Earlier today, I walked in on my new bf rocking some other random person's world.
First thought that popped into my head: start screaming at him and kick him in the nuts.
Why didn't I? Acting out in anger is never good, and in the past I used to, so I held it in. I walked out, closed the front door quietly behind me, and made my way home.
Second thought: I feel so worthless, maybe I deserve to be alone, isolated.
Why did I quit thinking like that? Because everyone gets burned from time to time, it's part of life.
I called my best friend, and she came over and rubbed my back while I cried like a baby with an ear infection. I felt better having the company, isolating myself would have made things worse.
Third thought: As my phone was buzzing with messages of him telling me how much he cared, I picked it up and called. As the sound of the ring seemed to go on for ages, I thought of all the nasty things I could say to him.
Why did I hold my tongue? I was loyal to him, respectful, always there when he needed me-- we had been friends for a while. I didn't commit the wrong, it was all on him.
So instead I said, "If you call, I will block it, if you text, I will delete it. If you e-mail I will junk it. You won't get my trust back, you lost it."Fourth thought: Before I wrote this, I was in a hot shower after laying down almost all day. I was thinking about our relationship, and what motivated cheaters, at first, the sound of the hot water running over my head couldn't compare to my thoughts, I wondered if I had done something wrong, if I was no longer attractive to him.
Why do cheaters cheat? Looking back, I took care of him more than he did me. He was quiet, and lonely, and sad. And I was extroverted and happy. I always take care of other people, and in the past pushed aside my own thoughts and needs. But now is my turn to include myself and what I want and need.
I have been through worse things than this, worse things than he has.
My guess is he cheated because he needed to feel a void within himself, he gave me every excuse, such as baby Jess didn't mean anything to me, and "I thought you were cheating on me." So on and so fourth. He needed me, more than I needed him.
Conclusion: Instead of me fighting back, reading his texts of begging me, or mocking me, I chose to ignore him, and smile.
Smile because I know who I am, know I was not in the wrong, know that I am strong, and know that this is my chance to get even stronger. My phone is still going off even as I type this.
Getting revenge wouldn't make me feel better, neither would moping. So instead, I'm writing this blog to help others, and I am going to treat. That's right, I'm going to take a day for myself, and spoil myself worse than 6 month old milk.
Toodles, Mannie. It was nice knowing you. ^^
Have you ever been cheated on? What went through your head? How did you deal?
Recommend
Comments (133)
Getting revenge certainly makes ME feel better.
But kudos to you if you can do without.
You handled it very well. I'm proud of you. Moping and revenge never helps. :)
I've wanted to get revenge. Seriously. Every time I thought like that, though, I reminded myself that it is probably KILLING him not really knowing what I'm up to now. I might be miserable, I might be insanely happy (which is the case), but he doesn't get to share in any of it. He doesn't get to try to make me feel better when I'm upset, he doesn't get to be happy FOR me when things are going well in my life.
He's as good as dead to me, and that's probably harder on him than if I'd gone down the revenge path.
I think the way you handled it was perfect, way more mature than the way most people handle such things. It sucks that he cheated on you and he doesn't deserve you or your trust back, I'm proud of you for not giving in and for staying strong!
I've been cheated on, despite my doing my part in the relationship. It hurt. I cried. In my ex fiance's case, I took him back because we were engaged. I even offered relationship counseling, but he refused.
Cheating is something that I now have zero tolerance for. Lack of trust is lack of a relationship. However, women often make the mistake of thinking that cheating is something that happens because the man is unhappy with them. They blame themselves of ask themselves what they did wrong to drive him away. Let me say, ladies, that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! It has nothing to do with you! I was at Kevin Hart's comedy show, and one of his opening acts Na'im Lynn spoke about cheating. He said this: "There is nothing wrong with you! The only reason men cheat is not because you lack anything... except two p*ssies."
That's pretty much it. Men don't always cheat for good reasons. I've heard some pretty stupid ones myself, including: I thought you were cheating. You always accused me, so I went ahead and did it. (This one is a doozy) You know when you're around someone and you can just tell that they want you, and the chemistry is just strong and you can't resist.
Don't dwell on it. Be sad because you were in a relationship, and it's hard to let go, but be happy because in the end, it's HIS loss. Not yours.
I've never been cheated on but still..you handled it perfectly without giving away to impulses. I think many more girls could stand and learn a few from you.
Good riddance to the poor sob. Excuses, excuses, excuses.
You handled it perfectly. Its certainly better to take the high road, let them see that it doesn't hurt you, that you'll be just fine without them in your life. I think it makes then feel worse, which is better than trying to hurt the other person another way by trying to get revenge. Its horrible that he cheated on you but you're much better off without. :)
I haven't been cheated on before.. but I would be the type of girl that would go crazy and strangle the hoe, then kick my bf in the nuts before I leave, and I'd probably say some dry remark too. I even told my bf what I'd do if he cheated on me.. he knows the kind of person that I am, but regardless, I doubt he would cheat on me, it'd come as a surprise to me too if I found out that he did.
Props to you for staying calm and handling the situation well.. perhaps I can learn something from you. My bf was cheated on by his ex and he actually handled the situation similar to you:)
My boyfriend of 7 months cheated on me multiple times; I took him back when I found out about the first one (my sorority pledge sister) , the second one (a slut I thought was close to me) and even when I caught him in bed with the third one (the girl I hate more than I thought humanly possible) . And you know what's funny, when we broke up, I hadn't found out any more information, or been hurt more or anything like that. I just woke up one morning and was sick of it. I was sick of letting him walk all over me, I was sick of being used and emotionally abused.. I thought it was my fault, that I was inadequate in someway, that maybe, if I were just a little better of a girlfriend, if I could just fulfill his needs a little better that it wouldn't happen again, and I could stay with him forever, because I loved him enough for the both of us.. I was stupid. When I broke up with him, it felt like the weight of the world was being lifted off of my shoulders I can't even begin to describe to you the freedom I felt. But that was short lived. I found out that in the 7 months we were together, he was with 14 girls (that I know of) multiple times. It's been 3 months since I broke up with him, he still texts me, he still sends me friend request, he still makes an effort to get my attention at parties I see him at.. he swears he loves me and he admits he was wrong, but I don't really care. I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship again, or when I'm going to be able to trust someone that I'm with.. but I know that I deserve nothing less and that I should never settle or compromise when it comes to self worth.
My (now ex) boyfriend cheated on me this summer while I was a state away. When I came home, he came to my door, begging and pleading. I simply told him that, after he got all of his stuff from my room, he was no longer allowed in my life and that was that.
You handled the situation very maturely. Good work.(:
I was cheated on several times. No biggie. I didn't catapult myself off of a building, just got my sexy on.
you are showing great matureness and confidence.. good for you! still, im sorry this happened to you. that is such a shame. shame on him!
good for you, chica!
I've never not been cheated on. I went through all the responses but the one thing I focused on was ... me. My hand got a workout.
No seriously though, Your skin toughens and you either decide to become bitter, cynical, or gain the great ability to not trust anyone...They've saved me a lot of time, money and energy from continuing to date!
It happens, after that, all you can do is walk.
I wish I could have handled it as well as you did.
Good for you - that's the best thing to do!
You are one strong woman. I respect how you handled this [=
Wow. That's really impressive. I'm happy that you rose above giving in to your emotions, and that you didn't give this asshole another chance. However, if you won't kick his ass I gladly will
I hope you find happiness and that you find a guy that's worth your time.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Of course there are exceptions, but still, you're not going to fully trust a recovered alcoholic with booze again -- once that trust is gone, there's really nothing more to do or say.
You are amazing and clearly so much more capable of a good, healthy relationship than he is at the moment. Stay strong, and don't look back. <3
much respect for you, there are more and more guys like him out there, so when they say plenty of fish in the sea, (chuckles) what a joke. but if you are the way you are, then it means what attracts you would continue to stay the same, you probably may end up finding another guy just like him next. not sure if that's something that had crossed your mind so hope that it does and that hopefully, you'll have an improved criteria in what to find in a guy and I'm sure that guy will be much better for you, or at least much better than the previous guys in your life. take care and enjoy your day off (grins & waves)
Good for you. =]
i'm so impressed by the way you're handling this. good for you.
i was not mature. i screamed, yelled, and i cried. i was a baby about it even when i shouldn't've been. but now, if he does contact me (which he still thinks is okay for some reason) i just ignore it.
@ApplebottomsGrl18@xanga - "That's pretty much it. Men don't always cheat for good reasons." Do men ever cheat for a GOOD reason?