Sunday, 03 October 2010

  • How I Became the "Crazy Ex"


    I did a terrible thing to my ex. She didn't know at the time, but it's something that has really eaten at my conscience since around April.

    When we went through our first break-up there was another girl that she had her mind on. A former ex that I guess she never really got over. I knew about this girl but believed it when I was told that it was the ex contacting/pursuing my girlfriend.

     

    Then I discovered my girlfriend had a Xanga account. So I made a dummy account and she added me. While she never cheated on me physically, she wasn't emotionally connected to me. She just couldn't get this girl off her mind. She still can't. I read everything. All these personal secrets that I wasn't supposed to know but had to know. I read everything from the point we got together in October of last year through as recently as yesterday.

    It's childish what I've done. But I never felt like she was telling me the whole truth. And when I'd tell her it was always about her ex and she'd lie right to me saying it wasn't I wanted so badly to tell her what I have done and what I know. But I ignored the things I read and I truly believed that my love for her would over-ride her connection she claims she feels to her ex. That if I could love her enough she'd put the focus to where it belonged - with me.

    But it didn't happen.

    I finally, about 2 hours ago, sent her a very long letter stating what I have done and the things I know.

    I think I need this. I deleted the dummy account and told her who it was under so that way she wouldn't have to fear others she had friended here thinking they were me. And this is going to really help me to move on. Because I kept visiting her blog when she'd post something. Whether it was just about her day or about this girl.

    I feel sick and twisted at doing this. This is not me. I don't do these things. I've lost who I am in the process of my dealing with our relationship from first break-up to this last break-up.

    I don't want to be THAT crazy ex.

    And that's why I had to tell her. Even though I know this will eliminate any chance of us being friends I had to tell her. To own up to this terrible thing I've done.

    Hopefully this will allow me to move on and forward with my life. I'm going to continue to work on me and to fix these terrible things I've become. Sure I'm going to miss her. A lot. But I really miss who I was before all this and I'd like to get that back.

    Have any of you done anything "crazy" like this post break-up? How did you feel about? Did your ex ever find out?

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Comments (20)

  • ThePrancingPony@xanga

    My ex did this.
    Except he made a dummy account and started following my blog not long after we got together.
    My blog was my personal journal and diary. No one I knew in real life knew about my blog. I would talk about it, but no one read it.
    During our relationship, I thought it would be something special if I let him read it. So I sent him the url to my blog in a text. No reply. Nothing. I did not know if he would even check it out. I caught him a few times on my blog while he was on his phone and he never once admitted to reading it.
    It wasn't until a month or so after we broke up that I found is dummy account and saw that he had been reading my blog MONTHS before I ever sent him the link.
    I locked my page to private. Wrote him a snide comment and blocked him. Facebook and everything.
    That was the biggest distrustful thing that anyone could ever do.
    I now have a new account and will never forgive him for "sneaking" around my private thoughts.
  • not_izzy@xanga

    If you have a blog that is open to the public, you are just asking for this.  Anytime I"m dating someone, I so google them, and try to find out if they have a blog. Granted, I am crazy.  But...yeah, I think she was asking for it.
  • not_bacon@xanga

    Yeah, I have done some "crazy" stuff in post relationship. Granted, I didn't create a dummy account but that was only because she doesn't blog. I am sure I would have if she did.
    What stood out for me and spurned me to reply is "owning up" and the phrase "this is not me".
    I felt gross about the things I thought and did.I was in pain and lost.
    Ultimately, I avoided the truth (for me) that I really was capable of those actions while in that state.
    It was me.
    It was a valuable lesson in self awareness and acceptance.
  • Akiko@xanga
    @ThePrancingPony@xanga - If you were open enough to let him read it (and offered the URL), why be upset because he was indeed reading it the whole time? Maybe he didn't want you to feel like you were limited in your expression because you knew he was reading, and he wanted you to write freely without restraints. I had a bf who didn't tell me he read my site for this reason and I didn't feel like he had done me wrong. It's not as though you were keeping it a secret from him on purpose and he read it.

    I agree with the commentor above: if the blog is public, it's open property. Sure it's nice if our bf/gf doesn't sneak around, but if it's worth sharing with thousands of others, it's definitely worth sharing with our significant other.
  • anonymous

    I told my person the exact address to my blog.  It doesn't come up in any search engines.  At first, it was my little diary that no one knew about, but I only told two people: him, and a friend of mine who no one knows her from where I live.  Not even my closest friends know about this blog but he knows about it.  I mean, they know about it, but they don't know the address to it.

    Actually...I did become the crazy "ex" not necessarily ex because we were never official, but I guess I did really become crazy over him because I had never been this crazy over anyone.

    Whenever he'd piss me off so much, I'd send him loads of text messages and left him voice mails, and I'm like wtf am I doing? I'm like this psycho ex of somebody's that did that to me when I was kind of with her ex, I told myself I never wanted to be that girl.

    I couldn't help it, he kept promising me things, and saying things he would do for me, yet he wound up never doing anything he says anymore and it made me so angry because he used to do the things he'd say he'd do and keep his promises and I was used to that and didn't like what he started to do.
  • secretsandliesforever@xanga

    For the record this blog was sent in awhile ago and just now posted. So the 2 hours ago of deleting the account, etc. was more likely a couple weeks ago.


    Just in case she happens across this: I don't have a dummy account any longer. I haven't any access to your blog. You have no idea how full of regret I am that I did this. It was disgusting. I hope one day you can forgive me.


    But I was right. It has helped me to move on completely.
  • TheRedheadChronicles@xanga

    I don't think what you did was wrong at all. I would have definitely read my SO's blog, had they had one.
  • neutralkate@lovelyish

    Maybe she should check who she friends.


    What IS wrong is when you still hold a candle for your ex and date/settle for someone new. It's cruel and selfish. I don't know you, but I'm happy you got away from that and over her. There is nothing worse than having to put up with that.
  • rawritsjessie@xanga

    you can't be held responsible for actions taken under the influence of love :)

    plus, you needed to know the truth. we all do. shame on her for making you question her lies. i just know whats its like to be forced to question the one you care for the most. its hurts even to have to question it. and not knowing the truth is even harder. you're not a bad person, just seeking the truth about someone who holds a big part of your life. 
  • secretsandliesforever@xanga

    For the record she NEVER cheated on me. We had a very long discussion after I told her what I have done. She brought up things for why she broke up with me the 2nd time. The 1st was, legit, about her confusion of feelings resurfacing for her ex and her feelings for me. The 2nd time was a lot of other factors that she never really said bothered her to the point that she'd want to give up on us.


    It is what it is. I've learned a lot from this relationship and the falling out. I wish her well. I'm just hoping I learn from my mistakes and can carry those learnings with me into the next relationship so that I can be a better partner.
  • lovezpassion@xanga

    @PseudoEuphoric@xanga -  I so agree with you. You have to trust your gut instincts.

  • CrAdLe2daGrAve@xanga

    yeah i made a dummy facebook account and myspace and spied on my ex.. he was feeding me these lines telling me he wanted to be with me and our lives we're going in two diff directions and he wanted to wait for the right time to get back together and blah blah but i wasn't buying it so i did what i did and i found out that he was talking to a bunch of girls how he's been single for awhile and he's looking to hook up and it just disgusts me but in the end it blew up in my face but i didn't care because it's better to know the truth than to be fed lies.. we don't talk anymore.. and i guess it was good that it blew up in face because it sorta helped me move on... that i won't be kept in the dark anymore.. sometimes you gotta do the crazy ex thing to find out the real truth when that person isn't telling you everything.. you gotta do what you gotta do..
  • huestar@xanga

    my first ex did that to me. He made dummy accounts on forums i frequented and I didn't know until he blew up on me one day about a comment I made. The relationship didn't last too long after that. 
  • paulinemalpage

    nothing with xanga but i have been taht crazy ex, kinda embarrasing but whateverrr haha

  • ThePrancingPony@xanga

    @Akiko@xanga - my blog was only public for so long. I went private not soon after we got together. At first I was not upset that he had been reading my blog, until I found out he had been doing it since the beginning and who knows how much longer before. Even after our break up he was still reading my blog, which I put on super private so he couldn't, but that didn't matter since he had made a dummy account. If we're over why are you still reading my private thoughts?
    That's a little much to me.
  • jeezshoua@xanga

    Thinking about it, yes.  Except we weren't dating, we were married.  He had a social networking site, so I created a dummy account to friend him.  I would send him messages asking him about his marital status and so forth.  I got the result I wanted but it also showed me where he stood in our marriage.  I walked afterward also confirming that he had indeed cheated on me (multiple times) and that the way I feel about him just changed drastically!  
  • xx0behindthesmile@xanga

    i don't think anything online related has happened for me or one of my ex's. the only crazy ex thing i did .... even though i wasn't really dating him, we were just hooking up, was when i found out he slept with my best friend and i went to his house and yelled at him...not the most mature way to handle it.
  • Wait_by_Moonlight@xanga

    I had a boyfriend who used to read my diary and my Xanga whenever he could.  I really did not mind at all- I guess my most private thoughts were things I would have told him anyway, so I just didn't care.  Besides, my Xanga was completely public- no such thing as "privacy" there, really.

    He had trust issues, and I was happy to assuage them.  Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing.  But I can see where privacy is a big thing for lots of people.
  • GtSugacane@xanga

    first off, a blog is practically a public diary. if you post something online and keep it public, people can read it unless you post it privately. second, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!! do not blame yourself, do not beat yourself up, what you did was not hurtful. What she did was, she deceived you for months. She dated you while blogging about her ex. She did not love you as much you deserved and you should never blame yourself for trying to change the heart of a person who would selfishly hold herself back from fully loving you. Let go of her and keep moving on. One day, you'll look back and realize how much better things will be in the future, when you find someone worth your time.
  • HoldOnFor1MoreDay@xanga
    Cupid is cruel

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. However, we dated thru April and May of '09 as well... When he dumped me back then, I found out that he had been seeing one of his ex's on the side. This really hurt me...


    A few months before we got together this time, he dated a girl that was supposed to be my friend. She rubbed him in my face repeatedly. He ended up dumping her. I told him I wasnt over him and that I still loved him... that I had loved him since I met him four years ago. Come to find out, the only reason he had been spending time with her was because he thought I didnt want him. He had regretted dumping me the entire time. We got back together and we've been happy aside from one issue.... aka that bitch that was supposed to be my friend. She tried for months to split us up and get him to come back to her. We both told her to fuck off a billion times, but shes psychotic. However, in the back of my mind were thoughts like: What is he saying to her that makes her believe he wants her? Why isnt he forcing her to go away? What if he dumps me again... for another girl? For this girl?


    Sooo... I pretty much stalked both of their facebooks. I still do. She has posted some pretty nasty and hateful things about me and has said a lot of things to him that were totally out of line. Im pleased to say that every time she has started shit, hes told her to fuck off and has defended me. Just this past month, we both blocked her on FB. I still have ways to check up on her page and he knows I do it. I still check her facebook daily. She has a new boyfriend and hopefully this will make her go away... If she goes away, hopefully I'll finally get over the bullshit.


    Dont feel bad for doing what you did... Its natural for people to feel things like jealousy or curiosity. Honestly, it was probably your own intuition telling you to do it. In the long run... she was keeping things from you... Her still having feelings for her ex was something she should have dealt with and been honest about. Instead she lied to your face. Good luck to you!

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