Tuesday, 28 September 2010
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Is a 'First Love' Actually Just a Test Run?
I live with my blonde, over-tanned, Forever 21 loving, Blackberry obsessed 17 year old sister. So, I'm sure you know what goes along with that:
1. OMGz Justin Bieber is like so adorbs.
2. OMGz Gossip Girl is like the best show ever.
3. OMGz John Mayer is like so talented (andomgsohot).
Needless to say, my sister thinks her body is a wonderland, and is waiting on the world to change. And, by association, sadly, so am I.
But sometimes, John does say some things that can make you think... for example, are our first loves simply a test run for our true loves?
The other day, her teeny-bopping iTunes, blaring into my bedroom, featured John crooning intriguing lyrics:
That you were my first love
Is just dumb, dumb, stupid love,
A technicality.
You will always be ahead of me.
Oh, oh, tell me.
Why I have to practice on you?
Why I have to practice on your heart?As I listened to my sister sing along (off key of course) to Mr. Mayer's angsty tune, I couldn't help but think back to my high school boyfriend.
First of all, he's a great guy. We still keep in touch, and lovingly refer to one another as our "favorite mistake." Truly, the only thing that made our relationship a mistake was that it existed when it did: when we were 16, and unable to truly appreciate what a relationship was and how to nurture it.
The relationship (filled with petty arguments and melodrama) was a huge growing experience for both of us. Had I not had it, I'm sure I would be a much more annoying girlfriend to my SO today. We learned how to avoid immature possessiveness, how to be respectful of one another, and how to handle conflict on each other.
We've both since moved on (big time: we've both had many more SO's and many more serious relationships since) and have no romantic feelings for each other, but as I listened to John's song, I wondered how differently things might have been had I met my first love today. Would he have been my true love instead of my first love? Would we have wanted to be together at all?
For us at least, worked out exactly as it should have, with both of us happy and better for having been a part of the relationship. I have to admit that I attribute a lot of my good qualities as a girlfriend to what I learned from the mistakes I made on my first love.
So, thank you, my first love (whom I hope will read this), for letting me practice on your heart.
And, yes, Mr. Mayer, although I normally find your songs to be borderline unbearable, you win this round.
Do these lyrics speak to you guys the way they speak to me? Do you believe our first loves are a test run?
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About the Author
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- From: KerrSull
- About Me: I'm a 24 year old serial monogamist who oddly thinks she knows everything while continuing to have tons of questions about that crazy little thing called love.
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Comments (34)
Sometimes they're a test run. And sometimes, when you both appreciate each other enough, they can be forever. If you want them to be.
I plan on being with my first love in the end.Music definitely speaks to me in relation to life and love. Is there anyone who doesn't feel the same?
I never thought of first love as a test run, but I'm beginning to think that it just may be. My first love wasn't with my first boyfriend. It was with my third actually, and the relationship and the ending of that relationship was horrible. But I survived and it made a drastic change in me, good and bad. As long as you find the strength to get through it, you'll learn a lot and be thankful for that first love :]
@Wait_by_Moonlight@xanga - =) I completely agree with that..
I truthfully don't know if my first love was my gf. I know I trully love her after (enter years) even if it's not being (in) love. Well my answer is for most people yes, for me idk.
Hmm, ya know that is so true. Every failed relationship you learn new things.
Mine certainly was.
My first love and I never actually went out.
It was one sided.
Though I've moved on and I'm actually even engaged,
I still love her.
I've learned that I always will,
but I've come to terms with that.
And it'll be okay.
Dating is trial and error, yeah. It would stand to reason that most "first loves" don't work out.
I'm hung up on your comments about your sister, though. I'm around her age, and I'm not into any of the things you listed. (I like being pale, and I hate Bieber/GG/Mayer.) Not all teenagers completely suck!
i feel the exact same wayy
I waited on my first love, and it's wonderful that I did.
He's amazing and sweet and at 18, I think I know what's real and fake.
@beckieintoyland@xanga - haha, she doesn't suck either. she and i often laugh though how sometimes she can be a "type" -- like, trendy girl type things. obviously i don't think all 17 year old girls are ditzy and lame! i was one once, too :)
My first love was my first bf.. I have thought exactly like you before, if I met my first bf today instead of back then, would we have worked out? I doubt it.. it's still possible 'cause who knows, but we've both changed so much that what we are looking for today.. would not be each other. I believe love is all about timing and when I was together with my ex, although you can say "the timing isn't right" because we did break up after all, we were attracted to each other at that time. All in all, I believe my exes do have an impact on my life and who I am today, so if it weren't for that asshole, I wouldn't be the person that I am now, and for that I am thankful.
Meh. Sounds to me like John's souring grapes. And if it's a test run, is it really love?
This is my first relationship. It could be a test run. Or maybe it's not- but more of like riding a bike without training without training wheels for the first time, successfully.
Though yes, it could totally turn out to be a test run.
Depends on everyone's situation. Mine was most definitely a test run.
i was wit h my first love for 2.5 years, and i found out he was sleeping with my best friend. fml lol
@paulinemalpage - Sorry to hear about that :( 2.5 years...why in the world would he do that? No wonder why girls are so cautious these days, because shit like that happens to them when they never even see it coming.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - yeah i know it is pretty crazy but i mean it def prepared me for my future and if anything just pushed me to move on. we were young, like 15, 16. i do think first love is a test run though because when something is new to you , you obviously are a little naive towards the subject, i could say i was naive to the signs of cheating when now i know waht they are
@paulinemalpage - Yeah I hear you. I think you're right though. It is a test run. Especially if it's your first relationship. My first love ended after a year. She was my first everything. I didn't know how to keep a relationship alive though, and it ended, because of my dumb actions (I didn't cheat, I was just a bad boyfriend towards the end). I've had experiences with love since and I know now how to keep one alive, but it's just a matter of waiting for the right one to come along. Every relationship prepares us for the future though :)
it depends on a number of things.
whether it's just a "crush" or you genuinely like and appreciate one another, and tolerate each other's differences. it also depends on how mature you are. i mean, i've known people who dated through highschool/college and ended up getting married. i also know people that dated their "first love" for a month and broke up. obviously the latter example was a "test drive" because they didn't really care enough about each other to keep things going. it depends on the individual, i suppose. i'm young, but i believe that anything can last forever if you work hard enough.Okay, I totally understand this concept, and can definitely agree with it. The one thing I don't get, is why can't you apply the things that you learned from your first true love to the relationship?
i believe my first love is my true love. i dont care what others say.
Definitely.
First love was a wreck, horrible fighting all the time, but I learned SOOO much. Then my second love came alone and I fell unimaginably hard for him, and really truly found out what it was meant to purely love someone.