Tuesday, 05 October 2010
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I Don't Miss You, But I Miss Your Family A LOT
The other day, rummaging through a drawer filled with greeting cards and notes from my old boyfriends (don't get too excited, three guys in total), I came upon a little box, wrapped in white paper and tied with a baby blue bow. Could I have possibly received a boyfriend present that I never opened?!Excitedly, I tore through the paper, and opened the box to find... a picture of my ex-boyfriend's cousin on his First Holy Communion Day?
Oh, right. This was the favor from the communion party. Why the hell did I still have this again?
Oh right, because I might not love my ex, but his relatives were the bomb.
There are always explanations out there for how to get over an ex, or how to move on from a bad break-up. But what exactly is the game plan for getting over the seven year old cutie pie who melted your heart when you dated his crazy, overbearing cousin?
I first met Brian when I was at my (now ex) boyfriend's house for a BBQ. I had been with him for a little under a year, and this was the first time I was meeting his extended family. Brian approached me as I demurely sipped some non-alcoholic beverage (so as not to offend Grandma) in the corner, and started one of my favorite conversations ever.
"Hey, girlfriend."
"Girlfriend?"
"Yeah, aren't you ***'s girlfriend? He told me his girlfriend would be standing over here because she doesn't want to talk to anyone. Are you scared of us?"
Yep, the ex was a real charmer, that one. But at least he'd sent over the cutest little kid I'd ever seen to chat with me.
"I'm not scared, don't worry. And who are you?"
"I'm Brian, and I can name the entire New York Yankees starting lineup from every single game this season, with positions, numbers, and batting averages. You might think that a little kid can't do that, but you're wrong, because I can do that and I'm 6."
"Well, Brian, it's great to meet you. And I'd love to know who started in last night's game."
We chatted for awhile, and played about six rounds of the best one-on-one wiffle ball in the history of college girl vs. first grader competitive wiffle ball. We decided to be friends.
I'd see him a lot more after that day. He'd ask for me and my boyfriend would drive me over there to see his family whenever he would go. We bought each other Yankees gifts (yes, we were both proud, proud Yankee fans), and I even went to his 7th birthday party. And on his communion day, his mom made sure there were enough picture favors for the whole family... and for me, Brian's biggest fan.
A year or so later, Brian's cousin and I would be history, and in a big way. It was my most explosive break up ever, dragged out for weeks. I wish that kind of torture on no one. We rarely spoke in the few months that followed, but occasionally I'd get a random call or text. One of those texts read something like this:
"Brian just told me he's mad we broke up. And he wanted you to tell him goodbye."
I didn't respond to that text. I never responded to any of his texts. But to this day, it was the only one that ever made me cry.
I never did and never will miss my ex. It's supposed to be over. I'm glad it's over. But today, as I looked at his little picture, I missed the hell out of my old friend Brian.
P.S. - Brian, you're the smartest little kid I ever met. Goodbye, pal.
Have you ever wished you'd gotten a chance to say goodbye to an ex's family? Do you ever miss them more than your ex?
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About the Author
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- From: KerrSull
- About Me: I'm a 24 year old serial monogamist who oddly thinks she knows everything while continuing to have tons of questions about that crazy little thing called love.
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Comments (53)
I know the feeling. Well, not entirely, since I've only had one boyfriend and we've been together for 3+ years. But I love his sister SO much. I have two older brothers of my own... and have always wanted a sister. You know? Someone to talk to about girly stuff, and even boy problems, and someone I didn't grow up "wrestling" with (they made me ugh). So, when I first met her, we really clicked. My boyfriend and I have temporarily broken up before for a little while, but I think I missed his sister MORE. I had some weird jelousy feeling that my boyfriend would get another girlfriend and his sister would connect with her lol... it was weird.
Yes Yes YES, I have a few ex's whom I don't miss in any way, but their families are always in my thoughts. It's the hardest part of any break up as far as I'm concerned. Saying goodbye to someone you just don't work well with anymore is just part of life, but to say goodbye to a bunch of people that you do get along well with sucks! You're not alone with this one.
not me, but my lil sisters fell in love with my ex. he even sent them a small care package after we broke up and it made it so hard for me to tell them that he wasn't coming back.
My HS boyfriend's mom was a complete doll. She made me a christmas stocking, she loved buying me cute girly things like hairbrushes and makeup (she had 3 sons), she even taught me how to make homemade breads and pies. If only her son wasn't such a cold-hearted gremlin then maybe I wouldn't have to hide from her when I see her in the grocery store.
Not really. I didn't like my ex's family that much. They didn't like me for whatever reason.
If I ever broke up with my boyfriend, I would definitely miss his whole family more than I'd miss him.
i do miss my ex boyfriends family. luckily i see his little brother everyday nd i tell him to tell his family i said hey... :)
If I ever lost communication with my SOs little sister, I'd be heart broken. She is the sweetest thing ever. I babysit her every Tuesday because my SO is in college and can't make the trip to watch her himself. When we're fighting, she notices me mood shift and gives me a big hug. Whenever I leave she gives me a hug too, and say "Bye Tori, I love you!" When we pull up to her house, I can see her head peek through the window. A smile the size of a slice of watermelon spreads into her face and she jumps up and down and claps until I hug her and say hello. She means the world to me.
I never met my ex's family in person 'cause we dated for such a short period of time, but we were planning to do the introduction but around that time, we broke up.. I wanted to meet his sister and his Mom that he showed me photos of and spoke of to me. I wanted him to meet my family too.
I almost broke up with my bf one day.. but we worked things out, and I even told him that even if we don't work out, I love his family just like my own and I'd want to have one last dinner with them before we seperated and I wouldn't cry in front of them and I'd act normal. I've invested a lot of emotions into my bf's family, I go over often, sleep there sometimes, eat lunch/dinner there and we'd give each other little things just like a real family would. If my bf and I broke up someday (god forbid), I'd miss his family like hell.that's definitely what's holding me back from completely letting go of my ex right now. we dated for two years and we broke up in february. i know i should be over it by now, but his family is a big part of my life and i can't just let them go. his brother and cousin are like my little brother and sister, so it's so hard to just up and move on. i wish i could. oh well.
That's really sad... I'm sorry your friendship with Brian ended like that =/
aw thats sad. and yeah, i stayeed with my ex for like, 2 or 3 extra months cuz i didnt want to say goodbye to his parents and dog lol
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To think of it, I don't think I was ever a big fan of any of my exes' family. I mean, we were cool, but we were never tight, so I never had that problem.
For sure. I was totally more upset at the loss of my ex's family than him. Especially his grandma, she's incredible. They live right down the road from me, but I just don't know if I could stand the awkwardness...
i've gone through a situaiton just like this one. my ex and i often babysat one of his cousins together or went over to his aunt and uncle's house a lot to see them. and i loved his cousin brandon so much. after we broke up, we still hung out from time to time and one time brandon came over, and asked why i'm not the girlfriend anymore. it broke my heart, not to be broken up with my ex, but not seeing his family more often. it's been a few years, and i met with some of his uncle and cousins last summer and when brandon remembered me, it made me so happy! also, i REALLY miss my ex's mom too. while we dated, my mom and i were going through a rough time, so his mom was kinda my mom too during that year. my ex and i are still somewhat friends so i can see her every once in a while, but it's just not the same.
When I broke up with my long term SO all I could think was how much I will miss the family. They treated me like one of their own and I loved hanging out with them, sharing holidays and even babysitting some of the kids in the family. My ex didn't make it easy on me either, saying that the younger kids would probably never even remember who I was in a couple years. It sucks that, because my ex was an creep, I couldn't have this awesome family in my life anymore. But it I wasn't dating them...I was dating my ex and that was over. It was difficult but it was part of the deal.
I have exactly the same problem! My ex's mom is more of a mom to me than my own mom. She gets in touch with me 10x more often, and sends me cards and such (still!). I actually don't think she knows we broke up. hahah. Her son and I never had a really traditional relationship, we were always not quite together officially. But I was still invited to family functions and introduced as his girlfriend, etc. I don't have the heart to tell her, and I'm still close with her son, but I really want to move on, and she is suggesting he move in with me again this winter (he works and camps outside in the summer) and it would be weird to say "yeah, ok, but then how am I gonna get a boyfriend?" I guess it needs to be dealt with, but I dont' really want to deal with it because I like having someone who cares about how I"m doing at school. It's such a weird situation.
No, that kind of thing never happened to me, but that's a horrible shame :[
One reason I try to keep it working with my boyfriend is because what will I be to his family and what will he be to mine if we break up?
I don't miss my ex, at all.
But i do miss hanging out with his family sometimes, they were really nice :)
haha YES. this has happened to me twice. the last guy i was hooking up with, i should've ended things earlier but i kept thinking "but then i won't get to see his mom and have all those cute talks we have about him and my college choice and getting our nails done..." i'd literally talk to her for like an hour each time i went to his house.
I met my ex's family once when a bunch of friends and myself visited his home state. I didn't get close to them but I enjoyed his little sister and especially his little brother's company. Even though my ex and I aren't friends, I still talk to his older sister (my friend) and every now and then, the little tykes. I admit that I wished we dated longer so that I would know them better. They are incredibly bright and super cute...sad that I will never have the chance to meet them again.
Why not try to date the kid's Dad?
i definitely got close to my ex's family. i missed them more than i missed my ex. i still talk to his younger brother and his mother, but not very often. though there will be other guys in my future, i will never forget or not talk to my ex's mom or brother.