Saturday, 02 October 2010
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The "I Am What I Am" Excuse
As good old Peter Griffin would say, "You know what really grinds my gears?"
I'll tell ya: It's people who use the old line, "I'm sorry, I'm just... (fill in the blank with bad behavior here)."
Let me make this clearer. I once dated a guy who flipped out over the tiniest, most insignificant things. Once we had a full blown, one hour, yelling and door slamming argument because I didn't put a napkin on a plate before I microwaved a quesadilla, and now there was cheese stuck on the plate. These arguments always ended the same way: "I'm sorry, baby, you know I'm just an angry person."
But when do we draw the line? It's about time we all stop and say,"Wow, that's not actually an excuse, kiddo."
It would be much different if he said, "I know I need to start working on my temper."
This statement implies that the way he's behaving is a problem that needs correction. Simply shrugging it off as a permanent character flaw is truly lazy, disappointing, and in the end, inexcusable. If you're just accepting that you are exhibiting hurtful behavior, you are more or less telling your SO to get used to it. Not cool in my book.Still not on my side on this one? Let's look at it another way.
I'm secure enough to admit here for the world to see that I've cheated on a past boyfriend before. If I did it in my current relationship, and I say to my current boyfriend, "Well, sorry, I mean, you know I'm a cheater," does that excuse my cheating? I mean, he knows I've done it before, so it's just something I can attribute to who I am, right?
Of course not.
I'm extremely sensitive, but I don't burst into tears in public places and then claim, "I'm just an emotional person." I'm quick-tempered, but I don't bitch people out at random and then claim, "I just have a short fuse." I have a serious potty mouth, but I don't let the profanity fly in front of bosses and then claim, "I just have a bad mouth."
Why? Because that is not an apology.
When these things happen, why not apologize for what happened, and make a solid attempt not to let it happen again, because it's just not right? When do we stop, take real responsibility for our flaws, and realize that the things we do have consequences for ourselves and others, and therefore must be corrected, not justified?I'm not suggesting it's easy, or that one real apology is a solution. But if we all really, openly worked on ourselves for the sake of the people who love us, wouldn't we all be better people, and SO's, in the long run?
Is anyone else here sick and tired of hearing this kind of line from your SO's? Do you think it can ever be a real excuse for bad behavior in a relationship?
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About the Author
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- From: KerrSull
- About Me: I'm a 24 year old serial monogamist who oddly thinks she knows everything while continuing to have tons of questions about that crazy little thing called love.
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Comments (14)
It shouldn't be an excuse for anyone really. If you have problems, try to fix them but don't try to excuse it, like saying "I'm just an asshole" I know you but you can be less of one. I think people rely too much on excuses. I've been dealing with something big and I haven't been exactly feeling so well..but even with my mistakes towards my SO, I don't use excuses. I try to fix whatever is wrong.
I think that should go to anyone.
Hmm, sounds like my ex boyfriend. I had to end it because his anger got so bad.
I hate anger excuses like that. Because then, if a guy has SERIOUS issues and ever snaps and hits his girlfriend or something, he can use that excuse and make it seem like she should just deal with it because he can't help it. People just make too many excuses about anything and everything...even the smallest things.
I'm glad I'm not like that, I do have my quirks though.
I can't agree more with this post. Time to make my bf read this and wake up!
I totally agree. I don't like when people say "I'm bad with names". Even though I guess they can't really help that one.
i completely agree. thats wht my boyfriend tells me all the time.
One thing: an anger problem and plain cheating are on two completely different levels.
Now that that's out of the way, yes, we should all learn to fix some small mistakes like snapping really easily and such. But also accept that they are doing their best on working on it and not getting on their case every time about it.
My SO wouldn't try pulling that shit, and we're both pretty level-headed, but this is a BEAUTIFUL entry! So well-spoken! Thanks.
AWESOME Post! I'm am both the victim and perpetrator of this behavior ....Time to be more pro-active I suppose...
"That's just the kind of person I am." Well why the hell do you let yourself be an asshole?
Love this post.
I totally agree. Fortunately, I actually don't hear that from my SO. What gets on my nerves even more is when people say "It is what it is." In my life, I don't think I've ever heard it but it seems a lot of those Springer shows and Maury, etc., have people that say that a lot. I mean... What is that even supposed to mean? It can't be used in place of an apology!
Yep I agree. I know there is a whole lot of stuff on not trying to change your SO, and that is cool. However, they are perfectly capable of changing themselves, and if they are constantly hurting you and brushing it off, you know what, they don't give a damn about you.