Monday, 11 October 2010
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Our Relationship with Datingish
For the past 3 years, Me and "Kris" (who has multiple account) have been in an amazing long distance relationship. Before we was even in a relationship, we would get together on Skype and talk for hours on end.
One of the big things we used to do in the earlier years of our relationship, was to get on Xanga, look around Mancouch, Lovelyish, ireallylikefood, HardestLevel (when it was alive) and most importantly, Datingish. One random day I was reading a blog and shared the link of the blog with her, she read it and made an opinion, I said mine, and that was that. We continued to do it daily with many many debates, small feuds, and lots of comical moments full of genius perversion.
For the past year (or 1.5 years), the discussions over the blogs of Datingish have fallen to a stall. It is the same problem for ALL the "ish" sites, but Datingish was the most liked by both of us for discussions and debates. Before we could go on for hours on a single topic because it was compelling, controversial, or sexual or just...good.
Now-a-days, Datingish, you are depressing. Your blogs have literally fallen into a pattern of crap.
Want me to summarize what ALL of your blogs are now?
- # of [blank(s)] that help you [blank] of [blank]
- # of [blank(s)] reasons that you should [blank]. Usually filled with reasons that everybody knows, and has nothing but people commenting by agreeing... except those few who are compelled to disagree because ONE THING IS WRONG.
- "I AM INCOMPETENT! PLEASE SEND ADVICE!" Followed by 30 comments saying the same shit over and over and over...whereas my history of comments were somewhat agreeing, but outside the box.
- "I am me, and I love me, you should love yourself for the same reason" followed by comments saying "YEAH!"
- Misleading Titles
- Comical List
- FML Friday
- And finally...the worst of them all...Facts that are interesting, but not useful...at all. In the form of a list. Then comments of disbelief, wondering how they got that result.
Yes, there is other blogs that don't follow the "House of CommonBlogs", but those can even be uninteresting, unentertaining and...just bleh.
Datingish... it isn't you, its your supporters. I'm sorry to say but whoever is sending you blogs just isn't do it for us anymore. The closest to a good blog that has come up within the last month...was the one where an author had to apologize to the people for an inappropriate blog (which I didn't even know about).
Maybe we've just been spoiled by good blogs and now the rest seem to be running on? I find it unlikely though... There is a reason that so many are starting to say the "ish" sites suck. Even if its been a long running suckfest to some, it was good at times.
Do you agree that Datingish has lost its ways? Is it just the support that has run dry?
Blogger's Note: As commented where this post originated at, I am not trying to be completely bitter, but this is the honest feeling towards Datingish and the content being submitted to the site. The site may not be intended directly from it, and the blogs may even be good...but nothing that causes me to really think, talk and want to discuss as if it were a forum. Which is frustrating.
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About the Author
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- From: Icecold4u@xanga
- Name: Johnathan
- About Me: Anything you need to know, go ahead and ask. I'm not the most open book, but you are welcome open arms.
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Comments (27)
How about instead of complaining, we offer suggestions to make Datingish better? Or any of the ish sites?
I like well-researched, well-written content that is factual and entertaining without trying too hard or being inappropriate.
I don't really care for much of the content lately, since a lot of it is either inaccurate or offensive.
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - @Hinase@xanga - preach my sister nuns preach! I shall stroke my rosaries for thee...multiple times.
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - I agree. If they are going to write on a subject, they should provide links to it, so we know they aren't making it up.
Let's try not clog the feed with the same posts over and over again, on the same subjects. Let's try a little more variety. And since the commenters demand, post a good entry with good grammar or else people will complain and be grammar nazis. I'm tired of hearing/reading about people talking about the mistakes and typos. And let's not write posts/accept that could hurt or demean people in anyway either. And make sure if a post that goes through, is edited finely and not heavily butchered because I did encounter a post on Daingish that was butchered to pieces and I just got lost on it.
Try to encourage more people to submit/find more reasons to keep people coming back. And adding new features to Datingish? Or mix it up or whatnot. Because everyone loves surprises =)
Those are some suggestions..I'm sure there are more somewhere.
I'm glad a post of this nature went through, because it helps all of us who write here try to get better. I'll try to touch on a few of these points, although I can only speak for myself as a writer, and not everyone at Datingish.
Hopefully you guys will all be happy to see a few new features that are coming up in the coming weeks and will enjoy the changes they bring to Datingish. I am personally REALLY excited about one I've been working on!
It is difficult not to write things that could potentially upset people, because everyone has personal opinions on sex, love, and dating, and reacts to certain subject matter in different ways. Unfortunately, stereotypes, labels, and things of that nature are issues that all daters face, and while we still should address these issues, we should all be conscious, both in our posts and our comments, about sensitivity to others.
Finally, I know on my own posts, I always try to include a link to whatever outside source I've used as a reference for the post. Some are personal opinion pieces, which research wouldn't do much good, but for my outside sources I am careful to include those so you guys have an opportunity to see for yourself where I'm getting my facts. We need to all be careful to read entire posts before we judge them. I know I am guilty of that sometimes, too. Skimming is no way to judge a writer's ability.
Whew, that was long.
It would be great if we could find in these comments some topics you guys are craving to read about that you think we've overlooked in recent posts. Or, write a great post of your own and submit it!
Thank you for your input, everyone. One of the challenges in running a dating site is that you absolutely cannot avoid repeating certain topics. Try it yourself: make a list of 50 different topics related to dating and see if you have no overlap. It's harder than it sounds! And we're doing more than 50 posts each week for sure. Whereas some of the partner sites are multi-variate and can cover a spectrum of topics (Mancouch, Lovelyish), Datingish has a narrower focus and thus somethings will repeat. I echo Kerry's point that we do welcome feedback and we're always looking for interesting user-submitted posts to run!
@Hinase@xanga - @SeeBeeWrite@xanga - i'm curious, can y'all give me some examples of us not providing links and facts. i'm not trying to be confrontational or anything, i'm just a little puzzeled because i know i always include links in my posts and i can't recall any factual articles where we don't provide a link. and, honestly, i know i do a lot of research for my articles, often using news content as a source.
9. Bitching about Datingish without stating suggestions on how not to BE what it is you're bitching about ... oh wait. Shit, I've Britney Spears "Done it again" I'm such an idiot. I should think before I post...
To all that complain that I didn't give any suggestions, maybe come up with some on your own besides complaining that I didn't make any.
Side note, where this is posted (my site) I actually gave some suggestions to TheCatInTheCradle, I just didn't edit the post to include them. I wanted to leave the post as it is and add a blogger's note.
@Icecold4u@xanga - can you provide links to any articles that you've liked recently? the more positive feedback we get on one article the harder we try to provide that subject.
but, if you haven't noticed, our readers are pretty hard to please and often the most popular posts are things you wouldn't think people are interested in
Thank you for your opinion on the content!
First of all, however, (and I'm not trying to be petulant or obnoxiously defensive, but trying to explain what we go through as editors) Datingish is comprised of content written by members of its community. Yes, we have a few interns who write several posts per week within the constrictive topic of dating, but we also have contributors who submit their private blog articles.
When we edit, we try and represent the community as it presents itself to us; we like to make you feel like this is as much your site as ours. I truly apologize if what we have been turning out lately has "literally fallen into a pattern of crap." We'll do our best to remedy that. A pile of crap is pretty much the opposite of where we'd like this to be.
I feel the same way. I don't contribute very often, but when I do I try to talk about something that isn't talked about a lot. About a year ago or so I wrote about Japanese host clubs, which many readers seemed to have found interesting. It's hard for me to write about topics like that because some people just don't understand things from a different culture and make assumptions about it, but others do like to learn new things. It would be great if we could get more posts about dating, love and relationships in a variety of other countries.
@TheCatInTheCradle@xanga - I agree with you, your posts always include links, and I know this because I click on them. :)
Also, I do find the material that has been covered lately a bit redundant, but I'm still a big fan of datingish and look forward to you guys providing more content that can be discussed and is relevant, new and informational.
@TheCatInTheCradle@xanga - Well, there' that post about the Duke list in which the author claims that the student published the list herself, while the links provided clearly state that she did not publish it, which is a big oversight when you're asking why it's different from when men do it.
Also, articles with titles like "Excessive PDA: You Look Like a Slut". That is offensive. We all know that title does not refer to either the man or woman. It's a word used primarily to describe women.
Then I remember an article where this girl thought that because her boyfriend wanted to stop using condoms, that he wanted to have kids. The post was barely coherent, whether it had to do with bad editing or was the author's problem. It made almost no sense.
Those are some that stick out recently.
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - often, we are put it a weird position because we know that what a reader has written is simply incorrect. you have to decide how radically you want to change the content. if the fact isn't hurtful or somewhat minor, i keep it because i know xangans will tell the author that they made a mistake in the comments. the duke list was written by a member of the community who just wasn't a close reader, but at least she had some idea of the what was going on in world news. i also went out of my way to include several links that could help the community and i really don't see us making up facts without providing things to back it up.
i agree that the slut title was extreme and i'm not a fan-- sure it gets your attention, but is false. however, the content wasn't railing against women and was nicely done (this is the only example provided where an intern wrote an article and she did not give it that title). yes, calling someone a slut is primarily a way to shame women, which i--and anyone-- should have a problem with, but it does not need to be a word designated for our gender. it's very much a perception thing and i've heard many men called sluts.
i don't personally recall this condom article, but i'm sure it was a community member. once again, we are in an awkward place-- people get pissed off when their stuff isn't published or it is heavily edited. but you know what? a lot of user submitted content is simply not coherent, riddled with errors like were/ where, all in lower case, and repetitive. in a lot of cases, you have to just delete the submission. however, there are the lukewarm ones that one editor might delete or rewrite, and another lets it through. i agree there is an issue with quality control but as a site that published about 60% user material, we can only give you what you give us.
Thank you for your opinion! It's good to hear what the readers have to say, even if it isn't positive. We are starting up new features on the site, so that should be a good start to break the monotony you're talking about.
As a writer, it's difficult sometimes to come up with posts/ideas that haven't already been done at least once. I'll try harder to make my own writing more thought provoking and less fluff.
I'm sorry your experience with the site has turned sour. We'll try our best to fix the problem!
Also, @SeeBeeWrite@xanga - I'm responsible for the "Excessive PDA: You Look Like A Slut" piece. I'm sorry for it being offensive. My original title was "Excessive PDA: Keep It Classy," but I changed it so that it would grab more attention. I didn't mean it to be insulting to women because I refer to both men and women as sluts. However, I completely understand that a lot of people would see it as more of a reference toward women. I truly apologize and accept full blame for that. I will make sure to make my posts less offensive next time!
And titles. Apparently, I'm not big fan of the titles that are used by the Datingish or Lovelyish team when a post is submitted. I've gotten a bit upset when I submitted post and the titles were a bit screwy and a bit misleading.
And try to submit good material from just besides a few people. I've noticed that too. Editors can add some posts too, just not all the time. It's nice to see different posts from people. You know what? I think I have a post in my mind...I think I'm going to write it!
@Manny - I recognize that usually the titles get changed, and that one was completely irrelevant to to the article, which made no mention of how PDA makes people look like sluts.
girls are picky bitches. we'll never be satisfied.
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - You're absolutely right. It was a bad decision on my part. I'll make sure that if I change the title next time, it will be more relevant to the post. Again, I apologize.
@Hinase@xanga - the term "editor" is misleading because technically there is only one, the person who runs the site. everyone else is an "editorial intern," so their only real job is to write and because they are required to write a few each week, you see their name a lot.
it's not that we don't run community articles. we love community articles. but those are usually the ones who have the most errors, are repetitive, and are no coherent. so it's one of those things were we are screwed if we do, screwed if we don't.
@TheCatInTheCradle@xanga - Oh I see. I wasn't aware that the rest of you guys were just editorial iterns. That probably clears up a lot for me.But that makes sense. I wasn't sure how everything worked but thanks for clearing that up.
I know. It's damned if you and damned if you don't.
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