Tuesday, 28 September 2010
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Help! I Hooked Up With A Friend I Have Feelings For
For the past four years or so, I've had an on again, off again crush on a good friend of mine, but he had a girlfriend so there was nothing I could do about it.I finished my freshman year of college, which is several hundred miles away from my home and my friend, and came back with a boyfriend I really liked. However, I began to spend more time with my friend than I ever had in high school, and earlier in the year his girlfriend had broken up with him. I realized about halfway through the summer that not only did I still have feelings for him, I liked him better than my boyfriend, so after a lot of thinking, I dumped my boyfriend because it just wasn't working.
A few weeks later, I was at his house watching a movie, and we ended up holding hands, which is something that had never happened before, and neither of us are especially touchy people. Afterward he walked me to my car, and we finally asked ourselves what happened, because both of us were feeling a little confused, and after staring at each other for a few seconds, and went and kissed him. He kissed back and we made out for about a minute. I told him that I liked him and he said he felt the same way, but I was leaving in a week.
The next day we decided to discuss what happened, and he said that even though he liked me, he didn't want to do a long distance relationship. I didn't either, so we agreed to just be friends. He also said he didn't want to risk the friendship. The problem is that even though I know a long distance relationship won't work, I don't want to be just friends.
The past few days after the hookup, he's been ignoring me or acting like this didn't happen. Maybe he's not into me and simply acted on what his hormones were telling him? I really want to contact him and tell him that I want more, but I feel like I've been initiating everything and I don't want to give him the impression that I'm desperate.
What do I do? And is there a chance that we can be something more in the future?
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Comments (23)
Well you've let him know how you feel. That's all you can do. Although you may want to keep 'bugging' him about it, I'd say leave it as it is for now. Let him make the next move!!! You don't want to push him further away than he already is!!!
I'm in a similar position where I told the other person how I felt but she's not feeling the long d relationship and is busy with school. She said "let's be friends"...screw friends...I have enough friends. I WANT HER. haha I haven't spoken to her since (about 1 or 2 weeks now). My friends said that's probably for the best.
OH MAN IT SUCKS!!!! I'd wait it out! Your feelings about him may change and you'll be okay with a friendship.
I'm actually going through something very similar. I ended up having feelings for a friend and he's admitted that he liked me, but now he hardly ever talks to me.
It's really hard to try and figure out what is going on without seeming clingy or desperate. I understand the feeling very well. Despite being the one who has to initiate everything, I think you need to talk to him and let ask him what's going on. Neither of you want to be in a long distance relationship even though you do want to be more than friends. That's fine. But that's no reason for him to ignore you. I suggest talking it out with him and find out what's going on with him. If he really has lost interest then, despite the pain you will feel hearing it, actually knowing that there's no more interest will help you to eventually move on and get over it. It's a lot better than going crazy with what-if's and wondering and waiting.
Chances are is that he is acting out in this way because of the feelings that he does have for you. This is his way of trying to separate himself from you, knowing that a long distance relationship tends to never work out. Acting out in a cold non-caring way is just a way of keeping your friendship alive and not jeopardizing it as a relationship. If you do want more, talk to him, you will be surprise to see what you find out.
I'm thinking, he's scared. Ya'll sound like you have a great relationship. I'd be afraid to see where it would take me,,,and then leave me. Maybe you can talk to him again, and if he hasn't found somebody else in the meantime, you could work something out. I mean, the long-distance isn't going to be for forever, right? Just until you finish school.
He's afraid to get too attached to you before you leave, and will be left missing you (he probably will anyway - but just as a friend), and possibly heartbroken. Simple as that. Don't get down on yourself that he has been acting odd. Be positive (:
Sometimes it works out.
I wouldn't define this as a "hook up."
Tell him how you feel.
Just tell him how you feel..
Trust me, LDRs are no fun.
something extremely similar to this happened with me and my best guy friend. he ended up kissing me and telling me all this bullshit about he liked me and blahblahblah. and then suddenly he didn't. and then hooked up with another girl and our friendship got real fucked up.
figure out what you really want and talk to him about it. in my personal opinion, it's unfair to say "hey i like you but i don't want to be in a long distance relationship so let's just be friends with kind of benefits when i'm gone... cool?" but really, let him know that you're hurt/confused. don't let it build up inside you. that's what happened to me, and i almost ruined one of my really good friendships because of it.
i think he's just suppressing teh feelings. you should too. long distance is really... hard
if he said he doesnt want anything long distance he probly meant it. lol i literally did the same thing because it hurts less to press ignore when you get a call than it does to have to say no over and over to someone you actually want...
id leave it be.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is ignoring you and pretending that it never happened? He's a little childish, don't you think?
"Hook up" = One minute makeout session?
...Right...
That's exactly what I thought it meant...
A sophomore in college should know what "hooking up" means by now, and be a little more mature about relationships. This isn't high school anymore.
You obviously don't know what you want. You dumped your old boyfriend, who you liked, for this guy which you could only be with for a week. And now, you want another boyfriend, so you're going to pressure this guy, and he may or may not go with it. If he does, it will probably only be a matter of time before you meet someone else and do the same thing all over again. Men are not like clothes.
I'd leave him alone for a while. It will suck, but if you persist, he will just break all communications. He needs time to think and sort out his own feelings.
theres a saying "no good can come of it" and that saying I think applies here.
Unless one of you two has a change of plans and is deciding to move to the other person. Nothing good can come of it. You both have clearly stated you don't want to do distance, something most people can identify with.
I think being friends from this point on will be hard. I would avoid talking about personal relationships as much as possible because that only leads to those feelings. Maybe down the line but for right now he is just asking for space and to return to your friendship that can realistically exist and I think you should do the same.
I've been in long distance relationships. They can suck, but they can also be well worth it. If he'd be willing to try one, go for it. You never know what will survive and what will happen. If you and he find you really love each other, things will work out.
i cant care any more or less, it's like this .. since i was a child. I start to like my hangout guy, we have fun .. then nothing comes out now. Hahahaha ..
I think other people are right, i am a loser! If the person really want to be with you, he will do whatever to stay with you. Not like, talk to you later, bye, stuff like that ...
I feel sick.
I had a friend I was really close with and I liked him, even when I had a boyfriend. It was always one of us wasn't single, and when we both finally became single, we got really connected and hooked up twice, once actually having sex. I was a little screwed up because I had actually just gotten out of a emotionally abusive relationship and I guess he might've been too because his girlfriend cheated on him. After the night we had sex he stopped talking to me and I guess I had to assume the worst there, and we really haven't been friends since then even though he still contacts me. But there were other signs that showed he might not have been completely ditching me, and it was just a very confusing process that I've still never figured out.
Bottom line is you're lucky that he even agreed to talk about things with you. Let him be, he'll come around when he makes his decision because chances are, he's thinking a lot about it.