friends"
So recently I started dating this guy. He was cute, funny, and the relationship was totally drama-free: absolutely perfect considering what I went through with my most recent ex.
Here's the weird thing: I met him through my two best girlfriends...who also happen to be his.
Honestly, it doesn't bother me most of the time. Sometimes, though, it gets a tad annoying. Like one of them I know he used to have a crush on and sometimes it seems as though he is flirting with her. I've talked to him about how uncomfortable it makes me feel and he said he would stop. And I talked to her. And you know what? They both apologized and agreed to change the behavoir.
So, honestly, don't freak out about your boyfriend being friends with girls unless signs tell you otherwise. If that girl friend (notice the space) is openly honest with you about your boyfriend and her's relationship and if it seems as though they aren't sneaking around, don't freak out. That's a good sign. If they flirt, you tell them to stop, and they get defensive or don't stop, then get suspicious and start freaking out.
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About the Author
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- From: kyrie1220@xanga
- Name: Chelsea
- About Me: I write
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 5 Views: 0 45645 Comments: 0 577 View all posts by kyrie1220@xanga
Comments (35)
Best girlfriends = he's seen them naked.
/theend.it's hard to find girl friends who are mutually friends with you and the boyfriend to be completely honest about everything. my experience is that once the guy is taken by you, all the girl friends come out of the woodworks and are suddenly attracted to him because he's not single anymore.
YES!
My best friend is a guy. When he and his girlfriend first got together, I think she was truly suspicious and a little jealous of me. We don't flirt, we don't do anything of the sort, we'll just talk nonstop about anything and everything and we've known each other for about ten years. It drove me nuts, 'cause I didn't want to lose him, and I didn't want him to lose her (he's had a crush on her for about three years now). So I decided to back off for a while. Let them be "them".
Now things are normal, she and I get along great, and I think she's convinced that he's more my brother than he could ever be anything else to me - and as his girlfriend, she kinda falls in as my "sister".
@herdaddysgirl@xanga - I really wish more girls were like you. If she is truly his friend and cares about his well being, then she would care about his relationship and want nothing but the best for it. The thing is, many girls will not. Sometimes best friends do flirt, were all human. It becomes a problem when neither the boyfriend of the best friend will even acknowledge your feelings, whether theres something there or not.
I don't like my boyfriend having female friends. Most of the time they're not looking to just be his friend and I know that. I'm not stupid. When their parents kick them out of the house in the middle of the night or something stupid like that they'll call him and ask him to come pick them up and if they can stay the night with him, blah blah blah. Some girls are so stupid. Two or three of them have done that while I was right next to him in my bed. It's like... Seriously?
I would like to make a defense for girls with guy friends. We're not all after your man, I promise. I'm extraordinarily picky, and trust me, if I was interested, I would have moved in on him first. And at this point in my life I'll probably turn down any guy who asks me out anyway, because I am totally not interested in having a relationship right now.
I do tend to be very overprotective of my male friends (because I'm overprotective of my friends in general. Most of them just happen to be male), but as long as you're not a jerk you have nothing to worry about.
@herdaddysgirl@xanga - good for you...granted, I hope you two haven't (pardon the crude language) fucked before....THAT in my eyes would be a deal breaker. I mean its great u backed off for a bit but regardless, in my eyes, if you and him fucked before, calling him 50 times a week is suspicious (not saying YOU did, just saying in general....thanks for listening to my rant even though I don't know your situation.
it's really weird. i usually trip out about my guy talking to other girls and stuff, but with my current bf, he makes me feel really comfortable. when he says they're just friends i don't question it even in the back of my head. i'm so thankful for something so rare like this haha
@herdaddysgirl@xanga - Sounds like how it sound be if you don't have any feelings and if you did then you did your best not to let it come between him and his gf. Good for you =) It's tough but well worth not losing a friendship over.
@i_saw_myself_morior@xanga - lol, NO! We've just been like brother and sister forever. I tell him everything, he tells me everything (except for things that are strictly between him and his gf, which is good). And as for talking, he initiates the conversations, I wouldn't call up a guy with a gf anymore than I would want a girl calling MY bf, lol. I think it helps a lot that she's seen/heard our conversations.
@melodicserenity@xanga - That's what I don't get about these "men and women can't be JUST friends" things! If you truly care about each other, you want him/her to be happy above all else, even if you're not the one that will make him/her happy.
@Hinase@xanga - Don't get me wrong, I love the kid like no other. I don't know what I'd do without him and I honestly don't want to try. That's why I've tried so hard to be their friend, versus his friend.
@herdaddysgirl@xanga - I understand. I've tried to do that too..
@herdaddysgirl@xanga - yeah well just because the girl is hearing all the convo doesn't make the girl any less jealous. But its good that you don't call him like 21 (or more) times a week. Sorry, it just hit close to home cos the same thing is happening to me, except my bf and that girl aren't like brother and sister...they actually fucked. Granted, he never wanted a future w/ her (I know the reasons too) but he always went back to her when he broke up w/ his other girls and wanted sex. But yeah...I mean, I'm like that w/ one of my other male friends (aka like brother and sister) but he's gay...so yeah, no sex between us lol. But again, I don't call him 21 times a month much less 21 times a week. Yeah, kind of annoying. But glad you have the respect for the girlfriend to make sure she is not uncomfortable.
@SodomyClown@xanga - that made me laugh. that is usually the case.
i've always trusted the guys i'm in relationships with (key note: NOT the guy i was just hooking up with for a few months; i didn't trust his 'friends' at all, but that is also because i did not trust him). but if i got suspicious, i would freak. i am a jealous person. i have told guys that. but i guess i got lucky with the guys i dated. and i told them - you cheat, you're done. but none of my boyfriends had best friends that were girls. just friendly here and there.
Yeah, in my group of friends we're just all friends and swap partners every now and then. It's like square dancing. We're all drama free.
I don't see what's so hard about being platonic friends with a guy. One of my best friends is a guy and we've never been romantically involved so no S.O. of ours, past or future, has anything to worry about. I can understand, though, why someone would be worried if we had history, because feelings can easily be brought back when you're good friends.
I think the more established the girlfriend's relationship is with the girl friend, the less likely the girl friend will harm the relationship. With my two best friends, both guys, I will do everything in my power to make sure they don't start relationships with girls who are unworthy of being with them. It helps that there are three of us because two of us can advise against the same person, which will actually get results. If a girl tries to befriend me and I think she's good, then by all means I would support her being with one of my best friends. I don't really have history with either of my best friends, although I was into one of them over a year ago. I wouldn't interfere unless the girl was treating him poorly, in which case the other guy would also interfere.
I'm a gay girl and have gay female close friends. I'm not cheating with them. Same diff.
I'm possessive, so his girl-friends or guy-friends that he spends more time with than me, I'm going to be jealous:X if he wants to hang out with his friends, go ahead, but I can't bear to watch lol
Hey people I'm the friend!!! :D
Lol Chels. Great post. Perf for Datingish!!!
I also admit that I also used to be that possessive girlfriend. I'm over it now. It's so much easier!!
i think you're being just a tad paranoid. i mean, it was a crush. crushes are not a serious thing. i've had crushes on hundreds upon hundreds of girls before. if they were in a previous relationship, you'd have a case. but you don't.
My ex was best friends with a girl. For some reason or another, this girl never spoke to me, and she was CONSTANTLY calling and texting my ex. I never heard their conversations, but I trusted him - it helped that she lived a few states north of us. However, I know they were interested in dating at one point, and when we broke up, she was who he went to when he needed to talk (he didn't go to her to date her, or even visit, he just texted and called a lot). Now that we're thinking of getting back together, I'm not sure I want to put myself into a situation where I can be jealous again - I still am ridiculously jealous of her, because he's very secretive about their relationship. This girl doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. But I trust my ex, and it never drove that much of a wedge between us. Still, I don't trust her, and I'm not sure I ever will.
Thanks for the tip!