Wednesday, 13 October 2010
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Dating Outside The Box
The other day in class, my professor was making a point about my generation. She said that our generation is the "generation of tolerance."
I thought about it. Our generation has definitely been more open and accepting toward groups of other ethnicities, religion, sexual orientation, etc, than our previous generations. (I'm NOT saying that we are 100% tolerant as a generation because there still are people who feel otherwise.)
Since we are becoming more and more tolerant, MORE people are dating outside their own races, cultures, religion, etc.
Even the other day, there was a blog talking about being attracted to the people that "don't look like you." (See Attracted to Differences.)But what happens when families get involved?
Now, I'm in a very fortunate situation. I'm Catholic and my boyfriend's Jewish, but our families are very open and accepting of our relationship. We don't fight about religion, and we even help celebrate each other's holidays.
But I know a lot of people who DON'T have this ideal situation.
Growing up, some of my friends (all from different backgrounds) weren't allowed to date anyone that was of a different race, religion, etc. than them. Their families were more "traditional" and wanted them to find a SO that would be the same as them.
In one instance, one of my friends was kicked out of her house because she told her family she was in love with a girl.That's so wrong.
I think families should be supportive of their children. You can't always help who you fall in love with, and they shouldn't be punished for not loving someone "like them."
Even today, I know people who live on their own, but their parents aren't talking to them because they're dating a white guy, an Asian guy, etc. My one friend explained to me how her parents have disowned her until she stops dating her boyfriend.
Why should you have to choose between your heart and your family?What do you guys think? Do YOU date outside your own "box?" Is your family accepting of your SOs? Do you know any situations where families fight over their children's SO?
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- From: Manny
- Name: Manny
- About Me: I'm just your average 21 year old college girl who overly analyzes love, relationships, and sex.
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Comments (62)
My family pretty much accepts anyone that I date. They really have no problem with the guy unless he treats me bad. Then they have a big problem.
I am an equally opportunity dater. I have dated guys that were black, white, Hispanic and pretty much anything else you can come up with. What they are isn't as important as who they are.
I'm not usually attracted to guys outside my race, but I'm not opposed to dating a guy who is. I don't care TOO much about religion, but my being an atheist might make it a little difficult to date a Catholic, for both sides. I'm sure I'll want an atheist like myself in the long run, because another atheist would be more likely to share my beliefs on other things as well, but it shouldn't be a huge issue unless our ways of thinking made it impossible to agree on ANYTHING.
honestly, the only dating area i'm not tolerant of is religion. i would never date someone who, for example, firmly believed i was going to Hell because i was not a member of a certain faith. but really, anything else goes.
i definitely have a type, though: pale, skinny white guys who are more geeky than preppy ;) it's not so much that i refuse to date anyone of any other race, status, etc. they've just never been the guys i was attracted to.
You should choose the person that would never force you to make that decision. If they love you enough, they will respect your decisions & your rights & would never make you choose between them & someone else. That's just cruel.
Which generation?! Because looking at some of these -ISH sites the judging and criticizing says differently.
I'm dating someone outside my race and my family and friends are all fine with it and sometimes I even think they love the guy more than they love me haha!
My last love interest was Hispanic. (I'm of northern-european decent.) No one involved had a problem with my interest in him. My family all thought he was really cool. It didn't work out and we never officially got together, but it wasn't because we had different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds. It was because he was still in love with his ex and then had the chance to get back together with her.
But I am very open to dating someone from another culture or ethnicity or religion, as long as I felt we were compatible and agreed on important issues. For instance, I could not date someone who believed in traditional gender roles. That would be a problem for me. I also couldn't date someone who belittled my beliefs.
At this point, I think my family will be happy if I date anyone
I'm dating outside my race and my parents are not ok with it! They keep telling me all the struggles we will have to face but in our society there are no struggles, but in thiers there was struggle.
They have banned me from seeing him but I have been sneaking around behind thier backs for almost a year now seeing him any chance I get.
Whether they like it or not I'm happy!
i'm dating outsdie my race, and my family's totally fine with it.
it can occasionally get awkward with my extended family and everyone trying too hard to be politically correct and non offensive, but it all works out :)
I'll date anyone I want because I live on my own. I don't think it would bother my parents, but definitely my grandmother who's more old fashioned.
I've dated guys of other races, but not of other religions. Not to say that I wouldn't have, but I always considered dating to be preparation for marriage. Casual dating was short-term for me, if I was in a long-term relationship with a guy, I had to know that marriage was potentially on the table. And I always knew that the man I married had to have religious beliefs similar to mine, so I wouldn't have wanted to get into a serious relationship with someone who had other beliefs.
My parents would kick me out of the house too if I suddenly started dating a girl, they're very conservative and traditional.. but I myself am straight so that's avoidable.
Well, currently I'm dating someone within my own race and speaks my own language. I'm all for interracial dating but I'm more attracted to Chinese people than others though.. that's the only race I've dated. As for religion, I'm not religious but both my ex and my current bf are Christian. I know they'd want me to be Christian too, but they can't force it, but at the same time, I respect them for their religion, and in return they respect me for not having one either.
I think you can casually date whoever you want, but when it comes to marriage and serious relationships leading up to marriage, certain values have to be non-negotiable. For me it's two things- culture/race and religion. Not only am I looking for someone Chinese, he has to be culturally aware. He should also be Christian. The only exception at this point in my life is my ex, who is Asian/culturally aware and believes in Christian values without actually being Christian. But his case is extremely rare.
Also I think your standards have to be self-imposed and not imposed by your family. Unless you truly want to do what your family tells you, they really have no say.
I'm not dating someone who is outside my race or religion, in fact, I think we are both Catholic, but neither of us is super religious and neither are our parents so it hasn't really come up. We come from severely different upbringings though which I think is one of the many reasons my parents don't like him.
my parents only care that the person i'm dating is a good person. they could care less if he or she is black white asian mexican etc. and when i'm dating or with someone, race is not a factor. neither is religion, unless they try to convert me. i admire strong religious values but don't try to force them on me, i'm pretty set in my ways lol.
I've always been open to dating outside my race since I was in the 7th grade. Most of the women I'm attracted to are outside my race.
If my family ever tried to discriminate against someone I was dating because of race, religion, or anything else, I would disown THEM! I've never dated someone too different from me, but I know that they're the kind of people who don't do that.
My husband and I are of different races. My family and him are of the same religion and his family is of a different religious background.
Anyways, I think race really doesnt matter, but I do think religion should play a part in choosing your long term relationships. Mainly because when you have kids, there could be a conflict of how you would like them to be raised and what type of beliefs you want them to have. I'm not saying that it wouldn't work out if they were of different religions, but it would be a lot of work.
My parents would be pretty hypocritical if they were against me dating someone outside my own race. After all, my mom is Filipino and my dad's Italian. :P
Of course he can change.
Temporarily of course. He will go back to his habit eventually, because let's face it... people don't change.
Or he will tell you he's changed and not tell you he really hasn't.
Sorry for the negativity. I guess you can say I'm bitter.
I do, and the fact is somewhat obvious on my blog. I was raised to be openminded, accepting and tolerant. With that said, it's safe to assume that most of my family are okay with me dating outside the box. The only ones that aren't so accepting of it are those of my grandparents' generation and the generation before them that are still living today.
Yup my bf is filipino and I'm black hahahaha. My family is pretty accepting, but uh I think his are ehh.... :/