Thursday, 30 September 2010
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What's Wrong With My Sex Drive?
My fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years. And we've been having sex for over 2 of those years.Everything used to be fine. We would have sex at least 3 times a week. Sometimes 3 times a day! But for the past few months, I have absolutely no sex drive. Don't get me wrong, I like sex. It feels amazing. But I'm just not horny! I have no interest in doing it and I have no idea why.
I feel guilty sometimes because my guy is a big horn dog. He always wants sex. Now he's lucky to get it once a week.
There are a few things that could be causing my low libido.
Before we started having sex, I was diagnosed with PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It's a hormonal imbalance that can cause all sorts of problems in my downstairs area. And because of this I have to be on some sort of estrogen for the rest of my life. So I've been taking Yasmin for the past two years. I've read online that having PCOS can cause a low sex drive and being on the pill can cause a low sex drive, too. GREAT! I'm double screwed. But I've been dealing with both of those things for two years and I never really noticed it effecting my sex life.
Another thing... I've been going through a hard time dealing with my family. My parents are very old fashioned and don't agree with anything I do and don't support me in any of my decisions. And lately that's really been getting to me. I break down crying all the time for no reason. So I wonder if this is has something to do my situation.
And finally, sometimes sex just hurts. It didn't at first, but like I said, things have been different the past few months. But it's getting to the point where I'm almost afraid of having sex. It doesn't hurt every time. And the times it doesn't hurt, it's really good. I'm not the kind of girl who can just grin and bear it to make her man happy. When it hurts, it hurts! I don't want to continue for the next hour in this pain, so we stop and I usually give him head.
With all this said... I'm not sure if my lack of libido is mental, or if there is actually something wrong with me on the inside. My fiance and I are getting married in a few weeks and I'm afraid this could effect our marriage.
Have any of you been through something like this before? Got any advice?
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About the Author
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- From: kathleen
- Name: Kathleen
- Location: Jacksonville, North Carolina, United States
- About Me: My life is chaotic at times, but it's mostly very boring. I love my man. He's my life. I'm passionate about music, cooking, and photography. Oh, and I love cats.
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Comments (22)
I'd say go back to your doctor and see what he can do for you. Some times medications can do that to you, so you need to find the right ones that don't kill your sex drive. And another thing, stress or anxiety can really kill your sex drive, as I've cried and I've been angry and didn't want to have sex ever. And I'm bipolar..so I kind of understand about the whole spells of crying etc;
I'd say try to take some rest, don't stress yourself out too much.
And talk to your fiance about this as well..let him know what's going on. Remember communication is the key here.
yeahh my sex drive disappeared when i was on yaz. also i started getting chest pain that my doctor told me were "panic attacks". a few months later i heard that yaz was getting sued for causing deaths via heart failure etc. fucking scary. since then, i've had an extremely hard time trusting anything a doctor or pharmaceutical company tries to push on me.
@babymeatball@xanga - I was on Yaz and never had any of those problems.
Your stress level is most likely the culprit here, in my opinion, and your medical condition doesn't help. But if PCOS was there when you first started having sex and you've only recently been noticing a low libido, its probably due to the stress of your parents' expectations and the stress of planning a wedding. You could see a doctor or therapist to try to nip it in the butt now, but I'd imagine that once you're married you'll feel a good bit of the weight off your shoulders.
Stress is probably the main issue, but also maybe check with your doctor and see about lowering the dosage by switching birth control methods? I know I had a low sex drive on Yasmin, plus other problems associated with the high dosage, and now I'm on Nuvaring with none of those problems!
Stress can really give a blow to your sex drive. If the pill and PCOS haven't got to you so far these new stressors are probably the issue. However, the whole sex-hurts thing... how does it hurt? If you're not in the mood you just may be dry, so try some lube... otherwise, it may point to something more serious you should see your doctor about.
I have so been there. It took a while for it to affect me that way, but I think birth control is totally the culprit for you just like it was for me. The stress doesnt help either. And the fact that you know it can hurt, that changes a lot. Once it got to that point with my ex, I was always worried. Only thing that helped me was getting off the pill. I refuse to take bc ever again. It screwed me up way too bad.
I'd be very hesitant to use a hormonal birth control partly because of the lower sex drive. Sex is already such a mental game of relaxing and being comfortable for me that having my body be uninterested would be too much. I've never not wanted sex for more than a few weeks. sometimes stress will make me less interested or feelings of self-consciousness will make me feel unattractive but I always seem to want sex again pretty soon.
Probably, like many other people said, it is your birth control and increased levels of stress. Maybe your doctor could help you.
Cripes. I'm on the pill and I don't think it lowers my sex drive one bit. I've got the same sitch, except it's my boyfriend with the low sex drive and me being a "horndog". He gets stressed or is too tired. It gets stressful on our end, too - can't help but feel rejected, doing it solo helps but just isn't the same compared to your love, things like that. I feel like I'm the only one that hasn't had the pill affect my sex drive. Then again I'm on the low dose one. Could try that?
if you're living together... sleeping in the same bed, young... once a week is probably torture. thats like a fat boy living in the apartment above a Chinese Buffet... on a diet. your stress is DEF whats got your libido in a choke-hold(you were on the pill before now with no problems, right?). BUT ALSO(this is controversial, but scientifically TRUE) that estrogen is fucking you up. Testosterone(found in men & women) is the main gas-tank. so to speak, of your sex-drive. Talk to your doctor immediately.
Apart from that, I dunno what to tell you. Id he loves you he'll understand & help you through it, if you love HIM...there are other ways to take care of him sexually that arent full-blown sex im sure he'd appreciate rather than nothing at all.
but ultimately... its just sex(youre engaged so its more than just that i'd assume). Take care of your mental/physical health 1st and the sexual bits will fix itself.
I haven't been through anything like this, but I know how the difference in sex drive can be. The thing that jumps out at me most is the pain you feel. Go to a doctor because it could end up being something serious and a health problem. There was a letter like that in the newspaper earlier this summer and the advisor recommended going to a doctor.
As for your parents, you need to remember it's your life, not theirs. Things have changed since your parents were younger. You might try finding a close family member or friend and talking to them about this, but talk to your fiance too.
Does your fiance know that sex hurts you at times? If he doesn't, tell him. He might be able to figure something out and help you or even take you to the doctor. It could have something to do with medication or with your PCOS.
Best of luck.
I have a low drive too, and it eats away at my man (even though he won't admit it..) I just don't think it's important to our relationship. We've been together for almost 3 years so it's like been there done that. I don't really care enough to do it. Perhaps you just don't want to do it anymore, as simple as that.
are you on any medication? i was on some medication and it depleted my sex drive. i talked to my doctor an gave me different medication
Amg, you're my sex twin.
What's up with this hurting shit?
Could it be that It hurts because not enough lubrication? If you just wanna please your man but not feel pain use some lube.
how it hurts or whatever, give him head first, so that it is a little wet and then have him inside you , or use lube, or foreplay
YOu are just stressed out. Have your man go buy some lubrication. That will help you and him!!!!
If sex hurts you need to go to the doctor. I had a period of time when it started hurting quite a bit but i ignored it. However, when I went to my OBGYN she found a large cyst on my ovary which was causing the pain. Get yourself checked out ASAP! I had to have surgery to remove mine because it had gotten so big from my ignoring it.
Echoing everyone else's opinion that you should see a doctor and explain all the things you think might be contributing.
I think it is entirely psychosomatic, possibly even the pain as well (any chance you might, consciously or subconsciously, have started to tense up at the thought of sex, such as when you weren't really in the mood? If this happened even once or twice, you might have conditioned a response by thinking 'Oh, no, it hurt last time... What if it hurts again?', leading to a vicious circle), but your doctor will be able to do tests if they think it is necessary and forward you to someone who can talk you through your other problems. :)
Thanks everybody! I appreciate your help and support soo much. I finally opened up to my fiance about it and he is totally understanding and supportive about it. I think telling him what was going on actually relieved a little stress cause we've done it three times this week! :D
Thanks again everyone.
I think you are just stressed out because of your marriage soon. i suggest you to talk with someone older and married and whom you trust.
yasmin sucks. get off it! try implanon <3