Saturday, 16 October 2010
-
Crap... I Love You, But You're So Far Away: When Should You Let Go of Your LDR?
Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for a little over five months now. We're both in school right now, and trying to make the long distance thing work while we're eight hours away. Things were great at first, and it was easy to be apart. Lately, though, we haven't been talking that much at all. Every few days, I'll get a text from him and we'll chat for a while, but not anything super important. Sure, he says he's just been really busy with football and school and stuff, but I'm not sure how much I can actually believe that. I don't really know what's going on between us. I miss him, and I still want to be with him, but I don't know if it's worth it to deal with all of this never talking, never seeing him BS.
Also, I've just recently started hanging out with this guy who really likes me, and I'm starting to really like him, despite having a boyfriend. I feel guilty even talking to him, because I know that I have a boyfriend. This new guy knows I have a boy back home, so he's not going to try anything while I'm still in that relationship. But things are just really clicking with him, and I would love for something to happen at some point. But, I would never cheat on my boyfriend. I don't know if its worth it to break up with him and try things with this new guy, or not. So... I don't know what to do.
Should I stick with my boyfriend, despite the rough patches we go through, or break it off and try things with this new guy?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: alaskaaaa@xanga
- About Me: i do surveys like its my job :)
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2993 Comments: 0 38 View all posts by alaskaaaa@xanga
Comments (39)
If your looking the other way, I think its time to break it off.
If you want to break up with your boyfriend because he's just not doing it for you, you aren't talking enough, etc - then break up with him. Maybe try to grab his attention and tell him how not talking to him is making you feel and see what happens first?
But please don't break it off with your current JUST to get with this other guy. If that's the case, it's probably not worth it. Plus it will create all sorts of bad feelings between you and your current if he becomes your ex... It just creates a mess.
Best of luck, and keep in mind you don't have to follow anyone's advice. Do what you think is right for you.
sure, it's dating. You can cheat.
I’ve been in a LDR for a year now. 3 hours away, not 8. 8 would be too difficult, imo. But..my boyfriend and I go thru the not talkingness often. It is really hard, believe me i know. I have chosen to NOT end the relationship though, only because i strongly believe we will last a very long time and more than likely move to the same city in the future when we are both almost done with college (1-2 years). So ask yourself this; do you see this relationship lasting? If not, break it off now. It isnt worth the sadness you have to feel. Life is too short and if you like another guy, maybe you should follow your heart.
You have to remember guys think differently than girls. To him a few days doesnt seem like that long, to us girls 2 or 3 days without talking might as well be a month. He probably is just busy. talk to him. tell him it makes you sad. if he doesnt start trying to talk to you more, or atleast letting you know WHEN he will talk to you; so you arent sitting there thinking about it constantly..maybe he isnt worth it.
If you see the relationship lasting, give it a try. If you're looking the other way though, it's probably a good chance that you'd like to experiment. So, give it a try. Or, you could try telling your boyfriend how you feel and what's going on!
If neither of you are willing to put in the level of communication that is needed to succeed in a long distance relationship then I would suggest you need to break it off. The fact that you aren't communicating in a regular basis and don't really have anything 'too important' to talk about isn't the foundation for a good relationship, and it just sounds like things have faded out.
I would say wait until the next time you're able to see each other, but lord only knows how long that will be.
If you're really questioning it that deeply, and don't have anything to lose, then I would say break it off, stay friends, see each other when you can, and maybe in the future things could work out. but for now you got to focus on your present and what can be done in your life now.
Break up with your boyfriend. It would be different if you still only had eyes for your boyfriend, but the fact that you're thinking of a relationship with somebody else shows that your boyfriend isn't the right one for you.
it's up to you whether or not u want to break it off. it should be for the right reasons, not just because of feeling guilt over this other guy. i would say make a list of pros and cons with the relationship u currently are in, and also the other guy. but i wouldnt recommend breaking 1 relationship and jumping into another. if this other guy is really worth it he will wait till u are ready.
I suggest talking with your boyfriend and breaking it off. I held on to an LDR for years and years, not taking opportunities with other guys that came along, and I regret that because the LDR eventually came to nothing.
I was in pretty much the same situation a couple weeks ago- I just brought it up with my ex, and he said he was feeling the same way. We talked through some solutions, but we decided to go our seperate ways then, instead of letting it get harder on each of us and ruining the chances of still being friends. I'm really glad we did, because it's a lot less stressful and it lets me enjoy college more, without constantly wondering what he's up to or if he's thinking about me. If we have feelings for eachother at a later point, the option of getting back together is there. Even if we don't, I didn't lose a friend because things got complicated.
So my advice is bring up how you're feeling to your boyfriend. You don't have to mention the other guy, just that you're unsure of the relationship. He might be feeling the same way. Talk through some possible solutions. It'll work out in the end. :)
@drunkdevotchkababy@xanga - I fully agree with this comment.
I should also add to the original poster that a similar breakdown in communication preceded the end of the LDR I was involved in. It was the final straw.
I agree with a lot of the comments above. If you both don't talk anymore and you're looking at a new guy.It's time to break things off.
If you're questioning your long distance relationship...
then it's time to break it off, especially if you're attracted to another.
I am not saying go for the guy,
I am saying that if you find yourself losing your hold on the relationship you currently have
then you have to keep the relationship
instead of truly wanting to keep the relationship. And no one wants to be in that predicament.
I am going through the same situation too, but we just broke up last night, not because i don't like him anymore, it's just because i can't handle the sadness of missing him all the time, and not be able to talk to him often because of the fact that he's too busy in school.
Last night after we broke up, i do feel sad because things didn't work out the way i expected, but in a way, i feel kind of relieved. Because i know i don't have to deal with all the sadness of missing him so much, that i couldn't even concentrate on in school. i really love him, and i know he does too, but breaking up is the best thing for us to do right now. This relationship didn't work out, not because one of us has changed our heart, it's because of wrong timing, and we are mature enough to know that we should put school/work in our first priority. And i also believe that, if this is really meant to be, it will happen again someday.
No. Break up with him. If you're not communicating, you're having such serious doubts, AND you like another guy....cut it off.
To maintain a LDR (like the one I've been in for 14 months) you must communicate, keep the spark alive, and be loyal to each other. Doesn't sound like you're doing any of those things. End it.
My best friend is supposedly 'dating' this guy who lives in the next state over; he doesn't call or text her for weeks at a time and she's told me that she doesn't see the point anymore. His excuse is that he's really busy and exhausted from work. (Well then that means there's no time for a relationship!)
Communication is essential in any relationship, and even MORE important in a LDR. Once that diminishes, the relationship is pretty much dead.
Your first paragraph sounded almost exactly like my predicament about a week-and-a-half ago (except he didn't text me at all). He claimed to be extremely busy with studying for midterms and school piling onto his stress. After a while, like you, I started to have my doubts. With my magic fairy powers, I was able to find out that he was actually cheating on me with another woman.
Now, before you freak out, note that I am NOT suggesting that your man is cheating on you. However, I would listen very closely to that gut feeling you have that's making you start to doubt him. We women have very strong intuitions, and I think that we should always put it to use. If you think something's wrong, then you're probably right.
I don't believe the busy excuse either. with all of these convenient and different forms of communication technology, he can't possibly spare a quick minute to send me at least one message a day asking how I am or telling me sweet things
if he doesn't see the point in even doing simply that and continues to be inconsiderate, then I think there should be a reevaluation of the relationship and maybe move on to somebody that cares more.
im in a 28 hour away relationship and its also tough. have him write you an email everyday or snail mail every week. trust me, it helps. skype is also amazing. if he doesn't have time for those three simple things then thats...sily.
I'm in a LDR that's halfway across the country from me. It's at least 5 states away, if not more. It's a four or more day drive from where I live. Anyways, regardless of distance, a LDR requires an extreme amount of trust. You have to be 100% certain that he won't do anything to jeopardize that relationship. It is more than clear to me that that trust isn't there. I do not wish to say that he is cheating on you, but listen to your gut reaction.
Plus, you're starting to like another guy. Even without that, the communication just isn't there hardly in the relationship you are in. Communication is number one key. You can't have a relationship with anyone of any kind without some major form of communication. My fiance is busy in the service over where he is, but he makes time where he can to talk to me. There are tons of forms of communication. If he can't find any time to communicate with you somehow, then there's no time for a relationship on his end at the very least and you need to find someone else who can fulfill that role.
I've been in an LDR off and on for almost two years, the long distance part not the relationship part, that's been on the whole time :) Him and I are kind of going through the same thing right now, but I think we're about 30 hours away from each other. It is, of course, a very difficult thing. I don't think the distance actually matters, no matter how far the distance it would be hard. We don't talk as often as we used to and when we do it's just a quick few texts before bedtime. I think if it was 5 months into the relationship instead of almost 2 years, I might just end it. Especially if I was attracted to someone else or I found out he was attracted to someone else. I don't really believe these things about how if he doesn't have time to talk to you, then, he's doing something wrong. Every relationship is different and there's no way every single person (including me) can know exactly what different people are going through in long distance relationships. If you really like him and you're willing to work with it and keep it going then you should, but if you're having doubts this early in the relationship it might be better to call it quits for a little while at least until you guys have more time for each other and to get to know each other.
Let me guess, this is an Anchorage-Fairbanks thing? lol, maybe, but guessing by your username it must be.
I have known a few people that made it through that and a few who haven't. I was in an Alaska-Maine LDR for about 9 months and decided to break up about a month before we would be in the same state again. I am currently with a guy who works on the slope, so 3 weeks at home, 3 weeks away, and thinking this one will make it through the long distance part since he plans to be back in town full-time in less than a year.
If you guys aren't talking, then I would say break it off. If you can establish a connection again though, the most important thing to do is to look at the costs and benefits of the way things are right now.
Is the sadness of being physically alone outweighed by the moments you have together?
Does phone contact help ease the pain a little?
When you are together full-time, will the suffering be worth it?
Are you spending enough time having fun with your friends?
I constantly ask myself these questions and it is kind of just a game of weighing the pros and cons of your current situation. I also consider my functioning when we are apart. If I am not at at least 75% of the way I am when we are together, then I won't go through with it. Everyone has bad days, but if you are having more bad days than good days, then it may be time to rethink things. Hanging out with this new guy sounds new and exciting for you, and maybe that is what you need right now.
hm, if your boyfriend isn't paying attention to you, then he's probably thinking of breaking it off too. Guys aren't usually distant for no reason. I would beat him to it and date the other guy.
Break it off--if it's meant to be he'll still be there. When you're in school its a time to learn and grow.
If you are trying and he is not putting any effort into it, and you like someone else then break up with him. Long distance relationships NEVER last either....