Friday, 08 October 2010
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The Key To Having a Healthy Relationship
Life can be good. It definitely has its highs and lows, but it's how we handle the highs and lows that make it or break it.
What does this have to do with relationships? Just about EVERYTHING!
Every day of your life is spent dealing with humans in one way or another. The first relationship you have is with your parents (or whoever raised you). When we are young, the things we experience daily help shape us into who we become as adults.
People end up having mommy or daddy issues, anger problems, depression issues, low social skills, low self esteem, etc. On the more positive side, some pursue education, have the ability to love, and experience overall happiness, etc. Usually, it's a mix of positive and negative experiences for each person.
Most people, from the day they are born, are not given the right tools to have healthy relationship--it’s like trying to get to a destination without a map or directions. It makes having a healthy, successful relationship very difficult. Without the right tools, it becomes your responsibility to discover what the right tools are and what the keys to a healthy, successful, happy relationship are.
Some people end up looking at their friends and seeing how their friends do it, they follow their parents example, or they sit around and wait for their prince charming to come on a white horse and take them away in the sunset.
If your friends are having one failing relationship after another, then that's not a smart place to look.
If your parents haven't been successful in their marriage, then that's not the place to look either.
And I can promise you that waiting around for your prince charming to come knocking on your front door, will leave you deeply disappointed and unsatisfied. As women, we love a good love story. We're suckers for romantic comedies and romance novels and really, just anything romantic. But we have to be careful that our views on love, relationships and life don't become confused with reality.
The first key to having a healthy, happy, successful relationship doesn't even involve another person, it's all about you! Finding out who you are and what you truly want out of life is important. Being confident in who you are is a very empowering feeling. You also have to learn how to communicate what you want to those people that are in your life. You must trust yourself and love yourself - if you can't trust yourself and love yourself, then how can you trust and love another person?
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About the Author
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- From: aotolife@xanga
- About Me: I am passionate about defending the true meaning of love which is all to often blamed as leading to such state of emotional and interpersonal ruin. I believe it is a big error to blame love for betrayed emotions or unhappy relationships, there should be no gray area as to what real love consists of. That's why I have partnered with relationships author Tapiwa Chitembure - together we hope to bring awareness to the issues that give love a bad name. Occasionally I write about other life issues as well.
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Comments (27)
it is definitely important to love yourself.
This is a great post. I love the message and it's very postive. You are a smart girl.
@roxybabe1623@xanga - Awww thank-you! And a super long time ago, my IM screen name was roxybabe, so you are a smart girl as well ;)
Wow, now this makes much more sense. And what you say couldn't be too far from the truth..because you can't be in relationship with someone if you hate yourself. You gotta love yourself and find who you are. And what you're about.
I agree with this. Understand what you need out of a partner and be secure in yourself. Not being sure of what you want will lead you to not getting what you want. Insecurity will lead to dependence on the other person for happiness, which is a recipe for disaster. Introspection and self-improvement are important towards making healthy relationships, both when you're in one and when you're not. You said this pretty much perfectly.
@Hinase@xanga - Exactly :)
@Liquid_Pain_523@xanga - Looks like you got it!
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas@xanga - I agree :)
I am not a romantic person. I would rather have an Xbox then a dozen red roses. Would rather have a book than a box of chocolates. My boyfriend is that guy. He isn't overly romantic, but he treats me amazingly well. He's the love of my life, and our relationship is healthy because we know we'll be together forever. I haven't looked at my parent's marriage, which was bad. My mom wouldn't even sleep in the same bed as my dad as they got older. I think they fell out of love, and that won't happen to us, because our love is so strong. I love me, and he loves him. So that makes it nicer to love him, and for him to love me. We are confident in our own skin, we are trustworthy of each other. I didn't search for him, I actually had no idea who he was until we hung out with the same friends. It just fell into place, and I wish that everyone who hasn't found the right one, will stop searching. It does no good to search, because you will hold such a high stipulation of "the one", and you could be passing them by.
@LEW_for_Life@xanga - I agree, and I'm glad you are so confident in your relationship. It's amazing when you find that one that you are compatible with. It's similar with my man and I. Everything just fell into place and it still is. Truly amazing and I agree when you say to stop searching, because you can be looking so much that you look right over "the one." When I finally stopped trying to find a man and just focused on myself, my man came along and we didn't even have to try, it was just natural to be together. And 1.5 years later, things just get better and better everyday!
I totally agree with this post! Excellent Blog!
@yet_still_learning@xanga - Thank-you!
Absolutely agreed. =D
yeah great post
great post!!
I definitely have to agree that to have a learning foundation to a healthy relationship with people in general, it is essential to learn from those in your surroundings: close friends, support groups, parents, family, etc... but also, you have to realize that you are IMPORTANT and WORTH the time and affection from those you give back. IT's really about reciprocation, eh?
Anyway, I think those cheating people writing to get opinions from datingish readers should DEFINITELY read your post!! :)
@kor_girl@xanga - Totally agree with this - "you have to realize that you are IMPORTANT
and WORTH the time and affection from those you give back. IT's really
about reciprocation, eh?"
Agree with this as well! - "Anyway, I think those cheating people writing to get opinions from datingish readers should DEFINITELY read your post!! :)"
Thank-you, thank-you!
Nice, and I agree to a point. I think there are a lot of relationships out there where meeting a person and starting a relationship with them when you're not feeling confident with yourself becomes the turning point for your life. I had self esteem and confidence issues before I met my SO and it worked out that I am a changed and better, happier person because I learned from him more about myself. It doesn't ALWAYS have to be about you being happy with yourself first - sometimes other people bring that out in you.
This is a lesson I wish one of my friends would learn. She's in and out of severely disfunctional relationships, and never seems to learn...because she never takes the time to find and accept herself. She has a heavy build, but she's truly beautiful (her eyes and smile are gorgeous), with a very kind heart and a quick wit...but she doesn't see it, so she ends up in destructive patterns with guys who treat her like crap, abuse her, and take advantage of her.
I almost fell into this trap when I was 19, but I learned from that relationship, and eventually came to love myself as I was...only to turn around at 22 and find the love of my life. It's so true that you're not ready for a good relationship with someone else until you have a good relationship with yourself. Self-love is a powerful thing.
-Katie
Amen!!!!!! Couldn't have said it better
@corpsegutted@xanga - @akatiegirl - @Kellylivelaughluv@xanga - Thanks Ladies!
All of this is something I have definitely learned in my current relationship. No guy is going to fully love you if you don't love yourself, that is soo true and I wish more girls were taught that. I learned that and I accepted it. And now, I do love myself. Happiness is from within.
@aotolife@xanga - Exactly! People need to stop focusing on how perfect someone needs to be, and just accept them. No one is perfect, not even Mr. Right. He's mister right because he loves you for days on end, because he's caring, not because of his baby making skills, and his hair lies the right way.
I'm so happy for you and your boyfriend. Best wishes to you both!
@LEW_for_Life@xanga - Thanks, same to you!
@appleblush@xanga - Exactly, you are right :) I'm glad everything worked out for you!
this is very true, but it's not exactly groundbreaking. :-/ sorry