Monday, 04 October 2010

• 6 Tips For Moving On After A Relationship Ends

  
  

  Broken hearts suck.

  You don't have to be dumped to have a broken heart. Sometimes people just come in and out of your life too quickly for you to realize whats going on and before you know it they're gone and you're left picking up the pieces. I know this feeling all too well. One day you're happy as a pig in shit and your heart is full and happy. The next day you're alone, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened, your eyes are swollen from crying and you feel like you're going to lose your damn mind.

  Don't fret. Life goes on. You just need to realize this. 

  Yeah, you can sit around and cry yourself to sleep over your lost "person." You can dwell on everything, blame yourself and throw a pity party for you and yourself or you can just realize everything happens for a reason, you can't control the outcome of every relationship you experience and life is too short to focus on the hurt.

  I might only be 24, but I've endured enough broken hearts to know how to handle them by now. Yeah, the first few days to a week absolutely suck but once you put everything in perspective and realize that it isn't the end of the world, everything slowly falls back into place. Since I have a few 'shortcuts' to getting your shit straight, I have decided to share them with you.

  1. CUT OFF CONTACT - This is the hardest and most important, at least for me. After you're left high and dry and you can't find a reason why you're alone you tend to want answers. Wanting answers leads to you contacting the person who no longer needs you in their life which often turns into you bugging the living shit out of them, making you seem like an absolute crazy person. Yeah, your heart is broken and you can't make sense of anything but those repeated texts, phone calls and Facebook messages will turn off that boy even more than he already is. Delete every contact you have with this person. Delete them out of your phone, off your Facebook, off AIM, off your BBM, off ANYTHING you have them on. Not only will this alleviate you coming off as a nut case but will allow you space and time to find yourself and heal. 

   

  2. DON'T BLAME YOURSELF - I'm so guilty of this. So so so guilty. No matter the reason for the break-up I always tend to blame myself. Truth is, usually it has nothing to do with me. You can't knock yourself for a relationship not working out unless you did something unforgivable, in which case you SHOULD blame yourself. However, a lot of us are left picking up the pieces wondering "where did I go wrong?" and a lot of times its the person questioning that who did nothing wrong. Sometimes people just drift apart, sometimes people need space, sometimes people find someone else - you can't stop life from taking its natural course. You're not Jesus Christ, you're only human. You can't change what has happened, you can't take anything back - just focus on living your life for YOU and quit blaming yourself for something that was out of your control.

  3. KEEP YOURSELF OCCUPIED - Sitting at home sucking up oxygen and not doing much of anything else will not help you. Yeah, you can spend a night or two bawling your eyes out but after that you're just being a pathetic lump of shit. So what he left you? So what she left you? Your life will go on. You'll find someone else in a month or two who will blow your socks off. Go shopping. Hang out with friends. Go play your favorite sport. Get a manicure/pedicure and get your hair 'did'. Go pick up your home girl and talk shit about that douche bag that left you. DO SOMETHING. Being alone and wallowing in your own pity is alright for a little while, but don't make it a habit and get all depressed over someone who doesn't give a shit if you're hurting or not. You hear me?

  4. DON'T DWELL - Quit Facebook stalking his ass. Quit looking through photo albums of 'the good times'. Quit thinking about 'the future' you two had planned. It's over and done with. Don't spend more time on it than you need to. You'll drive yourself damn near insane if you keep replaying everything in your head. Look forward, don't look behind you. Don't focus on the past, deal with the present and look forward to the future. You have your whole life ahead of you, no need to dwell on something that will be nothing more than a snapshot in your life when you look back on it.

  5. DO SOMETHING NEW - Yep, you heard me. Get off your lazy ass and go do something new. Why you ask? So you can meet new people. No point in doing what you used to do with your ex-homeboy because you're just going to run into him or his friends. Go find a new group of people, find a new interest, PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. Yeah, rock climbing sounds out of your comfort zone, but who knows, the rock climbing director might be hot as hell AND single and might just fancy you a bit more than you expect him to. ;]

  6. DO GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO GRIEVE, JUST NOT FOREVER - (*Credit to my home girl Khai) Best piece of advice I've heard in a long time. Why you ask? Well, because its legit. You have to grieve, its healthy. You need some time to bawl your eyes out, stab voodoo dolls, throw darts at his picture you so kindly taped to your wall and to have a picture burning ceremony. You need to find yourself again, you need to figure your shit out and you need to prioritize your life. Once a relationship ends your left with pieces and IT TAKES TIME to put these pieces back together. Don't think you'll be able to get right back out there the next day, give yourself time to heal. 

  Agree, disagree? Any other tips?

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