Tuesday, 12 October 2010

• New Relationship Advice Column! "Dear Kerry"

  

  Editor's Note: This is our new advice column, featuring the awesome advice from our experienced advice columnist Kerry. Email Kerry with your dating and relationship Q's at DearKerryAdvice@gmail.com, and she'll pick her favorites to run on Datingish.

  Dear Kerry,

  My story is a story of sex gone wrong. I broke up with my boyfriend of six years a couple of months ago, and have been seeing someone new for only a few weeks. I really like this guy, so much so that we didn’t have sex until a few nights ago.

  However, I haven’t slept with anyone but my ex in a long time, and while we were doing it, I accidentally called him by my ex’s name. I wasn’t sure at the time if he noticed, so I didn’t bring it up again, but now he won’t answer any of my calls or texts. I thought I was over my ex, but does this mean that maybe I'm not? What should I do?

  From,

  Name Caller

   

   

   

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  Hi, Name Caller.

  Don’t fret too much, love. This is a classic slip and has certainly happened to the best of us. There are a few things, however, that you should probably consider before jumping in the sack with another unsuspecting victim.

  Six years is a long-ass time, so don’t beat yourself up too much about associating the no pants dance with your ex. After that amount of time dating someone, it’s totally normal to have feelings of attachment, and just because you aren’t together, those feelings don’t magically disappear, even if you like a new guy. If you’re every girl I’ve ever known, I’m guessing right about now you’re considering calling your ex to either:

  1. Blame this on him.
  2. Set up some meaningless non-make-up sex.
  3. Breathe frantically into the phone, give the ear piece the middle finger, and bail.

  Just chill it down though, and take a breath. Don’t involve the ex in this, because it’s really about you, not him. A few months is sometimes not enough time to be ready to involve ourselves intimately with someone new, especially someone we may have feelings for. I know it probably seems like your feelings for your ex are cropping back up again, but not being ready to start another relationship does not mean you're not moving on. We all move at our own pace, doll, and rushing yourself will make this process that much more complicated for you and the new dudes in your life.

  Now, if you really like this new guy, give him some time to cool off. Calling him by someone else’s name, in his mind, is probably a lot like a figurative castration. Honestly, you probably were not ready to take the next step with him yet, so you shouldn’t be too surprised if this is something that he can't get past. In his mind, he might see this as a sign to escape before he gets hurt. Let the ball be in his court, and hopefully he understands enough to realize that it was an innocent, mindless mistake.

  In the meantime, just take each day as it comes with your focus on you: on moving on from your last relationship and being comfortable with your new independence. And when the time is right to start having an intimate, sexual relationship again... you'll just know.

  Do you have a dating or relationships question, and want advice from someone who has done a lot of dating? Dear Kerry is for you! Email me at DearKerryAdvice@gmail.com and your question could be featured on Datingish.
  

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