Thursday, 30 September 2010
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The Girlfriend vs. The "Not Girlfriend"
I no longer want to be anyone's girlfriend. The whole thing seems overrated, especially when I have the option of being a "not girlfriend." What is the difference between the two? A girlfriend is like a personal cheerleader: she should be in your corner, having your back, front and side at all times. A "not girlfriend" reserves the right to do this at will. As a "not girlfriend," you can root for or against your partner depending on your mood, and no one can say anything about it.
As a girlfriend you are obligated to be faithful. No man on the side for the girlfriend; she is spoken for. A "not girlfriend" can keep all the other friends she wants and feel free to add new ones as desired, male or female.
A girlfriend should not lie. After all, the basis of any relationship is trust. However, the "not girlfriend" has the option of using lies of omission or just flat out lying.
A girlfriend is burdened with someone's emotions and moods, and even has to take into account how her actions affect another persons feelings. A "not girlfriend" does not have to care. Her thoughtfulness is a privilege to receive, not a right.
Both get presents and keys to the house. Neither is guaranteed.Based on the descriptions above, girls, would you rather be a girlfriend or a "not girlfriend?"
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About the Author
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- From: OverBeingUnder521@xanga
- Name: OverBeingUnder521
- About Me: I'm over being under
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Comments (104)
Not girl friend of course.
I'd rather be a girlfriend... I don't want presents from a guy if I don't deserve it. Being with someone in any way should mean being by their side and reliable. I don't want to lie to someone I like, and if I didn't like them why would I be any kind of girlfriend to them? Either I'd be a real girlfriend or just plain single with no man at all.
I don't like this post. I think because it makes women sound like man-using, scheming, bitches. I'd rather be a girlfriend. I don't have a problem being the cheerleader. I don't have a problem being faithful. I don't have a problem with having or not having other friends because we would trust each other more than to be so controlling. I don't have a problem with lying. I don't have a problem with not caring about someone close to me. I do all these things naturally. It's a part of my character. I'm a "girlfriend" type description for all my friends, and I enjoy it. I'm single now, but by your criteria, I'd much rather be (and already resemble) the girlfriend type.
You made it kind of sound bad. Based on that description I'd rather be a girlfriend. Who wants to be known as a liar? Also, regardless if I'm dating someone or not, I'm still going to care about their feelings and not want to hurt them. Yes, as a girlfriend you are obligated to be faithful, but that's the point of dating someone. Of course, if you don't want to be a girlfriend you just don't date anyone. I think the reasons you give sound a little selfish. I guess that's really the point though. As far as I'm concerned, if you're dating someone you're still allowed to make new friends, male or female, and still hang out with them. There are always perks for dating and not dating, but I guess I would prefer to be a girlfriend.
Right now I'm the "not girlfriend" and honestly, after experiencing both sides, I'd give anything to be the girlfriend again. Because not only do YOU get all that freedom and ability to lie by omission or whatever, but so does he. And if you actually care about the person, that just sucks.
By your description, it sounds like the "not girlfriend" is either not committed or maybe a friend with benefits... or both.
So it sounds like your question should really be: Do you or do you not want to be committed to a man?
right now i'm the not-girlfriend and i agree with @Insanely_Imperfect@xanga -- i'd love to be the girlfriend again.
Hmm...well I guess I have been a not girlfriend for nearly two years and it's meh. I always search for a guy to date, but until I find that guy I still have someone to keep me company. Guys tend to not like me, so I don't really get caught up in an emotional battle, especially since the guy to whom I am a not girlfriend is someone for whom I no longer have feelings.
You would rather be a cold, non-empathizing, dishonest, thoughtless, fickle, selfish person? How odd. I do not share your values.
this is so dumb. sure you can be fwb or not committed, but that's not really what it's all about.
Wow. Way to make the "not-girlfriend" sound like a bitch.
I'm a girlfriend, and I love it.
@methodElevated@xanga - Exactly what you said. (:
hm i thought this was going to be another 'other girl' blog.. well, i suppose you could go that route.. you were just trying to stress the freedom and not being bound to anything, which is nice. theres a time for everything, sometimes we dont want commitment other times we do.. but with the right person, we'll make it happen no matter what we previously thought.
@Insanely_Imperfect@xanga - exactly. That's exactly it.
@Insanely_Imperfect@xanga - interesting point, im the not in a relationship as well.. and that nondedication dating thing is kind of emotionally rough like you said.
@MarksBeneathTheSkin@xanga - i dont think its a 'girlfriend type' so much as being a good person... because a lot of girlfriends dont really fit the grade.
im probably more of a girlfriend type overall as well, id never want to hurt anyone, but in this world anything can happen and people take you however they want to take you. so you can try, but ultimately its just based on their mood.
Of course girlfriends shouldn't lie, why would you want to lie to your boyfriend anyways or anyone for that matter? And yes, a girlfriend should be supportive of their man and root for him and cheer for him. And a girlfriend is definitely not burdened with her man's emotions and moods, those types of things are dealt with together in the relationship. And EVERYONE should take into account how their actions affect another persons feelings. It's just common courtesy.
Maybe it wasn't your intention but you don't sound like anyone that any respectable guy would waste their time on. Maybe you just don't care enough and you are happy not caring. Maybe you were not writing this post from your perspective. Either way, it doesn't sound good and I think you've got it all wrong.
But that's just my opinion.
Rage For Love
@methodElevated@xanga - Yep, what you said. EXACTLY. This post doesn't make much sense.
I would definitely want to be a girlfriend. Being a "not girlfriend" frankly sounds ridiculous.
i would want to be the girlfriend, if he does commit to me. If we works smooth. Who doesn't want to be the ONE?! If you do love him, you do want to ....
BUT, if it only bring too much trouble ... all everything else .... i am happy to be the not girlfriend. Simply because i can not handle it ... haha ... sucks huh?! Well, that's all i can be .. i guess it's alright
I think you`re mistaking "not girlfriend" with just... "not sentient enough for a relationship and shouldn't be using *girlfriend* as a parameter at all"
I hate women like you.
It sounds like you're just not ready for a relationship or the commitment to a man.. which is fine. The definition of a girlfriend though... you're his girlfriend because you care about him and WANT to do things for him, be faithful, not lie, be trusting and trustworthy, make sacrifices, BECAUSE you care for him and are willing to put your own needs aside. That's what a relationship is about. And if you can't handle that right now, then clearly you're just not ready.
You'll definitely want it again after a period of being a "not girlfriend".
im currently a not girlfriend. after being a girlfriend. i def see both sides but after a while i wanted to be a girlfriend again. only because i wanted my not boyfriend to be a boyfriend sometimes
Lol. I'd rather be someone you can trust and someone who is faithful. This post sucks. I'd rather not be known as a liar, thanks.
@theDevilWeeps@xanga - agreed.