Monday, 11 October 2010

  • How Is My Marriage Going? I'm Getting A Divorce!

    As I was checking out the site OMG facts, I came across a rather interesting fact:

    Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%. 

    Percentage of American women who say they'd marry the same man: 50%.

    I have to admit, I was amused at first when I saw this statistic. I was unsure of how accurate it really is, as it is an old post and they didn't give a link to a source in the post either. What it did do, though, was get me thinking about marriage, and divorce in general.

    What causes so many? 

    1) Women saying yes too quickly? Surely most, if not all, women think about their wedding their whole lives. Ever since we were little girls we dreamed of what our dress was going to look like, what season it will take place, color schemes, the works. All we really need is somebody to get married to. Is it possible we get too caught up in this "wedding fever" and say yes to a relationship that has too many problems? Or a relationship that we have rushed into, that we are not ready for? 

    2) Children. Another factor is if children are involved. It's often thought that if a woman gets pregnant by her boyfriend, they should marry because "it's the right thing to do for the child." This, I think, often will break these relationships apart. Especially if they are young parents, they may be unfit to handle the stresses of a child while they are still children themselves. I'm not saying this group cannot handle a child, because I know some can, but most lack the experiences (and finances) that would help them along. 

    3) It's expected. If you are in a long relationship, say 3 years, people will most likely start asking the woman where the ring is, or ask the man when he's going to settle down. Marriage shouldn't be a rushed thing. Everybody is different. It could take less than a year for certain people, or 5 years or longer for others. 

    Original post

    What are some of your theories on why divorce happens so often?

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Comments (34)

  • Wait_by_Moonlight@xanga

    Nah, I think it's more people forget the #1 simplest rule of relationships: You have to talk.  About everything.  And especially anything that's bothering you.  Only then will a marriage last.
  • Hinase@xanga

    Because people get married too young and aren't mature enough to handle it. Or they grow apart, or that they never really loved each other. Those kinds of reasons.
  • xxsquirrel324xx@xanga

    Well, an individuals' emotions are dynamic, and over time people change and so do scenarios. They may fall out of the love with their spouse or feel the grass is greener on the other side in single-dom. Or they've simply stopped caring about the relationship all together. I believe change is probably the most common factor in divorces, hence the majority of divorces being "irreconcilable differences."

    Another factor may be, with the population living much longer, it has become socially normal and even acceptable to divorce after decades (we're talking about 30+ years together) of marriage. The institution of marriage has become less important as both men and woman focusing on careers and such.

  • babybug329@xanga

    1. People do not fully understand what it means to be married and get married because they want to "try it out."


    2. Both parties were unwilling to compromise and try to make the relationship work.  You give a little, take a little.  Or lack the communication.  Discussion is important to clear things up


    3. Folks sometimes get married too soon or for the wrong reasons.  If you don't know a person well enough, you might not really be compatible.


    There are many theories as to why I think people get divorced, but these are my top theories.
  • jeezshoua@xanga

    People divorce for variety of reasons.

    1.  One or the other or both cheat.
    2.  One or the other or both emotionally checked out already.
    3.  One or the other or both priority differs.
    4.  One or the other or both lack communication.
    5.  The relationship itself is not healthy (physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive).
    6.  etc.

    But I know for a fact that I'm not one of those 50% of woman who will marry the same man again.  You got a divorce for a reason, right?  Remember it and move on! 

  • Hinase@xanga

    @jeezshoua@xanga - that's a good list for sure. 
  • Lydia_Lynne@xanga

    Here's the reason people get divorced so easily....THEY DON'T WORK AT IT!  Plain and simple.
  • RaVnR@xanga

    People marry for the wrong reasons, a lot of the time, like thinking it will fix your problems. If you have a healthy relationship, that's the

    only

    time to get married.
  • midge4ever@xanga

    1) I agree with this. Although I have known of couples for being together a short amount of time and then getting married and they are doing great. It really depends on the couple. How well the couple can adapt to certain citations, get to know each other....what not. It's deferent for everyone.


    2) Children are a blessing not a curse. Yes they make things harder. Life will be different. But they are no reason to get a divorce. If anything they should be a reason to stay together.
    3)For my boyfriend and I it's going to take a little over 2 years. I wish it weren't going to take that long. If we could get married right now we would that's for sure. But we are waiting for him to graduate. He's looking for a job right now that will give him benefits for us. He doesn't graduate until sometime next year. Winter hopefully. It also goes the other way. If a couple expects divorce because that's what society expects then the marriage isn't going to last. I don't expect divorce at all in my marriage to my boyfriend. Divorce is for the weak. And I'm not weak.
  • Wifeandmotherto3boys@xanga

    my oldest sons father tried to say we should get married before the babies born i said no. we brokeh up when he was 6 months old. my know husband tried the same thing we  were off and on for 2 years and when our son was almost 6 years old after being back together for 4 yrs we did get married and next month we will be celebrating our 6 yr anniversary. and our son will be 12 years year old .
  • BlehhItsTu@xanga

    Men are more likely to feel intimate with their spouse than women. Women have girlfriends to feel intimate with. Guys don't get intimate with their bros.
  • lforletty@xanga

    @RaVnR@xanga - Healthy relationships can turn bad too though .__.''
  • RaVnR@xanga

    @lforletty@xanga - No

    happy

    relationships turn bad. A healthy relationship is one in which communication skills are superb, and any obstacle can be surmounted or put to the wayside.
  • lforletty@xanga

    @RaVnR@xanga - You're right:)
  • chelseanataliex@xanga

    @babybug329@xanga - agreed.
  • prettyruby@xanga

    I find this very interesting:

    "Surely most, if not
    all, women think about their wedding their whole lives."

    we must come from very different places (and backgrounds), cause the vast majority of girls I know didn't even start thinking about get married, much less their weddings, until high school (at the earliest!).  I think most of the girls I know only think about this because they know their parents want them to get married and have grandbabies within the next ten years...

    maybe it's a cultural thing too?  most asians and asian-americans I know don't make a big deal about weddings... they care more about becoming married (i.e. finding someone to get married to) rather than the wedding itself. although that may be changing...
  • Thegirlwhoknowstoomuch@xanga

    The other day an old couple said they had been married for sixty years. My friend said "I've been married for three weeks. What's your secret?" The old man looked her in the eye and said "We never both wanted to get a divorce at the same time." 
  • P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga

    intolerance, selfishness, boredom, mundaneness.

  • linguistic_nonsense@xanga

    It really all depends what mentality the couple goes into the marriage with. It is true that SOME young couples get married too fast too soon, but that is not true of all young couples. Communication is a MUST no matter what the level of the relationship may be. You need to be able to talk to each other about everything that is on your mind, and if you can't do that, don't get married.
  • ClimbUpTreesToLookForFish@xanga

    I think #1 is very true.
  • ElizSutherland@xanga

    @Lydia_Lynne@xanga - It IS that simple. They just give up. I did not get married to give up, and that's the mindset (and desire!) of my marriage. We went into it knowing it'll be tough. But knowing there is NO such thing as giving up. People don't take their vows seriously :( And it makes me so sad. They don't take marriage seriously! It's a HUGE deal! I'm only 22 and there are 40 year olds who haven't figured this out!

  • Lydia_Lynne@xanga

    @ElizSutherland@xanga - Yep, yep, yep.  It's so sad.  I, personally, believe that there only are two reasons for divorce.  Infidelity and abuse (spousal, child, psychological/emotional, drug, alcohol, etc...).  One of the big problems is that people don't work on the relationship while they can before a problem arises.  They just get set in their ways, problems brewing on the back burner, and by the time the problems are slapping them in the face, it's 30 years later and they're too damn stubborn to change and actually work the problems and relationship out.  So, they get a divorce citing irreconcilable differences, aka, we don't want to work at it anymore and prefer to be selfish.  They only want to commit if they feel like it at the time.  And btw, I'm 23, hubby is 22 and we've figured it out before we got married while my parents are the 30 year example I gave.  That's what happened to them.  
  • crazysogul@xanga

    I am married and have to agree with #2. We don't have a child yet and still enjoying our honeymoon after a long marriage-been 5 yrs, mean while, some of my friends who rush into have baby too much involved with kids. It's like there is no more marriage between you and your husband. 
  • Colorsofthenight@xanga

    No marriage for me. 


    Unfortunately, years of battering have left me to where I pick up on cues to an insane degree.  If I wasn't a sociopath, I would eventually get so tired that I would break down defense-wise.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8WhAfZphQQ


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-sPVJjV9TA
  • Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga

    Why?

    1. Because most often, people enter into marriage thinking that this will somehow magically improve their relationship.

    2. Because the people or one individual is not prepared for the amount of work it will take to maintain a healthy relationship for an extended amount of time.

    3. Because the couple has wrong perceptions about marriage and the nature of it.

    4. Because the couple do not know how to appropriately communicate.

    5. Because the couple just doesn't want to try.

    6. Because, aside from splitting the assets, it's actually pretty damn easy to get a divorce.

    7. Because the the individual or couple is more wrapped up in the actual "wedding" rather than what is to come.

    8. Because someone cheated.

    9. Because things change.

    10. Because people are people.

    That's not even skimming the surface, either. 

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