Wednesday, 06 October 2010
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11 Signs Your SO May Be Cheating
My name is Kerry, and I am a cheater.
I certainly didn't think I'd ever be saying those words. I've been cheated on, and I had no idea I was capable of something that selfish and disrespectful. And yet, there I was, having a full blown affair behind my ex's back.
But here's the thing: my ex never caught me in the act. He never read an inappropriate text, or caught wind of an inappropriate get together. He just came out one day and asked me.
He never gave me any reason to why he was asking, just impatiently demanded to know the truth. When I asked him how he found out, he said he didn't know until I told him. He said he just knew.
And it got me to thinking, what are the cues we use to acuse (pardon my mad rhymin' flow) our partners of cheating?
I went searching the web for a list of ways someone may gather their partner is cheating or has cheated. Let me tell you, there are TONS of them. Many of them just seemed ridiculous. I would break up with someone for putting a camera in my car just for being that crazy, forget about cheating.
But then, I hit this, and it seemed to make the most sense...
- Lower desire to be with you sexually.
- Suddenly tries new sexual positions.
- Working late more often.
- Mysterious phone calls.
- Gets angry when you look at the cell phone, pager, or computer.
- Smell of unfamiliar cologne or perfume on their clothing.
- Takes a shower as soon as he comes home.
- You find hairs or other objects on his or her body.
- Starts taking more care with his or her appearance.
- Accuses YOU of cheating.
- Change in normal routine without cause or reason.
Now, a list like this is the PERFECT way to explain a suspicious SO. You don't have to go looking to find signs like this in a partner. I definitely exhibited plenty of these in my short-lived foray in the world of cheaters.
And, honestly, I can pick out about 5 things on this list that I do in my current relationship, and I am certainly not cheating now. I know I often run in the house and immediately shower, and I definitely change my perfume A LOT. To a more suspicious dude, I could well be lovin' 'em and leavin' 'em acting that way.
However, if I'm in my boyfriend's shoes, and I start doing a lot of these things a lot more often, don't I have a right to let those inner red warning lights go flashing away? I get it. I really do.
Have you ever cheated and been confronted by your SO about it? Did you exhibit any of the warning signs above? Do you agree with this list?
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About the Author
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- From: KerrSull
- About Me: I'm a 24 year old serial monogamist who oddly thinks she knows everything while continuing to have tons of questions about that crazy little thing called love.
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Comments (22)
Maybe for physical cheating. For emotional cheating, it's more giving current SO less time, picking more fights, being more short-tempered, and talking about somebody else disproportionately much. It only happened to me while I was long-distance with my SO.
Yeah, but basically...just don't cheat. Don't. It seriously ruins everything."Pardon my mad rhyming flow." Haha, Love it.
And, as a someone who's been cheated on, I'd say those are some pretty good signs.
I was the cheater once. He came out and confronted me too. Then again, he'd always been so paranoid, even when I wasn't cheating. I didn't exhibit those signs, although those are good signs to look out for.
Number 2 might be iffy, because maybe they just want to be adventurous. But otherwise, it's a pretty solid list.
Dude... if you're not consistently trying new sex positions, get a book and look some up. Honestly. Unless of course you want sex to be boring.
I was a cheater. But my ex never caught on. Probably because he was cheating, too. The jerk. Emotional cheating for a woman and physical cheating for a man are pretty much parallel. And that's exactly what was going on with me...
i've never cheated, and i don't think i've ever been cheated on. just lucky i guess.
I've never cheated. I think it's horrible and selfish.
I've cheated. Didn't do any of these things, and it was two "one-night stands" with two different people. Nothing continual. Shit just happened. Boyfriend at the time was an asshole and I was trying to work up the courage to leave him. I was a coward and just did it behind his back. THEN I broke up with him. Best decision of my life.
I am now in an open...ish relationship, and though the idea of sleeping with someone else is sometimes tempting, I really don't see a need for it. Plus, I have very little energy anyway, and it takes a lot of energy to pursue someone. I'm content with my good guy, I guess, and feel no need to find happiness or pleasure in the arms of someone else.
yes. my guy was definitely doing those things. i just knew.
I disagree with number 2..just because if you keep doing the same new sex positions it will get boring. Being adventurous is not considered cheating nor bad.
Solid list otherwise.
I feel like this might cause a lot of girls to get paranoid haha. I don't know if agree with the sex positions one. It's always fun to try new positions. Imagine if someone did missionary for the rest of their relationship with something. It would be boring. I also don't like my boyfriend looking through my computer or phone. I'm not cheating on him, but I like my privacy. He doesn't need to be looking through my personal things. If he feels a need to he can always talk to me about it and tell me his concerns.
tired of this topic. because let's be real here: unless you're a moron, it's relatively easy to get away with cheating. especially if you know your SO inside and out.
so what does that mean? it starts and ends with trust. i dunno about you guys, but I can't spend the duration of the relationship playing detective and always wondering wtf is my SO doing... which leads to questionable actions like flipping through your SOs phone and other such things mentioned here.
and for those who admitted to cheating... shame on you. admitting it on datingish does not make me dislike you less.
My boyfriend does several of these: 2 because he likes new things like positions and clothing, 3 because he likes mo' money, 7 and 8 because he has a gross job and 9 because I'll start nagging about his scruffiness. Is he cheating? Hell no!
But I suppose any sudden, dramatic shift in behavior that they become defensive and confrontational about is a good clue.
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i just have a feeling my then bf was seeing someone or talking to someone on the side. I've saw a mysterious text before but it was from a guy's name on his phone???? so i didn't bother to ask. But he didn't show any of those signs above - its just a feeling and i asked him but he denied it right away and was a bit offended. Anyhow - we still broke up afterwards. I kinda wished he had cheated on me and I can find out so i can move on hating him. =(
@Wait_by_Moonlight@xanga - Agreed.
I could tell I was being cheated on when he began starting arguments for no reason or just finding something random to get upset about. We hardly talked on the phone anymore and when we did, he seemed disinterested and would find an excuse to end the conversation quickly. We were in a LDR and only saw each other once a month so it was difficult for the both of us. Apparently, much more difficult for him because he ended up cheating on me. I wasn't able to notice the physical signs of cheating because we were hardly with one another but I definitely sensed the emotional aspect of it and that to me hurted me more than anything else.
@baggageclaime@xanga - You're in no place to talk down to others for admitting their faults on this website. What matters is that they recognize that what they did is wrong and learn from their mistakes. No one is perfect.
But I do agree that it is not hard at all to get away with cheating. One of my exes was having an affair with my old best friend from September-February. I confronted him because I had a "bad feeling" but he dismissed my accusation and became angry at me for distrusting him. I only found out for sure when my friend couldn't hold in the guilt for any longer.
That being said, lists like these are stupid and are only going to make insecure people even more paranoid. Don't ignore OBVIOUS signs (like catching your SO in the act...I mean COME ON), but don't go nit-picking at every little thing.
My favorite Postsecret quote: "She left me because I wouldn't admit I cheated...I didn't."
@stupid_plum@xanga - Until recently, they still stone cheating women to death in the middle east. (actually i think they still do that).
i know it's an extreme comparison, but what i said was tame.
It's an irrelevant comparison. There is nothing to justify stoning women under any circumstances. Is stoning for adultery something you agree with? Anyway, these commenters know that they were wrong and do not need anymore criticism from people like you who are "better than thou." I'm not defending cheaters. I'm defending people who get judged for past mistakes.