Sure, we have to have periods and give birth and all that hoo-ha,
but what about those hum drum, every day girl products that make our lives strictly worse? Girl DeodorantEvery time I walk down the hygiene aisle at my local Walgreens, I stare at the oppressive collection of female deodorant sticks. Apparently, the companies that market deodorant have decided the following to be true of the female population:
1) We like the word “pearl”2) We’re attracted only to that which is shiny and purple3) We like our armpits to smell like “rain,” “begonias,” or “a summer eclipse.”HEY DOVE: WHAT THE HELL DOES AN ECLIPSE SMELL LIKE?! TEMPORARY DARKNESS AND AWE?!
I don’t want my armpits to smell like an idea. Or
rain. Men have all the better deodorants! They work better, and they smell better. PLUS, they’ve got that hilarious Old Spice Guy.
Yes, I wear Old Spice. It smells awesome. And whenever I’m kissing some guy, he always compliments the way that I smell. “Sally this smells familiar… I just can’t place it… it smells amazing.” Yep, it’s familiar because you use the same one, dear.
Girl Sizing Systems
Recently I went into a store and bought a pair of shorts on a whim. Yes, it was a stupid idea, but I bought a size bigger than I usually wear, “just to be on the safe side.” Guess what? They were too small. And why is that? Because sizes like “2, 4, and 6” are ARBITRARY NUMBERS THAT DON’T INDICATE ANY SORT OF MEASUREMENT.
On the plus side, shopping at American Eagle makes me feel super tiny just because their sizes run big…
Solution: I say, we WEAR BOY PANTS… but we’re going to have to find cute boy pants.Girl Pockets“Huh I’m just going to stick my cellphone on in my pock—OH WAIT IT CAN’T EVEN FIT.”
Guy pockets are positively cavernous. They hold their wallets, their keys, their carmex, and their cell phones all in their damn pockets. And mine are so small that they cause even my chapstick to pop out at an odd angle.
Awesome.
Girl Toy AislesHave you ever been down the toy aisle in a toy store lately? Okay, I'll admit that the aisles are super pretty, and I do love me a good Barbie doll and Easy Bake Oven, but boys get LEGOS. And BUILDING BLOCKS. And ridiculously cool monsters that can transform into other sweet monsters. And cars.
And we get costume aprons and fairies that hover in mid-air after a sufficient spinning.
What do you say, ladies? Should we boy-cott (or should I say girl-cott?) this terrible, terrible sore on our womanhood?
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Comments (144)
omg I Love this viva la woman..... I love woman greatest invention ever!!!!
i hate how all the women's deodorant is scented now. it's impossible to find unscented anymore =___=
and yes, the sizing is ridiculous.
Regarding the "Girl Pockets" point, isn't that why you ladies carry handbags and purses? We need giant pockets because we have nowhere else to carry our stuff.
This is very true. I hate women's deoderants. The gels are the only thing that comes close to working...I've yet to find a stick that promised not to leave white marks that actually lived up to that promise. I also hate sizing systems...why can't we do it like guys do it, by ACTUAL MEASUREMENTS? Yeah basically I agree with everything you said.
haha, loved this post. :)
"HEY DOVE: WHAT THE HELL DOES AN ECLIPSE SMELL LIKE?!"
BAHAHAHAA I think I almost peed my pants!!
@tokyoexpressman@xanga - You can't take a purse everywhere...like on a roller coaster, and I'll be damned if I'm leaving anything valuable on the loading dock.. :P
GIRL POCKETS = TERRIBLE. I agree.
I was a tomboy growing up, and am not a girly girl now, but I love some shiny purple shit! I also loved the girly toy aisle when I was kid. I would peruse and dream about having stuff my parents couldn't afford and then join my brother in the boy toy aisle and do the same thing...the best of both worlds.
I do hate common day deoderants. I either feel like I'm buying a teenager's brand or that I'm wearing a kitchen spice. Lemon and sage? I had that on my chicken last night. I also ate some cucumber that (wowie!) smells the same as my deoderant.
I also hate Wal Mart sizes and want to boycott them. A normal size 8 is a 12/14 in Wal Mart pants. Boo! Screw the Miley Cyrus brand and Catalina crap!
lmaooo this made me laugh
“Huh I’m just going to stick my cellphone on in my pock—OH WAIT IT CAN’T EVEN FIT.”
brilliant!!!
hahahah great post!
@tokyoexpressman@xanga - I hate having to carry around a large purse just because I can't fit my deck box, game boy, and ipod in my pockets. (My boyfriend can.) And no. Small purses can't hold my nerdy. >:( Stupid purses..
I read Shiny and Purple and Girl deodorant and thought, "Well, shit. What other colour will attract me to powder scented Lady SpeedStick?" (I kid. I bought it because it was cheap and I don't sweat from the pits.)
But I agree. Girl stuff sucks. Have you seen the toys at Target? They have TWILIGHT BARBIES. It makes me want to set fire to shit. I want a giant monster toy.. D:<
Playing with legos at a young age may lead to the child growing up being great at math. At least, that's what I read in a psychology mag. the other day. Ever notice how guys seem to be better at math than girls?
I don't wanna be a guy anyway, they can't wear dresses without being laughed at.
@tokyoexpressman@xanga - I don't carry a purse. I own a couple, but after maybe a use...I get annoyed. Therefor, I carry a chained men's wallet from Hot Topic. It just makes SO much more sense to me.
@tokyoexpressman@xanga - The only reason I bought my purse in the first place was the fact that I couldn't fit my wallet and phone in about half of the pants I owned because the pockets were too small.
The only thing I have to comment on is toys, and that Barbies make little girls feel useless and stupid. That is all.
@emwantsthin@xanga - Pssshh...shit...my Barbies were successful, owned giant mansions and drove expensive convertibles because they were neurosurgeons/artists/ice skaters and made a lot of money. Imagination can work well with any toy.
Girl pockets are probably the dumbest thing ever. And kind of backwards, in the case of Daisy Dukes, the pockets always seem longer than the shorts, but on the other hand of this large-pocketed situation, another "pocket" of yours can practically be seen. (Sorry to be lewd, but it just seemed like a perfect metaphor.)
I was recently at a college football game and was with a female friend. I had finished my foot-long corndog and stuck the abnormally large stick from it in my pocket, only to see about two inches of it sticking out. To this she said, "How deep are your pockets?" "These? I dunno, they're pretty shallow though." This made me think of a pair of my girlfriend's pants which don't even have pockets -- they have the stitching like the top of a pocket, but no actual pocket to be found. Just the look.
People who design women's pants are idiots.
I hate girl pockets.
I laugh at the pocket thingbecause most all the girls who complain about not having large pockets wouldn't be caught dead wearing pants baggy enough to have large pockets, lol.
Guess what! If you want big pockets, buy mens' pants.
I played with boy toys as a child, and I buy them for my daughter as well. Legos, Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, all the good stuff.
@x__RainOnHerParade@xanga - "I also hate sizing systems...why can't we do it like guys do it, by ACTUAL MEASUREMENTS?"
The last rumor I heard was that the men's sizes weren't exactly accurate any more. For some of the same reasons the women's sizes keep getting larger for the same numbers. Which makes me scared to actually take a tape measure to my waist now.
I have no problem with any of it really...
I just really hate the toy aisle. It pisses me off. Why do the boys get the coolest toys ever, and the girls get dolls and sparkles? I can accept periods, unreasonable pants, and sucky deodorant. Not the toys.
"Guy pockets are positively cavernous."
THIS IS THE TRUEST THING THAT HAS EVER BEEN SAID.
I was thinking about this earlier today, when my tiny cellphone had to be shoved into my pocket at exactly the right angle to fit in there.